


You Are Allowed to Have Him. You Are Not Allowed to Save Him.

by brianaa_c



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Shameless Smut, even more morally gray kylo ren, honestly there is way more sex in this than I planned so enjoy, morally gray rey, picks up right after the events in the throne room, the force bond is strong with these two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-16 19:43:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 66,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13060851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianaa_c/pseuds/brianaa_c
Summary: Kylo Ren offers Rey to rule the galaxy beside him. To the surprise of both of them, she accepts. Their bond pushes them closer together than either of them could imagine, but with the truth of what they did to Supreme Leader Snoke slowly finding its way to General Hux, Kylo Ren finds himself digging his own grave. Will he find a way to save himself without losing Rey forever?





	1. Join Me

**Author's Note:**

> HOW amazing was The Last Jedi?! 
> 
> Obviously, this story will have serious The Last Jedi spoilers, especially when it comes to Snoke, the throne room fight, and their conversation afterward. But after that it won't really follow what The Last Jedi set up; instead, it'll be more of a Canon AU. Enjoy!
> 
> Also, the wonderful title of this fic is actually part of a poem by the wonderful pencap on tumblr!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Unworthy by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

“Let it all die.”

He’s speaking more to himself than to her like he’s trying to convince himself of his words. Rey begins to take a step towards him but thinks otherwise once he turns to face her.

“Snoke, Skywalker… the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels…” Kylo Ren wants to say more, but Rey is looking at him with so much confusion, he’s worried he’d only worsen it. So instead, he surges forward. “I want you to join me.”

Instantly, Rey knows where he’s going with this. He won’t turn. After all of this, he won’t turn. Her limbs go limp as she watches him, stretching his gloved hand out to her like some sort of lifeline. “We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

“Don’t do this, Ben.” The words fall out of her mouth before she can even think them. After what they just went through together, this couldn’t be real. “Please don’t go this way.”

“No, no,” he begins, anger surging through his chest, up his arm to his fingertips stretched towards her. “You’re still holding on! Let go!”

Rey doesn’t respond, so he tries again. “Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known?” The tears spilling from her eyes answer that for him. “You know the truth. Say it.”

With a deep breath and a roll of her shoulders, she blinks, more tears spilling. “They were nobodies,” she whispers, and it feels surprisingly lifting to get that off her chest.

“They were filthy drunkards, who sold you off for drinking money. They’re buried in a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing.”

That stung. Her cheeks flare red but she feels no anger, only hurt as she looks away from him. Maybe Snoke did control their bond all along, maybe he never even liked her the same way she grew fond of him so quickly. Maybe-

“But not to me.”

Rey’s eyes snap back to his, and he reaches out his hand once more. Her heart is in her throat and her tongue is as heavy as lead in her mouth. He’s expecting her to answer his proposition but she can’t find the words. She was so sure that he would join her on the light, _so sure_ he would have turned following their fight with Snoke and the Praetorian guards, but here they are, his hand waiting for hers.

She wanted to join him. Oh, how she _wanted_ to.

Kylo takes a step towards her, repositioning his hand in the air as his facial features change; softening, almost. “Please,” he murmurs, his voice more intimate, his words cutting her in half.

More tears fall, and she has to suck in a breath to keep her stature. She just found this new sort of acceptance, and she couldn’t let it slip through her fingers. She _couldn’t_ , damnit. She couldn’t trust Luke, her parents were dead, Force knows where Finn is… Rey didn’t know when she would get another opportunity like this; an opportunity to be _something._

She was tired of being some scavenger girl from Jakku. He was giving her a chance to escape her past and build something for herself with his help. She didn’t doubt that he would eventually see the error in his ways and come around to the light, and she knows she could use this bond between them to sway him, just like he was doing to her now. She had little doubt that Luke wouldn’t take her back, and with their newfound bond, maybe Kylo could be her teacher…

“Rey?”

“Yes.”

Kylo is ready to protest, try to convince her once more to join him before he finally heard what she said. Yes?

Her hand drops into his at the same agonizing pace he used to press his fingertips to hers just days ago through the force, and he watched with trained eyes as her fingers brushed his gloved palm. Instantly, he felt electrified, just like the first time they touched, shockwaves trudging through him at an erratic pace. Rey’s hand is shaking in his like the rest of her body, and from all of his talks with Anakin Sky-, no, _Vader_ through the force, he supposes this is how it felt when he and his grandmother touched through a force bond of their own, all those years ago.

“Ben?”

He pries his eyes from their hands to her face, and he’s breathless. She’s left him speechless plenty of times before, but there’s some sort of newfound clarity this time around. She looks so sure of herself, so strong in her belief in him. Rey squeezes his fingers with hers as her gaze flits to his lips. “Ben,” she says again, this time with a bit more finality.

The more she says his name, the more he begins to hate ‘Kylo Ren.’ A part of him feels like he should correct her; he will be acting as the supreme leader from now on, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he shimmies his free hand out of its glove, letting the offending leather drop to the burning floor. Rey watches him as he raises it, using a knuckle to brush a scratch on her cheek, left by one of the now dead Praetorian guards, and anger bubbles in his chest at how they hurt her.

Rey welcomes the touch with a shudder, involuntarily leaning into him, closing her eyes as a strong shiver runs down her spine. Her mind hadn’t known peace for so long, but she’s sure this is what it must feel like.

Something in the force shifted when they joined hands the first time in the cave, and again now, but Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on _what_ shifted. Was she a sith now, just like that? An empress of the first order? She loathed the sound and meaning of both, but when Kylo moves to cup her cheek in his palm, her mind was washed of all absolute, calmness washing over her.

It's so intense, she wants to say something to lighten the mood. She needs to get out from under his gaze because she's sure he'll burn holes into her body if she doesn't, but she can't seem to bring herself to break away. Rey swallows as his eyes go from the scratch on her cheek to her lips and her breath catches. She has to physically force air into her lungs with an inhale, and she just hopes he can't feel how violently she's shaking as he tightens his grip on her hand. 

He gives her fingers a slight tug and before she knows it, she's pressed against his chest and her knees all but give out. It feels as if they're moving in slow motion as the hand that's holding hers moves to grip the back of her neck. Rey closes her eyes as she turns her head, pressing her cheek to his chest as she grips the sides of his robes. His heart is erratic, practically beating out of his chest right under her ear. 

They're  _hugging_ , and Rey never pegged him for a hugger, but she never felt so... complete? She's  _hugging_ the most dangerous man in the galaxy, and he's not just allowing it, he's hugging her back. His nervousness is radiating off of him and she can feel it. He's clinging to her as if he needs her touch to live, and by the way she's shaking in his strong arms, Rey is sure she needs him to survive as well.

She involuntarily takes a small step forward, pressing herself closer to him. The fingers cupping her cheek flex, and a shiver runs through her body. Their connection is more tangible than Rey thought; the intensity and sensitivity are overwhelming her. The throne room is literally burning around them, and the dead are scattered across the floor, but all Rey can focus on is  _him_ and the way he's holding her. She's unsure if it's the force bond itself or something entirely different budding within her, but she can't help but almost thank Snoke for forging this link between them. 

No. It's not Snoke. It would have been severed when he died, but here they are, dying and coming back to life every time they touch the other. They still share the same mind, the same thoughts, the same soul. Nothing as evil and corrupt as Snoke could have done this. 

He must agree with her because he sighs, moving closer if that were even possible. His chest rises and falls with every breath beneath her head, and it's the most comforting sensation she's ever felt. 

She's unsure of how long they remain like this, but there's eventually a ripple in the force around them, something she doesn't quite have the ability to figure out what it was quite yet. He's suddenly pushing her away from him, and he's breathing just as heavy as she is, his eyes almost wild as he watches confusion take over her face. But before she can question him, what's left of the elevator door slides open and out walk a dozen or so stormtroopers, followed by... the Knights of Ren. 

Oh. 

Rey looks to Kylo for some sort of guidance, but his gaze is trained forward, focusing on his knights in front of him. One by one they kneel to their leader, and even the stormtroopers bow at the waist, showing respect to their Commander. Or, Rey supposes, the new Supreme Leader. 

"Sir," one of them speaks, the one with the hood pulled so far over his face Rey couldn't see if he had a mask on like the rest of them. "We came as soon as we saw the rebel ship collide with the fleet. Are you alright?" 

The stormtroopers begin to advance on Rey but Kylo steps in front of her, and they halt immediately. "I'm perfectly alright," he sneers, and with a careless wave of his hand, they back away and turn towards the elevator, exiting the throne room as quickly as they came in. Once they're out of the room completely, he turns to his knights, and with a slight raise of his hand they rise, walking towards their leader. "Get someone to clean this up," he tells them, gesturing to the dead guards sprawled across the floor. "I'm retiring to my chambers." 

Before Kylo can even take a step, he's already being questioned. "What happened?"

Rey wants to do something; reach her hand out to grab his in comfort and solidarity, lie for him to cover up the murder of Snoke; anything, really. But the severity of the Kylo assassinating the Supreme Leader is beginning to set in, and she fears that anything she does or says will only put him in more jeopardy than he already is in. So instead, she chooses to stay quiet, peering around him at his loyal followers. 

"The Praetorian guards started a mutiny against Supreme Leader Snoke. They killed him before we could defeat them all." 

"We?"

The Knights' eyes are covered by masks and shadows, but she can feel every single person in the room sliding their gazes from their leader to her. She shifts uncomfortable from her left foot to her right, and the restless urge to reach out to Kylo for some sort of protection only grows. He finally looks down at her, and his eyes are hard but explanatory. "She's my new apprentice," he tells the knights, his eyes still on Rey. She feels him reach out through the bond, and she suddenly knows that if they knew the truth about his proposal to rule the galaxy, they'd surely be suspicious of his mutiny story. 

They bow their heads in her direction, because she technically outranks them now, with our without her acting as Empress. For the first time in minutes, Rey finally exhales, and it sinks in just how nervous she actually is. She's practically trembling behind Kylo because any of these men could very much kill her if Kylo so much as thought it.

_Control your emotions._ Kylo's voice suddenly fills her head, but she plays it cool, watching the Knights watch her.  _They are force users, they will sense your nervousness._

He turns back to the Knights, going on about some plan they need to set in motion on Naboo, and Rey works on evening her breathing. She originally thought that only he would be able to sense what she was feeling due to their force bond, but she's quickly learning that the force is much more difficult than she thought; more difficult than what Luke taught her in her short stint in being his apprentice. 

"Thank you, Sir. We will not let you down, Sir." 

The Knights of Ren abruptly exiting the throne room pulled Rey from her thoughts, and just like that, she and Kylo were alone once again. He turns to her and she wants to reach out to him but thinks better of it. He doesn't seem like the affectionate type, and the previous mood has since died. 

"So," Rey begins, eyeing Luke's lightsaber still clipped onto his belt. "I'm your apprentice now?" 

"I'm not allowing you to go back to Skywalker, I don't trust him with you," he says stiffly, and she gets the feeling that she won't have much of a say on this certain subject. "If you allow me, I would be honored to be your teacher." 

Something shifts inside her, and she is reminded of what just happened, them fighting back to back; side by side. It felt right. When they were fighting off the guards, it felt like they were moving as one. She couldn't explain it, but it felt as if they were sharing the same mind, the same soul. When he moved, she moved. When she ducked, he ducked. They didn't have to say what they were doing because they already knew what the other would do before they even did it. It was natural and easy. If it feels right it must be right, so Rey's answer was obvious.

"Of course, Ben."

Resolve is noted on the sharp features of his face. His expression is by no means  _soft,_ but for the first time in all the times they've been face to face he doesn't look angry or annoyed. There is clarity in his dark eyes, so much so that it leaves her breathless. He wants this, perhaps just as much as she does. 

Without another word, he turns, beginning to exit the throne room. But before the sting of being left behind and alone even begins to sink in he's turning back to face her, extending his arm to her. "Will you join me, Rey?"

Without hesitation, she steps forward and he places his hand - the one without the glove - on her lower back, guiding her forward. She's scared and nervous and the way his hand is sitting on her back is lighting her skin on fire, her cheeks flaming. She soon realizes that she doesn't want him to stop touching her. It feels _good_ and she quickly becomes aware that she likes liking it. She actually  _likes_ his touch, and Rey doesn't know what scares her more; the fact that they're on _the Supremacy_ or the fact that there's something burning deep down inside her, budding uncontrollably for the man walking beside her.

Rey is so focused on her emotional turmoil she doesn't even hear him speak until he presses his hand into her back further, making her practically jump out of her skin.

"Hmm?"

He raises his free hand to rub his forehead. He's tired, or annoyed. Or both. "When you're around others, especially other force users, you need to regulate your emotions. The Knights of Ren could sense you were nervous. They're suspicious of you." 

"What?" Her eyebrows draw together as they enter the elevator. To her surprising dismay, Kylo removes his hands from her, stepping away to press his bare hand to the scanner. With an affirmative  _beep_ it prompts him to put in a passcode with symbols she doesn't quite recognize; she's guessing some sort of First Order language. With a jolt the elevator begins to move, sinking down. She's impressed it's still working after the explosion. "Why? Do they not believe you?"

"They believe  _me_ ," he clarifies, turning to face her. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans his shoulder onto the metal wall. Rey doesn't miss the way his body moves, the muscles under his heavy robes twisting favorably. She blinks the thought from her mind before he can detect it. "They don't believe _you_." 

She nods, breaking eye contact. She awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and she fidgets under his gaze. She's unsure how to act after whatever happened between them in Snoke's throne room, and the fact that he's acting as normal as ever only frustrates her. 

"What all did Skywalker teach you?" He asks. When she looks back to him, his eyes are trained upwards, watching the number of floors tick down. 

She frowns.  _Nothing._ "Not much." Rey bites the inside of her mouth, thinking. "Only that I go straight to the dark whenever I'm left unsupervised in the force."

Kylo chuckles, but it's dry and his facial features are unamused. "That sounds familiar." 

_Right_ , Rey thinks, and the temperature in the room suddenly drops. He is angry at the mere mention of his former mentor. She keeps forgetting Ben Solo once trained under Luke. It's clearly still a sore subject for both of them, and by the looks of it, it won't get better with time. She wants to say more; say  _something_ to change the mood, but the elevator suddenly jolts, alerting them that they have arrived at the desired floor.

The door slides open, and the hangar bay is in absolute chaos. Stormtroopers and members of the First Order are scrambling, boarding whatever ship they can in order to outrun  _the Supremacy_ 's eventual destruction. But Kylo stays calm, putting his hand back on Rey's body as he guides her forward, either oblivious or careless to the way her cheeks blush and her color flush. 

"Where are we going?" She asks him when he presses her forward, prompting her to board a sleek escape pod, without a doubt built specifically for him. The inside is not much different sans the technicolor buttons at the front, meant for a pilot. 

"My flagship," he answers her, intentionally avoiding the way her eyes harden, his words reminding her of when they first met; when he invaded her mind and interrogated her. She didn't think he's one to ever apologize, but then again, should he? She read his mind, just like he did hers. It was her awakening with the force. She was allowed to still be upset, but perhaps she could also be thankful. 

She passively watches high-ranking First Order officials board, along with a few men she recognizes as members of the Knights of Ren, but what yanks her from her thoughts is Kylo stepping off the ship. 

Rey stands from her seat, moving to follow him. "Where are you going? This ship is burning, aren't you coming with us?"

He pauses, turning back to her. "I'll meet you there. I need to take my silencer in order to return it safely." 

"I'll go with you." 

Kylo clenches his jaw, stepping towards her, his body surrounding her and his demeanor overwhelming her, and she involuntarily backs up into the ship once more. "There's room for just one. Besides, I need you aboard here with my Knights. There's still a war going on." 

He tries to turn away and exit the ship once again, but Rey plucks the courage to dart her hand out, grabbing his. His body stiffens at her touch but his hand relaxes, and he hopes no one has noticed. At least, not yet. "Ben," she pleads, gently pulling him back to her. She's on edge, he concludes, and she doesn't trust the people he personally picked to escort her to  _the Finalizer._ He tries to reach out through the force to soothe her thoughts but is only met by torturous waves, blocking him entirely. No wonder his Knights don't trust her - they can't read her. 

Kylo leads her to a seat along the wall but instead of sitting beside her he kneels in front of her, placing his other hand over their clasped fingers, watching the tips of her ears redden. "You need to trust me, Rey," he tells her, his voice low and intimate. The way she looks at him leads him to believe she's hanging on to his every word with a death grip. "These people will protect you. I promise I will return to you as quickly as I can."

There's something alluring about him on a knee in front of her. It's almost like he's putting the power in her hands and he's just hoping she agrees to his terms. She feels him reach out through their link and she allows him into her mind, and she's instantly flooded with ease. 

Kylo squeezes her hand within his once more before rising, dropping her fingers from his grip. Her chest physically hurts as she watches him walk away, only stopping in front of a Knight before departing completely. 

"She is your first priority," he growls, pointing at Rey. "I don't care what has to be done, the Resistance doesn't touch her if you encounter them." 

The Knight, the one with the rounded helmet, nods, and the other two on board bow their heads to their leader as he exits. A handful of First Order officers board before the door closes with a  _hiss_ , and the ship shakes to life, beginning its coordinates to  _the Finalizer._

Rey is suddenly very aware of everyone's gaze on her, and before the panic gnawing at the back of her brain can come forward, she is reminded of Ben's words.

_When you're around others, especially other force users, you need to regulate your emotions._

Glancing out the window, she works to even her breathing, beginning to relax even though her heart is panging in her chest. Anyone on this ship could easily kill her; Ben still has Luke's lightsaber and she's not familiar enough in the force to use it in her defense, but instead, she focuses on the stars, hoping wherever they were, Finn and Leia were safe in this whole mess.

"Are you the scavenger?" 

Rey turns in the direction of the voice, her eyes following their path to a woman stepping out from behind the Knights Kylo assigned to her. She was somewhat tall, like Rey, but had a much healthier shape. Her eyes were blue and bright, and her blond hair was pulled into a tight bun under her black First Order issued hat. Her face was youthful and kind. Incredibly too kind to be a member of the First Order. Rey only hums in affirmation and the woman begins to smile. 

"We've heard so much about you." 

Rey raises a cautious eyebrow. "So you'd know who your target is when you found me?" 

The woman makes her way over to Rey, crossing the length of the small ship, sitting next to her. Rey begins to turn away, but she can feel the woman is genuine, even if she's not sure _how_ she knows that. "Not exactly," she begins, her posture impeccable, the obvious First Order standard. "Conversations between the Commander and the Supreme Leader were never quiet. Generally, if they were on board, the whole ship was made aware. You've become some sort of a legend on _the Supremacy_." The woman pauses. "May the Supreme Leader rest in peace."

Rey wants to laugh, because how can someone even imagine to mourn a man as evil as Snoke? But instead, she leans in, lowering her voice. "Will Kylo Ren be the new Supreme Leader?" 

The woman watches her with an emotion Rey can't quite decipher. "Chain of command would call on General Hux to step into power, but he's not a force user. The easiest answer would be the Commander, yes." 

With a sigh of relief, Rey leans back in her seat. She assumed it would be him, but she needed to make sure. She didn't want to be a part of anything if it wasn't being done their way. "Rey," she says suddenly, glancing over at the woman. "My name is Rey." 

The woman's eyes grow wide before she composes herself again, smoothing the hair that's sticking out from under the hat. "I'm so sorry, I should have introduced myself," the woman says with a tight smile, extending a petite hand to Rey. "I'm First Lieutenant Alte Phasma."


	2. Welcome to the First Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE Phasma has a sister! At least, for the purpose of this story, she does. Does it have an impact on the story is the real question, so stay tuned!
> 
> Chapter song: "Transfiguration" by Henry Jackman.
> 
> Thank you SO much for the comments and kudos!

Rey is still lost in thought as they land in  _the Finalizer_ and she's escorted through the familiar hallways, Alte by her side, the Knights of Ren in tow.

Kylo hasn't landed yet. Alte said it had something to do with the Resistance not backing down, and she only wishes Finn nor Leia were anywhere near where he was. She wants all of them to remain safe long enough so she can figure out how to get Ben Solo back on their side.

"First thing you need is a shower," Alte tells her, pressing her hand onto a scanner beside a door. It lets out a few beeps before sliding open, revealing what looks like some sort of sleeping quarters. "We all heard about what happened in the throne room," she continues, guiding Rey inside. "You must be exhausted. Praetorian guards are incredibly strong. It's a shame they turned on the Supreme Leader." 

Rey nodded absently, following Alte through the doorway. "A shame..."

The room was decently sized, way bigger than the hut Luke had allowed her to stay in, but smaller than the living space in the Falcon. It was white and sterilized, much like the rest of the ship. There wasn't much furniture except a narrow bed in the corner and what looked to be a nightstand beside it. Across the room were two doors. 

"The new Supreme Leader requested we ready a room for you. He alerted the ship as soon as he departed  _the Supremacy._ He says this space will be adequate enough for your force meditation." 

Rey’s cheeks burned and her ears reddened. She wasn’t sure _what_ she was expecting, but when he asked her to join him, she figured he meant it, both symbolically and literally. She never thought she'd have her own quarters, and she wasn't sure if the churning in her stomach was from relief or rejection. 

She looks around the room while taking a step forward, taking her new life in. There was a window on the far wall, stars shimmering outside. But it was much nicer than her life had been on Jakku, and she wasn't about to be ungrateful. 

Alte clasps her hands together, drawing Rey from her thoughts. "Right! So a shower is definitely needed." 

She shoos Rey into the door closest to the left, showing her the simple controls to an otherwise complicated shower before exiting, bringing the Knights with her, leaving Rey to herself. 

With a deep breath and a swallow, Rey turns to inspect herself in the mirror. Ash covers her tanned face, along with the rest of her body. Her clothes are tattered and dirty so she rids herself of them, letting her robes drop to the floor. The cut on her arm is still bleeding and a deep bruise is forming on her stomach where a praetorian guard kicked her so hard she fell, but for the most part she was still intact. She hopes Ben is too, wherever he was. She never got a good look at his injuries before they were interrupted.

Rey presses the palms of her hands into her eyes and rubs, smearing the dirt on her face before blinking her vision back into focus, glancing over at the shower. She never actually  _had_ a proper shower, and unexpected butterflies formed in her stomach as she stepped into the glass contraption, turning on the water. Instantly she was met with a hot rush of water, goosebumps rising as the water fell onto her skin. The closest thing she'd ever experienced was rain when she was training with Luke, but it was cold and torrential and angry. Her shoulders slumped, and she allowed herself to relax for the first time in forever as she washed herself. 

It must have at least been an hour when she reemerged into her room, wet feet leaving puddles on the tile floor. Her body was loose as she rolled her narrow shoulders, watching Atle's eyes widen from her perched position on Rey's bed. She swarms her, rushing into the refresher, grabbing what seemed to be a towel from some closet. She wraps it around Rey's shoulders with a laugh, but Rey is confused. 

"I take it you're uncomfortable with nudity?"

Alte gives a strained laugh. "I absolutely think we should embrace it, but perhaps not with so many males on board." Rey nods. Fair enough.

As Alte dries her, Rey's eyes wander. "What does the other door lead to?"

"Your closet," Alte answers matter-of-factly. "It is already full of the finest robes the galaxy, fit for a new Sith apprentice." 

The word stalls Rey, her mind sputtering. She knew Ben was the leader of the Knights of Ren and not necessarily a Sith, but she didn't think that he would actually train her to be one. But what was she expecting? He was firmly on the dark side, so it would make sense that he would train her towards the dark side. At least, until she can pull him back to the light for good.

Rey eyes her old robes still on the floor in the refresher, wadded in a heap. "What's wrong with my old clothes?"

Alte scoffs. "Lower privates wear grey. It's an insult to the Order if you would wear it. Commanding officers of the First Order strictly wear black."

"I'm a commanding officer?"

Her eyebrows draw together. "Naturally. We're sure the Supreme Leader wants you in a position of power and judging by the way he spoke to you on the escape pod... he seems to trust you greatly, Rey."

Rey's cheeks burn. So people  _did_ see their exchange. She wonders how Ben will react when he finds out people know about them, if he'll react at all. 

Alte rises from the bed to make her way to the closet, and it opens before her with a  _hiss_. Unsurprisingly, there is nothing but black garments inside, in different hues and shapes. Rey watches her as she begins to pull things from the wardrobe, giving them all to Rey to inspect. But instead of getting dressed Rey watches the officer closely. "Why are you with the First Order?" She asks.

Alte turns to her with a small smile. She pulls out what looks like a cloak and drops it into Rey's hands, allowing her to feel the fabric. It's heavy but warm between her fingers, and it's clearly far more expensive than she could ever dream to afford. "My sister is a Captain, and my father was a Commander before his passing. We were raised in it, so it makes sense we are loyal members." 

Rey finally decides on simple pants and boots, pairing them with an armor-like top that shows her mid-drift tastefully. She stands, allowing Alte to fasten the black cape around her neck, and the comfortable warmth it brings her reminds her of her home on Jakku. Perhaps it was a miserable excuse for a planet, but it was home. This ship was not her home. 

Alte turns to do her hair, and Rey's uncomfortable. Was she ordered to watch her, to make sure she wouldn't escape? Never once had someone been this nice to her, well, except Finn and Leia, but this did nothing but put her even more on edge.  

"It's alright," Alte suddenly says as she gathers Rey's hair together, pulling it up into a single bun. "You can trust me." 

"Are you a force user? You read my mind?"

Alte laughs. "No. But your emotions are written all over your face." 

"Oh," Rey chuckles, and for the first time in God knows how long she actually smiles. It's slight and it's easy but it's a smile, and it feels good to grace her freckled cheeks. She hopes that Alte can be somewhat of a friend moving forward. She's been alone for so long, it's nice to have someone treat her like a companion.

A siren begins to go off and Alte suddenly springs into action, returning whatever Rey chose not to wear to the closet. "The Supreme Leader has landed, come with me," she tells Rey as she grabs her hand, and Rey's heart jumps at the mere mention of Ben. Being away from him as made something in her core ache, and she wasn't sure if it was from the bond of the compassion that was beginning to grow for him. But no matter the reason her heart was beating out of her chest, willing her to go to him. 

Alte escorts her from her quarters, leading her down a bare hallway filled with black lighting. Stormtroopers fall into step with them as they make their way to the hangar bay, and with every step Rey takes, the more restless she gets. Ben is just at her fingertips, and she can practically feel his rough skin under hers.  _He's safe._

Rey is led to some sort of runway where the Knights of Ren are already standing at alert, ready for their master to arrive. Alte positions her next to a redheaded man, and the way he glances down at her with some sort of disgust makes her blood run cold. 

"So you are the Supreme Leader's right-hand woman, I presume," he spits at her, his posh voice unimpressed as his mouth set into a thin line, a failed smile. Rey doesn't answer him; instead, she looks on, awaiting Ben's arrival.

The man clears his throat and tries again. "Does scavenger suit you better?" Rey's eyes dart to him, his faltered smile still gracing his lips. He extends his hand. "General Hux at your service."

Rey eyes his hand, pale and frail. "I know," is all she says, giving him one last glance before clasping her hands behind her back and underneath her new cloak, refusing to be intimidated or embarrassed by this man. The truth is, she didn't know  _exactly_ who Hux was, but only heard about what type of man he was through Finn's many horror stories about the First Order. From her understanding,  _he_ was the major problem she needed to find a way to deal with before Ben was free to join her in the light, now that Snoke was no longer. 

There's a deep  _boom_ from an object breaking the sound barrier and suddenly Kylo's TIE silencer is in the hangar in all of its black and shiny glory. Rey raised an eyebrow. Clearly, the First Order had more money than the Resistance. Not even Poe Dameron's TIE was this nice. 

She looks around the vast room as everyone stands at attention, on alert as the newest Supreme Leader steps foot on  _the Finalizer._ She cranes her neck to see around the Stormtroopers and the officers in order to see him, and General Hux scoffs beside her at her actions. Rey rolls her eyes.  _Whatever._

Her breath catches with his dark eyes find hers, and she watches them harden when he sees who's next to her. Immediately, he makes his way over to her, bowing his head at his Knights, acknowledging the First Order Commanders. Her heart is beating quite literally out of her chest when he's finally in front of her, and a shudder wracks through her as he looks down her body, without a doubt taking in her darker appearance. He swallows, and when their eyes meet again, she's breathless. The electricity between them is there again, the warmth deep in her belly returning. 

She doesn't even realize she isn't breathing until Ben breaks eye contact with her, turning to Hux as Rey has to quite literally suck in a breath to keep from fainting. Her cheeks are flushed, and it's suddenly way too hot under her cloak.

"Supreme Leader," Hux greets him, the way he speaks makes him sound almost sarcastic. He bows deeply, falling to a knee, tilting his head to the floor. Ben only glances at him, barely acknowledging him before returning his attention back to Rey. 

"Come," he commands, holding out his arm, an invitation to join him. 

Rey finds it incredibly easy to fall into step with him, and his hand is on her back once again, urging her forward. She's practically putty in his hands as they walk through the crowds of First Order officers and Stormtroopers. They're all watching her with him, but the only thing Rey can focus on is the feel of his hand on her body. God, she wishes he would at least move it anywhere other than her back. She needs more of him; she wants to be greedy with him. 

"Nice cloak," he comments, his long fingers fisting in the fabric. Rey shivers but doesn't allow her mind to give away her true feelings. Instead, she keeps her eyes trained forward, allowing him to lead her wherever he was taking her. 

Rey swallows. Small talk felt weird with them. "Thank you. And thank you for everything you have since given me and had prepared for me."

He suddenly stops them, throwing a passive look over his shoulder to make sure no one is following them before he steps into her personal space, making her step backward until her back hits the cold metal walls. He's overwhelming her senses and her thoughts flatline as he pushes her gently into the shadows. 

"You are my equal," he tells her, and she's mystified, her eyes trained on his full lips. "You are to be treated as such with nothing but the best." 

Rey nods, unable to find words. Ben raises a hand, fingertips going to the wall next to her head, boxing her in. She could faint; she could melt right now, right into his arms, in a puddle of stardust and Jakku sand. 

"The force keeps...  _drawing_ me to you," he murmurs, his voice dropping. His other hand goes to Rey's cheek, his fingers barely brushing the freckles on her face. He looks almost confused, like he's trying to figure out what to make of her. Her heart is in her throat and he rendered her immobile, physically unable to breathe. "I thought this would end with Snoke but it's only gotten stronger-" he glances at her lips. "More intense." 

Rey wants nothing more than to reach out and grab him, but the way he holds himself makes it nearly impossible. He seems so regal, so untouchable, her fingers would surely burn. 

Ben eases off of her when a few officers walk by but finds his way back into her orbit once they leave, even closer if that were possible. 

"Don't be afraid," she whispers, trembling fingers working up the courage to reach out and gently grab his sides. He jumps at her touch before shifting closer, and she realizes he's shaking just as much as she is. "I feel it too." 

The shaking hand on her cheek moves forward, his thumb brushing her bottom lip so softly she's not even sure he touched it. Rey forces a shaky breath out through parted lips, swallowing hard. She's absolutely petrified, their bond running deeper than either of them thought it would.

Ben taps her bottom lip once more. "I'm not afraid." 

She soon realizes that he's waiting for her to do something. Push him away or pull him closer. He's forcing her to be the one to make the plunge first and it is making her maniacal, unable to form coherent thoughts. 

Silently, Rey steps forward into his personal space, her cautious eyes never leaving his. She tilts her head back at the same time he leans down, and just like that, they're kissing.

The electricity between them finally comes to a head, shocking them both, forcing them apart and making them step back. Rey touches her lips before looking up at him, his eyes wild. Her body is itching for her to grab him, she needs  _more._

And apparently so does he, because he's winding an arm beneath her cloak around her waist, pulling her back to him. 

This time when they kiss, it's different. He's starved and she's burning, neither truly knowing what they're doing, but too wound up to actually care. The thumb on her cheek goes to her chin, forcing her head back. Rey becomes braver, her arms thinking on their own accord, reaching up to wrap around his neck. She pulls him down to her level, reaching behind him to grab the hood of his cloak, pulling it over his head, drawing him further into the shadows. The arm around her waist tightens, and he reaches his other hand behind her, ripping his gloves off. When his bare hands meet the naked skin that's exposed by her top, the sound she makes against his lips isn't even human. It's not her, but rather some sort of sexy creature that you would only find on Coruscant or Canto Bight. 

Ben reaches a finger lower... lower... lower until it's dipping into her pants, and her legs actually do give out this time, forcing him to hold her up as he kisses her. He's holding her so tight she's sure she'll break in half, but she couldn't care less when his tongue darts out to taste her lips. She opens her mouth with a whimper, and it's not until then does she realize that he has her absolutely, positively wrecked. 

His finger brushes her abdomen and she flexes, the same provocative sound from before escaping her again. If she didn't know his mind already she would have sworn he chuckled against her lips.

"Welcome to the First Order," he mutters, removing a hand from her body just long enough to set it on the hand scanner next to her. The door beeps and slides open, and the hand on her stomach pushes her into what she realizes is her quarters.

Months ago, she would have convulsed at the sound of those words. But now, feeling him force his hands into her hair and ruining her bun, his body pressing against hers as he downright overwhelms her, she wasn't so sure.

In fact, nothing has ever felt so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I was going to make this a slow burn... but nah.
> 
> But a makeout sesh isn't going to make them suddenly all lovey-dovey so if you want to get technical it's still technically a slow burn LOL
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, they truly mean so much to me!


	3. Whatever You Want, It Is Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Rey won't want to join the dark side, but she might not mind at least dipping her toe in it...
> 
> Also, a bit of a side note, you might have noticed that I describe Rey as being substantially darker than Kylo, like I will in this chapter, and that's because I headcanon her to be. She is from a desert planet after all, and I like to picture her as maybe a different race/ethnicity than just a white brunette (which, a disclaimer: Daisy is WONDERFUL as Rey!). Plus, I also like the contrast it creates between them physically.
> 
> Chapter song: "Eyelids" by PVRIS.

Rey is awoken by the bright sun glimmering through the open windows, shining onto her naked back. She stretches, sheets strewn across her narrow hips, burrowing herself deeper into the bed beneath her.

An airy laugh flows through her lips as fingers ghost down her spine, lips following the touch. She opens her eyes and takes in the spacious room, the breeze from outside blowing the light curtains around. Rey wasn't exactly sure what planet they were on but she wasn't questioning it, blinking her vision into focus before rolling over.

Ben Solo's kind eyes meet her own, and Rey can't help but smile. "I wasn't finished," he teases, ducking down to quickly kiss her collarbone. Her smile grows into a grin, her fingers going to the nape of his neck, pulling him over her. He obliges willingly, his hands going to her bare waist as he settles in between her legs. Her temperature spikes as he bites her bottom lip, and she playfully yelps.

"Hey," she warns him with a smirk, breaking their kiss, running her hands through his long hair. "No biting. I thought I told you that last time." 

"I thought you strictly meant your thighs," he shot back, placing his hand on her thigh for dramatic effect before sinking lower to her knee, hiking it over his hip. Rey gasps and he grins, leaning in to kiss her once more. 

It's slow and easy and weightless, and it feels just like they're kissing for the first time again. He eases off of her and she pouts but keeps him close in her grip on his broad shoulders. 

"I love you, Ben," she tells him, and it's so  _damn_ easy to tell him she loves him. The smile that graces his face makes it to his eyes, and he leans in to kiss the tip of her sunburnt nose. His hand begins to dip in between her legs, and her raised eyebrow is met with a mischevious wink.

"I love you too, Rey." 

* * *

Rey jolts awake, her heavy breathing filling her quarters. The room is completely silent except for her ragged breaths, and she slaps her hand to her forehead. She's sweating and bothered, and her dream did nothing but freak her out. It felt so  _real_ , almost as if she were viewing their future. 

She tosses the sheets off her body and throws her legs off the edge of the bed, planting her feet on the cold tile floor, hoping to cool herself down. She never had a dream quite so vivid, and she couldn't help but wonder if it were Ben that was doing this to her. If he could appear in front of her from across the galaxy, surely he could plant dreams in her mind. 

Rey rests her elbows on her bare thighs, bending her back to put her head in her hands. Not even a day on this ship and he already has her going mad. 

Or maybe her dream could just be from their kiss. In reality, all they did  _was_ kiss. She wanted to do more, she wanted to do  _so much more,_ but he brought her down from the high he worked her up to and parted from her before things could actually escalate. Rey supposes it's for the best considering they barely knew each other, but their force bond fought against them. It wanted him to stay with her, through the night and then some.

With a groan, she stands, grabbing the cloak strewn over the chair in front of the small desk. She ties it around her naked shoulders before stepping into her boots, stepping out into the hall. There's nothing making a sound except the machines beneath the walls and she figures everyone is asleep or on patrol. She had no idea where his chambers were but she followed her instincts, walking through the bare halls, clutching her cloak tightly to her chest as she trusts the force. It's guiding her right to him.

Rey stops in front of a large door and her mind is buzzing.  _This has to be it_. With a deep breath, she concentrates, willing the door open. It slides open easily, and she's actually surprised yet proud of herself. 

She steps into the dark room and his eyes flit to hers in the reflection of the wall before she even rounded the corner into his chambers. He knew she was coming. Of course, he did. They shared thoughts.

He’s shirtless, his black pants strung low on his hips. He hadn’t even had time to fasten his belt before she barged in. Or maybe he was undressing. 

“I want to try something,” Rey murmured as if she were in a haze, staring at the milky skin on his back, twisting and turning to obscenely cover the sharp muscles beneath. Kylo didn’t answer her because he didn’t have to. She felt him grant her permission through the force.

Her heart was thumping in her ears, quite unable to fully catch her breath as she walked into his space. They’ve kissed before, and it’s been heavy and intense and electrifying, but they haven’t done anything like what she’s about to try.

He stands as she crosses the room to stand before him, physically unable to match his questioning gaze. Instead, she focuses her sight on the freckles that pepper his chest, running into the few scars that stain his skin.

Rey hesitates before reaching her hand out, pressing her fingers as gently as possible to his chest. It’s soft, much softer than she expected it to be. But still, the hard muscle shudders under her fingers, and she finally looks at his face just in time to see him close his eyes. He’s breathing noisily through his nose, and he leans into her touch, just slightly.

“Is this okay?”

Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears her and nods. Right. Okay. Rey continues, placing her other hand adjacent to the one already pressed into his skin. Her head is swimming and her hands are lit on fire, his skin burning her fingers to the bone as she moves them, palms sliding easily over marble skin. They're both shaking but they're shaking as one; moving in sync, breathing in tune. His thoughts are hers and she's actually surprised that he doesn't have any walls up. Instead, he allows her in, and she instantly knows the dream wasn't his doing.

"What dream?" 

Rey falters, her hands freezing on his chest. Damn him and damn Luke Skywalker for not teaching her how to put up mental blockades yet. 

"I, uh-" she starts, swallowing. It's so quiet, it only feels right to whisper. "I had a dream. About you and I. I thought, perhaps, it was your doing. Now I know it wasn't."

Eventually, he opens his eyes, and Rey instantly notices they're ridden with exhaustion. He certainly didn't have a normal past few days thanks to her, and the desperation for rest was evident on his face. "What was it about?" He asks, his low timbre matching her whisper. 

Rey's cheeks flare red. "You don't have to ask," she tells him, almost mumbling. She  _really_ didn't want to say it out loud; it was embarrassing. "You can just read my mind, or whatever it is you do."

"I could," he reasons, his eyes narrowing slightly at her. "But I am asking." 

She's actually taken aback. The great Kylo 'I-can-take-whatever-I-want' Ren asking for information instead of forcing it out of her? "That's polite," she finally murmurs through the dark air between them, looking up at him through her lashes. 

He runs a hand through his hair. "Yes, well, I'm trying. I figure we need to trust each other now." 

The corners of her lips turn up. "That we do." 

Their conversation falls, leaving them alone in the eerie silence of his ship. She can hear her heartbeat in her ears; surely he can hear it, too. Rey shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and her cloak slides against her skin. She's suddenly reminded that she's still very naked, and her cheeks flush once more. 

He watches her, his eyes cutting into her very soul. "What exactly was it that you wanted to try?"

Her eyes cut to his. Is he closer? He feels closer. Her mind is screaming out, begging for her to grab him, to touch him, to feel him. "When we touch," she begins, making an effort to step closer. He notices her advance but plants himself, forcing her to come to him. "It's... electric. There's something... drawing us together. The more we touch, the stronger it gets." Rey's eyes flit to his. "I wonder how strong it  _could_ get, if that's okay."

She doesn't get an answer out of him; instead, he reaches up, gripping the messy bow of her cloak. Rey holds her breath through clenched teeth as he unties it, letting it fall to the floor with a soft  _thud._ She's already breathless as she watches him watch her, reaching out a hand. His knuckle brushes her stomach ever so slightly and she braces herself for the jolt of bliss that shudders through her, his fingers a stark contrast to her bronzed skin. 

"Your thoughts are screaming," Ben murmurs almost under his breath, moving his hand to palm her side. Her eyes close involuntarily, letting the force guide her. Of course, he knew she was naked, just like he knows everything else swirling around in her head. She isn't trying to be an open book but in this second, as his hand moves to her hip to pull her closer, she truly couldn't care less about her damn thoughts and what they might be giving him. 

"I can't hear yours," she whispers back, afraid that if she moves she'll scare him off. His eyes finally move from her body to her face, an indistinguishable emotion churning in his dark eyes. 

"There's a  _reason_ for that," he answers, pulling her closer, and closer, until her chest brushes his, her nipples erect. Rey's breath catches in her throat but she doesn't dare look away from him, her eyes hypnotized by his. 

His fingertips brush her thigh and she closes her eyes once more, allowing him to mend her and mold her to his liking in his hands. "I thought we were supposed to trust each other," she finally says, when the hand on her waist travels up to her breasts, outlining the shape. 

"Do we not?" The hand on her thigh moves backward, grabbing the flesh of her ass. She arches into him, an arm reaching up to wrap around his neck, anchoring him to her. He leans down to her and she buries her face in his neck, breathing him in, intoxicating herself with him and his scent. 

"Do we?" She shoots back, her lips brushing his neck as she speaks, and she doesn't miss the way goosebumps rise on his skin under her breath. "Tell me what you're thinking." 

He's already shaking his head against her, practically hugging her to him. "It's much too inappropriate to say to an apprentice." 

The meaning of his words dawn on Rey and she bites her lip, loosening her grip on his neck to pull back and look at him. His eyes are darker now - hazier, and she can't focus on anything but his lips and his body and  _him_  as his finger goes to her chin, tilting her head back, kissing her. Rey practically moans into his mouth as she pulls him closer, standing on her tiptoes in nothing but her boots. Strong arms go around her waist to lift her off the ground, carrying her briefly before dropping her on what she realizes is silk bedding, and if she wasn't so turned on she would have teased him about it. 

His hands are quite literally all over her as he moves his lips to her neck. Rey's mind is short-circuiting and blanking, unable to concentrate on anything except the way his lips feel on her neck and the way his hands feel on... well, everything else. 

It takes her a minute once she feels him between her legs that he's using the force on her. "That's not fair," she breathes, a dreamy smile on her lips as he kisses down her neck. Rey allows a leg to fall to the side, giving his body between them more room. "You can do that and I can't." 

"I'll teach you," he tells her, his voice hot on her chest. Goosebumps rise on her skin as she reaches between them, hooking her fingers on the front of his pants. He sucks in a breath, propping himself up on an elbow to give her more room. Their eyes lock as she pulls them down, lower and lower until he has to kick them off. When he rests his weight back on her she shivers, realizing that they're both completely naked. 

Briefly, she wonders if he's ever done this with anyone else. She certainly hasn't. Jealousy flares in the pit of her stomach as her hands explore his back. But what is she jealous of? He isn't exactly hers, as much as she wants him to be in this moment. Not to mention Luke doesn't seem like the type to let an apprentice run rampant with women. Rey dips her fingers into the ridges of muscles, digging her nails into his broad shoulders. The sound he lets out is somewhere between a moan and painful hiss, and he leans in to capture her lips once more.

It's gentler this time and she's almost uncomfortable with it. He holds her face with carefulness as if she's porcelain he's afraid to break. Rey runs a hand over his shoulder, down his arm, stopping on his wrist as he kisses her. A leg reaches up to wrap around his bare waist while another lays flat, toeing his calf. She was buzzing, his touch searing her skin down to the bone. She was restless, and his touch only made her restlessness grow.

He begins to move down her body, his lips following the sunspots on her dark skin. He kisses the dip between her collarbone, the valley of her breasts; down the line between abdomen muscles, down to her hip bones. Her hands go to his hair, pulling hard as he licks the juncture between her thigh and hip. 

His fingers traced the lines of her hip bones, ignoring her shiver as he pulls back and frowns. She was skinny. Did the resistance not feed her?

“From Jakku,” she breathes out a half-moan, reading his mind quite easily, like that should just suddenly explain everything to him. His fingers tighten around her slim thighs, and he feels her shudder under him.

His thumb taps the bone jutting from her skin before leaning down to place his lips there, feeling her body tense in pleasure under him. “Well, not anymore. You will never have to suffer again.”

Kylo returns his lips to her tanned skin, gingerly throwing a slim leg over his shoulder. He shuffles closer, his fingers digging into the flesh on her thigh as he kisses her stomach. She shudders, and he can tell her mind is stalling on something. He draws it out of her.

“Because I’m Empress?”

He halts his ministrations almost instantly, his eyes meeting hers. His eyes are hooded, and another bolt of pleasure surges through her. “Do you want to be?”

Rey's fingers release his hair from her death grip, allowing her body to fall against his expensive pillows, exhaling. “Do you want me to be?” She asks him, staring up at the pristine ceiling. She briefly wonders if anyone is above them, listening to them.

With an annoyed huff, Kylo reaches a hand up to push the long hair from his face, a snarl leaving his full lips. He didn't want to answer her. Rey can feel the turmoil in him, and so she reaches out through the force, pushing him, willing him to give her answers. 

"You aren't unnoticeable," he snaps, shoving her out of his mind instantly. Her cheeks flare red and she deflates, biting her bottom lip. His hands tighten around her legs but he stills, unmoving.

"Tell me," she finally says, her voice a whisper, moving her hands back to his hair as if to soothe him. "Whatever you want, it is yours." 

He glances up at her through thick eyelashes and hooded eyes and she could melt. His breath is mystical on her skin, and if she could stay here for the rest of her life she would. This string between them is so tightly pulled, she's sure he feels it too.

"When I asked you to rule the galaxy with me, I meant it," he begins, his words heavy in the dark. "I would be honored if you would be my Empress, given you have me as your Emperor." 

She never expected an allegiance to be so sexy but it was. There was something intimate about this, being naked under his eyes; body and soul. He's looking at her with such intensity she's sure she might melt under him. The force between them is flowing more than ever, connecting them in ways she couldn't imagine. Everything of hers was his; her mind, her thoughts, her body. She was his. Wholeheartedly, undeniably his. 

So it makes sense when she props herself up on her elbows and looks down at him, breathes, and whispers "yes." 

His lips go to her core and her head falls back, her mouth opening with a moan. He has  _definitely_ done this before, even if it was just in his dreams.

As his mouth works at her center, she realizes this is something she never thought she even needed until now. The pleasure he brings her alone is enough to break her.  _The Finalizer_ could come crashing down around them in fire and stardust and the only thing she would even notice is his tongue against her core. Her abdomen flexes and she has to bite down on a finger to stop her moans from growing too loud. 

Eventually, the pleasure gets too great and she is forced to pull on his hair, physically removing him from her. Rey wants to say something to him, but when he looks at her with crazed eyes filled with such allure, she has no other option than to pull him up to her, kissing him.

She's melting, she thinks. His touch is so hot he's melting her into putty in his hands, moving her whichever way he wants, doing with her what he pleases. A hand goes to her neck, a thumb moving under her chin, forcing her head up so he could kiss her. The other moves to her knee, holding her leg that's wrapping around his waist in place. He anchors her to him below him, and she wraps herself around him in the most sinful way. He groans into her mouth and she shivers, surprising even herself when she uses her teeth to bite his bottom lip. 

He mutters profanities into her lips, going in and out of some language Rey can't understand. She arches her back as his hands go to her hips, bracing herself.

She swears time quite literally stops when they finally connect. It's euphoric and rapturous, and she lets out a sigh as she hugs him to her like she finally found peace. Ben's mind, on the other hand, is a storm, gripping her waist so tight, she briefly wonders if he'd  _actually_ break her. When he begins to move his grip on her only gets tighter, his knuckles turning white against her skin. 

"Ben," she breathes, her whisper shaky as she brings a hand to his cheek, willing him to look at her, to focus on her. "Ben." 

He pries his eyes from the hands on her hips to look at her, and much like his mind, his eyes are conflicted. Is this the dark side doing this to him? Rey knows that they are driven by passion and emotion, but was this too much for him?

She watches him swallow and clench his jaw, trying to ground himself. He was lost in his emotions, the pleasure almost too great. He deprived himself of human contact for so long he was almost overstimulated just by her touch. 

Under him, Rey is impatient. She squirms, moving her hips, needing to find some sort of friction. She's too pent up; too aroused. Never has she ever felt pleasure as intense as this, and she needs  _more_. 

With a sort of growl, Kylo hikes her leg further up his hip, pushing himself deeper. Rey's eyes practically roll back, the hand on his back pressing into hard muscle. He begins to move his hips against her; slowly at first and then speeding up with each thrust. He practically cradles her to him as he moves his body with hers, kissing her neck as his fingers pull on her clean hair. 

Sweat is forming on her temples and the valley between her breasts as they move, and her vision begins to blur as he reaches a certain spot deep within her she never knew existed. Her irregular breaths are basically pants at this point, her fingernails digging into his skin. His gruff breath is fanning over her neck and chest, goosebumps rising as she moans out, cursing the force for not bringing him to her sooner. And why hadn't it? From the way they connected so quickly when they first met, surely the force planned to bond them together all along. 

Rey's pleasure finally comes to a head and she suddenly unravels, nails clawing at his back, holding him to her in a death grip as she shakes. She mewls and moans, and she sees white. Her ears and ringing and her body is trembling but she's never felt anything so erotic in her life. Her lips find their way to his neck and he sucks in a sharp breath as she kisses his skin.

His hands tighten their hold on her body and he lets out a strangled groan, burying his head in her neck. "Fuck," he mutters into her skin, breathless. He collapses on her and she welcomes his weight, hugging him to her, silent as they work to even their breathing. The room is hot and Rey feels her eyes grow heavy. But before sleep can overtake her, Kylo is working his way out of her grasp, reaching down to grab his pants. 

Rey sits up on his bed, acutely aware she's very naked. "Where are you going?" she asks, awkwardly reaching a hand up to cover herself, trying to save her modesty. Now that the pleasure is gone and she found out just how far their bond can take them, she finally realizes what they did. They slept together; they crossed the uncrossable. She was his. Rey wills her heart to stop beating so erratically in her chest, forcing herself to look at him.

Kylo glances up at her as he grabs his tunic, shoving it over his broad shoulders. "I have to take care of something," is all he tells her, his voice low as if he were trying to maintain the quietness around them. Her cheeks burn as she watches him dress, fastening his cloak around him, followed by his cape. Rey notices it's red on the inside, and she imagines it could look quite intimidating if it were ever marching towards you. 

She reaches out to hug her knees to her chest, flexing her toes. "Anything I should know about?"

He sighs, straightening up after slipping his boots onto his feet. "No," he says, shoving his large hands into leather gloves. "At least, not yet." 

Rey swallows, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Oh. 

He makes a move to leave the room but hesitates. Ineptly, he turns and makes his way back to her, leaning down to her level, cupping her cheek in his gloved hand. She closes her eyes, sighing as he presses his lips to her other cheek. He then reaches down to grab her fingers, kissing the top of her hand. "You are more than welcome to stay here."

His grasp on her hand lingers as he moves to leave, the door hissing as it closes behind him, leaving Rey alone with nothing but her thoughts. 

The room is silent once more, but this time, it's uncomfortable. Rey feels lonely again, as if the past hour didn't happen. She's cold where his body once kept her warm, and so she shimmies under his sheets, hugging them to her under her chin. Just like him, she was starved for touch and affection, and now that it's gone she craves it. She wonders if it was as hard for him to part with Rey as it was for her. 

* * *

Kylo Ren marches through the passageway of  _the Finalizer_ , finding his way to General Hux in the front of the ship. His feet are strong but his mind is unsure, and he has to fight against his very soul to keep pushing forward instead of retreating to his quarters once more. 

He still feels her under him; her hands scratching his back, her cries in his ear. He glances down at his hands, still feeling the softness of her hair between his fingers. He tightens his hand into a fist. What did he do to deserve this? She's in his every thought, his every move. He knows she's asleep because they're so intertwined, he knows her every thought and knows that she's dreaming. 

With a heavy breath, he turns a sharp corner, a large door sliding open for him. He tries his best to push the sound of her moans and the softness of her skin to the back of his mind as he spots General Hux, hands clasped behind his back, standing tall in front of a large window. Kylo needed to focus, not let his mind wander. 

"You're late," Hux spits, emphasizing his words as he hears Kylo approach him from behind. He doesn't even glance over his shoulder, but instead rocks forward onto the balls of his feet, his eyes never leaving the First Order fleet sailing through space in front of them. 

Kylo tries his best to soothe his anger, resisting the urge to kill Hux already. "You are lucky I'm here at all," he tells his general, crossing his arms over his chest. "I have much more pressing matters." 

Finally, General Hux looks over at Kylo, taking in his Emperor's appearance, noting the bruises forming on his neck, sticking out from under the collar of his cloak. "I bet you do." 

Kylo's temper flares once more, and he takes a deep breath in through his nose. "My personal matters are none of your concern, General. Don't push your luck." 

"Supreme Leader, I am only ensuring the First Order maintains its strength. If a girl is the reason for the distraction of its Supreme Leader-"

" _She_ is none of your concern," Kylo seethes through clenched teeth, using the force to tighten Hux's airways to his lungs. Instantly, the General doubles over gasping, trying his best to breathe. "She is on  _our_ side now, and she will be treated as such." 

Carelessly, he releases the grip on Hux's throat, and the General falls to the tile floor, coughing, catching his breath. "Careful, General Hux," he says, inspecting his leather gloves closely. "I hope you do know you're replaceable." 

He watches Hux collect himself from the floor, brushing off the non-existent dust from his uniform. When he looks back at his superior, his eyes are full of hatred. "I only wish to warn you, Supreme Leader. Her allegiance could still be aligned with the Resistance. The people may not trust her." 

Kylo Ren clenches his jaw, looking away. The General was right. Surely if he told Hux about his plan to have Rey serve beside him in power, he would try to start an uprising. It's blasphemy. The people of First Order wouldn't allow it. She was an outsider, and he couldn't make anyone understand his decisions without making his Force bond with Rey known to the public. He may have the Force but the General had the people. He couldn't tell him now - not like this, at least. He supposes he'll figure it out soon. 

He fixes his posture, turning back to Hux. "The news? That you supposedly have, before you decided to delve into my personal choices?"

"We found a Resistance stronghold on Naboo," Hux explains through clenched teeth. "We are on course for the planet now. We can finally crush the Resistance once and for all." 

The news was music to Kylo's ears. With Rey now at his side, even privately, for now, there was virtually nothing that could withstand the power of both him and the First Order. With Rey fighting alongside him, they can finally accomplish what the Empire never could. He was elated. 

"How far are we from Naboo?" 

General Hux checks his watch. "We'll arrive in a few hours, unless you want us to jump to light speed. Shall I ready your silencer?" 

Kylo doesn't say anything. Instead, he crosses his arms, looking out into the vast nothingness of space.  _Finally,_ the galaxy could be at peace. No more fighting, no more useless death. In a few hours, everything will change. There will be no one who questions him and his new leadership. And now, he'll have someone rightfully ruling beside him. They'll be untouchable if they work together.

"Ready two." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: yea let's make this a slow burn!!!
> 
> Me: *makes them have sex in the third chapter*


	4. Grandmother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of how short chapter 2 was, I've decided to post not just one chapter, but two! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the First Order, where we gift TIE silencers to our significant others in order to show how much we care!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your kudos, I appreciate them all very much!
> 
> Chapter songs: "Before I Ever Met You" by Banks, "Deep End" by Ruelle.
> 
> This chapter is titled "Grandmother" and, yes, it means exactly what you think it means. Enjoy!

Rey awakes from her slumber, and for a split-second, she's at peace. She can't remember the last time she slept soundlessly, and when she stretches and feels her body slide against soft sheets, she realizes where she is and, in turn, what she did.

She throws the sheets over her head in embarrassment like a little girl, acting as if she can hide from the world. Now that the pleasurable haze was gone and Ben was no longer near her she could finally think clearly. 

Rey didn't regret what happened; she didn't regret it at all. What she  _did_ regret was giving into him so easily. The whole reason she agreed to join him was to ultimately turn him back to the light, and all she was doing was enabling him. She was blindly following him and she didn't even know where to begin on turning him. She was very much fully in his world, and he didn't even have a foot in hers. 

It takes curling her fingers around warm bedding to realize who's bed she is in. Her eyes travel upward and the walls are taller than the ones in her quarters, and the bed is twice the size. She's in his room.

With an exhale, she falls back into the pillows, clutching the blankets to her chest. It was silent and she figured that's how he likes it. Alte mentioned meditating. Maybe the quietude helps that; she hopes to learn about that soon, whether it's through the Jedi order or the Sith. 

The Sith. Rey is shocked that her stomach no longer churns merely at the sound of the word. Because, in reality, would it really be so bad to be trained as a Sith? Passion has always driven her but she knows the fatal flaws of a Sith, and, taking in the state around her, she couldn't even consider the Jedi's code of abstinence from romantic love. Even within the Force, she feels as though she doesn't have a place. 

But she also knows Ben doesn't either; at least not now. His heart isn't evil. She knows this in the way he touches her back to guide her, through the way his eyes follow her when she moves, through the thoughts he lets accidentally slip through his mental walls. He questions his allegiance to his respective side of the Force as much as she does. 

She closes her eyes and instantly she feels his presence. He's not next to her but he's near, pacing somewhere, and she feels the anger radiate off of him. Soon enough, his anger becomes hers. It spreads through her chest, down her arms and legs, fizzing out at her fingertips and toes. Rey's eyebrows draw together.  _No._ She doesn't want this for him.

With a deep breath, she reaches out, her mind going to his, attempting to soothe his thoughts. Rey feels her soul move through walls and floors, the sensation almost magical. It was quite like nothing she ever experienced, and for the first time in her life, she felt free. And when her mind finally finds him, her heart catches in her throat, like it always does when she sees him. 

And when she opens her eyes, he's actually  _there,_ looking at her with bemusement. Rey begins to say something, but he suddenly cuts her off, turning away from her.

"Are you sure?" he asks, and it takes a minute for Rey to realize he's not alone. "This plan, are you certain it will end in success?" He throws a quick look at Rey, sensing she's still there.  _Get out of my head._

She feels a push, but it's weak and fleeting and no, she realizes, he doesn't want her out of his head. So she sits up, wrapping the sheets around her shoulders, watching him watch her from the corner of his eye as he paces. 

"I'm not underestimating the First Order," he barks at someone, his fist clenching and then quickly unclenching. "I'm simply making sure we are ready for anything. If the Resistance has any secret weapons, I want to know about them." 

Rey watches him pace with a gleam of awe. There was something about the way he holds himself now that he is the one in charge of himself, and it intrigued her. He certainly was putting up a good front as Supreme Leader, and now she thinks he may actually know what he's doing. 

She doesn't realize she's lost in thought of him until their connection is severed. As always, there's an ache in her chest, as if someone cut a piece out of her, but it doesn't last long when she hears the door to his chambers slide open. 

"Never do that again," he warns her with narrowed eyes, stepping into the room before she could even turn to him, ridding himself of his gloves and dropping them on the table by the bed. "I don't even want to think what General Hux would do if he found out about this."

Her brows draw together. "Is  _this_ supposed to be a secret?"

"I-" He looks at her, his eyes traveling to her freckled shoulder before returning to her face, his expression torn between what she suspected frustration and confusion. "I don't know. I don't know how to navigate... this. I'd rather it stay private until we know what this is, exactly." 

Rey blinks. Alright. Keep it secret. Simple enough. She reaches up to shake her hair out, and she doesn't miss the way his eyes follow her movements, watching the arch of her back bend. "Who were you talking to about the Resistance?"

He moves to sit at the edge of his bed, rolling his shoulders, tilting his head back towards the tiled ceiling, letting out a breath. "General Hux. He found a stronghold." 

Honestly, she's actually shocked he's honest with her without her having to pry, or at least give him a proper mental push. Now that he's actually  _here_ she wants nothing more than to reach out, to touch him, but it almost seems inappropriate now. She could tell he mentally wasn't the same man she ventured into a few hours back, and she wasn't exactly sure how to bring that man back to her. 

Scooting closer, she swallows. "What are you going to do?"

He looks at her and suddenly the electricity between them is there again as if it never left. She feels drawn to him once more, the red strings of fate pulling on their skin, willing her to touch him. She has to physically ground herself, digging her nails into her palms to avoid reaching out. 

He's not as disciplined. He reaches out, his thumb brushing her cheekbone. She exhales, her sweet breath fanning his face, and he watches her eyes close at his touch. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with right now." 

Rey's conscience is at a standstill. Her body wants nothing more than to pull his tunic off and pull him on top of her, but her mind is racing. She doesn't want to just be his plaything; his shiny toy. She wants an active role in this situation, because the more power she has, the more influence she'll have. And the more influence she has, the easier it'll be to turn him back to the light. 

Her body lets out a shudder when his fingertips move to her neck and it takes everything in her to reach up and grip his wrist, pulling his touch away from her. His eyes are wild and his heart is beating slightly faster than normal and all she wants is more, more, more but she shakes the thoughts from her mind, continuing. "When are you going to treat me as an equal?"

"You are. You are, quite literally, in the Supreme Leader's bed."

"Not what I meant." 

Kylo drops her hand with a sigh and the ache in Rey's chest returns as soon as contact is lost. She watches him look down at his fingers in his lap, massaging the gloved palm of his right hand. She feels the conflict within him as if he's trying to pick and choose his words carefully. 

"They don't trust you," he tells her, squinting his eyes as he looks down, balling his hand into a fist. Rey shares the sinking feeling he has in the pit of his stomach. "General Hux. A few others. The Knights." He looks up to let out a biting laugh, not because he is amused but angry. "They think you are still part of the Resistance regardless of what I say." 

Rey's stomach drops and she has to instantly put mental walls up without his detection. She didn't think they knew but they at least had a hunch, and she didn't want to think what Ben would do if he found out her true intentions. Before, he brushed off her vision of the future, but now, if he knew just how serious she actually  _was_ about turning him, he might actually give her a reaction. One she didn't want. 

"Rey?" 

Right away she clears her mind, forcing herself to be at peace as she looks at him. He's looking at her expectantly, and she realizes he said something. "I'm sorry, what?"

The corner of his lips twitch up in frustration. "I said you must dress. I have a surprise for you." 

She almost expects him to kiss her forehead like he did before, but he only stands, giving her a slight nod before exiting his chambers. Almost instantly, Alte crowds inside, arms full of cloaks and capes. Rey is relieved by the presence of the familiar woman, and she helps her pick out a modest tunic and trousers. Rey scoops up the cape from before off the floor, and she feels her cheeks redden as she wraps the heavy fabric around her shoulders, allowing Alte to tie a bow, remembering the provocative way Ben removed it from her body. 

"My sources say you'll be on the ground for quite some time." Alte is making small talk. "I can pack your things from your previous room if you wish. It must not be more than a few days at most, but it will be hot, so you may want to go without the cape."

"The cape is fine," Rey says, hugging the fabric around her shoulders. The cape was warm. The cape reminded her of home.

With one more glance over her shoulder at the now familiar bedding, she allows Alte to lead her from Ben's quarters, ushering her into the hall. She watches the passing stormtroopers and officers look at her as if she were a prisoner of the First Order, not Empress. Maybe they think she  _is_ a prisoner. Kylo Ren's personal prisoner. It turns her blood cold. But Alte crowds her as if she's protecting her, and it prompts Rey to ask questions.

"Why are you helping me?"

Alte gives her that warm, kind smile once more, guiding her to the hangar bay. "I've been assigned to you. Sort of like a handmaiden, but less royal. I voice my opinions when needed, help you throughout the day, and even be a friend if you need one." 

Rey nods once. "That doesn't sound very First Order-like." 

"That's because it's not," Alte informs her. "I was assigned to you personally by the Supreme Leader. He wants to offer you protection." 

The little girl inside her wants to swoon. As someone who was left alone and defenseless on Jakku, the idea of someone finally protecting her makes her stomach flutter and her heart swell. The suggestion of a knight and shining armor, especially if it was Ben, was tempting, and the thought of their Force bond tying them closer together just cemented it in her heart. But the adult she was now has been independent for quite some time now, and she didn't need protection. And by the way she defeated him in the forest on Starkiller Base, she didn't need protection from  _him_.

The hangar bay is abuzz once the doors slide open, and straightaway her eyes find Ben, positioned just next to his TIE silencer, his posture at attention as he directs pilots to their posts. Alte leads her to him, bowing her head slightly when she passes superior officers. With a raised hand, Kylo dismisses Alte's presence, rendering the two of them alone. 

Rey eyes the sleek metal of the silencer. "Where are you going?"

" _We_ ," he corrects her, and her eyebrows draw together. "I have something for you." 

He reaches his hand out to her and she accepts, ignoring the electricity jolting through her, poising herself as he guides her forward. He leads her toward another TIE fighter, one that is without a pilot, a crewmember on a ladder polishing the body of the ship. At the sight of Kylo Ren, the crewmember jumps, his hands shaky as he makes his way down the ladder, keeping his head down as he scurries past the Supreme Leader. Clearly, he instilled fear into the First Order members. 

 She can't help herself when she reaches out, tracing the sleek metal of the wings with her fingertips. "It's amazing," she breathes. "Is this yours?" 

"Not exactly." He watches her, almost with some sort of amusement at her reaction. "It's yours."

Rey whips her head around to look at him, dropping her hand from the wing, her mouth agape. "I- what?"

"It's yours," he repeats, his heart thudding in his chest as he watches the grin spread across her face. "I had it made for you. I hope you like it." 

Her eyes light up, not sure what she should say next. "You had this made in two days?" She asks, the smile dropping from her face, her awe written all over her face. She'd generously call her self a sort of self-proclaimed engineer, and the whole ship being made in 48 standard hours was unbelievable. 

"Technically the First Order technicians did. They can actually be very talented when they want to be." 

The corners of Rey's lips twitch up, her eyes following the shape of the new silencer. "Is the great Kylo Ren actually being  _nice_?" She teases, sliding her gaze towards him. 

He opens his mouth to respond, but a siren cutting through the hangar stops him. Rey watches the amused look on his face become instantly replaced with one of business, and she feels her heart actually ache. They were having a moment. 

Rey is still confused when a crewmember scurries up to her, helping her into her new silencer. She glances down at Ben from the pilot's seat, and she can't quite explain it but calmness washes over her as he stares up at her, and it doesn't take her long to realize the emotion is coming from him. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Follow me," is all he tells her, and her eyes follow his back as he retreats from her, making his way back to his own ship. She takes a deep breath as she starts the engine, and it instantly springs to life, the engine growling as the cockpit lights up. Her heart begins to beat faster as she watches Ben's ship make her way through the hangar, and she presses the button to unclip her own silencer from the ground, following him.

His voice crackles through the cockpit, and she feels calm once more, watching the First Order Navy follow the Supreme Leader's lead. "Jumping to lightspeed in 3... 2... 1..."

She presses the button on his mark, and instantly she watches the starts turning into blinding lines, her silencer propelling her through space. The jump is much smoother than what she remembers from the millennium falcon, and with a smile, she quickly yanks the yoke to the left, laughing in amazement when her silencer does an undisturbed barrel roll.  _Definitely_ smoother than the millennium falcon. 

In the other silencer, Kylo Ren finds himself hanging onto every giggle and gasp coming through his comm unit. He finds it hard to focus, trusting his navy to be able to spot Resistance defenses for him, listening to Rey's sounds of joy. 

He clenches his jaw as his fingers tighten around his yoke, his temper flaring again. Kylo Ren does not  _feel_. Kylo Ren is not a  _boy_ who allows his heart to flutter over a simple laugh. He was a Supreme Leader, and he needed to start acting like one. She wasn't his wife or some longtime lover. She was his Empress. 

He's paying enough attention to make the jump out of lightspeed, Rey following closely. They made it to their destination, and his brow draws together. Where is the Resistance? 

Rey, on the other hand, finds herself in awe once more. Just like Takodana, the whole planet is covered in green, cut apart by winding rivers and oceans. She sees clouds in the atmosphere, and it's by far the most breathtaking planet she ever saw. She never had the chance to see views like this back home on Jakku. 

She follows him into the atmosphere, and they land just outside of what looks like some sort of city, possibly the capital. When they land, she finds her way out of the silencer, allowing Ben to help her down. She looks around, the air humid but not too hot, the sun keeping her surrounded in warmth. The greenery was beautiful, colorful flowers blooming at their feet, the buildings in the close distance grand and elaborate. 

Rey turns to Ben. "Where are we?"

He reaches a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun, and it makes his pale skin almost iridescent. She supposes Kylo Ren never got much time to enjoy himself in the sun. "Naboo." 

She can't help the smile that creeps onto her face. She has only ever heard of Naboo through legends and historical texts, and she's giddy to finally be able to visit the planet. Rey reaches a hand out to cup a red flower in her palm, feeling his eyes on her as she uses her thumb to delicately rub a petal, the texture soft and cold. She realizes this is the first time she ever touched a flower. 

"We're here on business," he tells her, cutting through her trance. "Intelligence says there's a Resistance stronghold here. One of the last ones. We need to keep moving, Rey." 

With a sigh, she drops the flower, falling into step with him as they make their way towards the city. "What will the First Order do?"

"Destroy the stronghold, of course," he explains, and the words leave a bad taste in her mouth. "We destroy the stronghold, and the First Order can finally rule without any discrepancies. The galaxy will finally know peace." 

Rey bites the inside of her cheek. "A dictatorship is not peace, Ben." 

"What makes you think I will rule as a dictator?" He asks her, and she peeks at him from the corner of her eye. 

"For one, you're vowing to destroy the Resistance," she says. "If you are set on wiping out everyone who doesn't agree with you, that sounds like a dictatorship."

He works to keep his frustration internal, not allowing it to seep into their Force bond. He will not allow her to feel his uneasiness. "How do you suppose we should rule, then?"

Rey shrugs. She's not a politician. She isn't versed in this sort of thing, and now, looking back on their decision, she doesn't think that she's too equipped to be the Empress of the First Order, both mentally and emotionally. But when she glances up at the skyline of the nearing city, dotted with the crystals of Theed Palace shimmering in the bright sun, she has an idea. 

"What about a monarchy?"

He suddenly tenses next to her, and she realizes what she has done. He comes from a monarchy. A broken one, yes, but a monarchy nonetheless. He was the Prince of a non-existent planet, his mother the Princess. She figures this is the last thing he wants to be reminded of. 

He swallows. "How would we go about that?" 

Her eyes go from the palace, to the city surrounding it, to the waterfalls. They enter the city limits, and city officials are waiting for them, and they give forced smiles and welcome the duo to Theed. "For one, we won't wipe out people who disagree with us," she tells him, watching a foreign man hand him a letter. He opens it, reading it silently as they walk through the city. "We can elect officials, and have some sort of constitution, and-"

"Well it won't matter anyway," he growls, crumpling up the paper, throwing it on the ground. His anger was growing. "The Resistance isn't here." 

Relief washes over her. "That's good." 

He groans, running a fast hand through his long hair. "It's  _not._ They needed to  _be here!"_

"Hey, it's okay," she tells him. She reaches out a hand to grab his shoulder but he moves just out of her reach, beginning to pace. He balls his hands into fists, so tight the leather of his gloves strains over his knuckles.

"It's not okay, Rey!" He tells her, his voice shaky. "We needed them here in order to find out where the last base is. Without them here we don't even know where to begin our search. They could be in wild space for all we know." 

In his pacing, he passes in front of some sort of statue, and Rey finds herself looking up, recognizing the woman. Her eyes grow wide, her mouth falling open. 

"Ben," she breathes, craning her neck to stare up at the stone. 

He ignores her, feeling his anger only grow. She tries again, but her words fall on deaf ears. Rey is forced physically grabs him, effectively ending his pacing. The hands on his shoulders rotate him, turning him around. "Look up."

She watches his face fall from rage to awe as he stares up at the statue. Hesitantly, he steps forward as if he might scare the statue away. 

"Recognize her?" 

Kylo's face doesn't change at her words; instead, he steps closer until he's right in front of the stone. "I-... how did you...-?" 

"She was a legend in the Republic," she tells him, stepping up behind him. "And it wasn't that hard to connect the dots. She was the wife of Anakin Skywalker and the mother of Luke and Leia... She's your grandmother, Ben."

"I know," he says with a bit of an edge, and Rey can tell he's beginning to grow uncomfortable. "I didn't think  _you_ would know, being from Jakku." 

Her brows draw together in offense. "We aren't an uneducated planet. I know my ancient history just like the rest of the galaxy." 

"Not that ancient..." he trails off, reaching a hand out, his gloved fingers brushing a foot carved carefully out of stone. He draws it back quickly as if it had burnt him, and the expression playing in his dark eyes is something between fascination and bewilderment.

Rey can feel something shift inside him because it shifts inside her as well. Vulnerability awakens deep inside him, and she's hoping this is enough to at least  _show_ him there's still light left in him. She knows that Padmé was so secure in the light, she was one of the brightest beings of her time. From what she remembers, he always shied away from his family and what he truly was, but now, standing in front of the statue erected in his grandmother's honor, he seemed to be finally embracing it. Or at least forcing himself to face it head-on.

"Have you ever spoken to her?"

He finally looks away from the statue, turning to Rey. He shakes his head, his features filled with something she couldn't quite decipher. "She was gifted with the force but she wasn't a force user like us... When she died, she became one with the force. Only she can't apparate."

Rey's heart sinks. "There has to be a way you can meet her." 

"There is," he tells her, glancing back at her statue. "If I visit her tomb, I'm guessing. She-... when she died, it's possible for her to still live on through the force. If she attaches herself to my grandfather, it's possible that she's still around. It makes sense that he'd be at her tomb." 

"You have to go!" She instantly urges, wrapping her fingers around his thick forearm. "Ben, you have to meet the rest of your family."

"Rey, I-" he cuts himself off, glancing up at the clear blue sky, letting out a groan. "This isn't something I can just... walk into. She has to want to see me in order for me to speak with her." He glances down but she feels him lean into her touch, anchoring himself to her. "What I did... she won't want to see me." 

With a breath, Rey's hand on his forearm slides down into his hand, intertwining their fingers. He lets her in easily, finding some sort of comfort in her touch. His mind was raging, a sailor lost at sea, and she was his anchor. Her touch grounded him, keeping him from disappearing right from her fingertips. She squeezes his hand, the leather warm in her palm, and he draws her closer, his eyes finally looking down to find hers. 

"I never met her," she starts, her voice soft. "But if what I've heard about her is even slightly true, she won't shut you out just because of what you've done. She's your family." 

He doesn't say anything; instead, he focuses on the freckles dotting across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. Gingerly, he raises a hand, using a knuckle to brush along her cheekbone. Rey purses her lips. He's deflecting.

She opens her mouth to budge him on the subject once more but a handful of officers walking up to them forces him to drop his hand from her face and take a modest step back. "Supreme Leader," one of them says, his voice surprisingly kind and warm. The two men behind him bow, while the man in front simply lowers his head in respect. Rey supposes different officers pay respects in different ways. 

"The First Order would benefit from staying on Naboo for a few days," the man continues, showing no sign of being afraid of Kylo Ren, much to Rey's surprise. "The people are in an unrest, and it would make sense to tighten our hold on the planet before moving on to crush the rest of the Resistance."

It doesn't take long for him to sit on the words before speaking. "Very well," he tells the man. "I've been meaning to find the time to train my apprentice, anyway."

Rey perks up at the news but keeps her composure as the man turns to her, a closed-mouth smile on his lip as he bows his head, just like he did with Kylo before her. "Always a pleasure to meet an apprentice."

She returns his smile. It felt good to smile. "You may call me Rey," she says politely. 

The men talk, throwing around terms and names of planets Rey never really understands. Maybe it's something she will learn. She watches Ben beside her, so sure of himself and his beliefs. The way he speaks doesn't make him sound like the Master of the Knights of Ren but perhaps a politician or a monarch. She remembers Leia telling her that her son was never truly interested in such things, but he seems like he was born for it. Maybe the mistake wasn't sending him off to Luke to train as a Jedi, but to underestimate his talent with negotiations. 

With the shake of hands and tight smiles being exchanged, Kylo reaches behind him, raising his dark hood over his head. He destroyed his mask in a fit of rage and in a bleak effort to prove himself to Snoke, and in hindsight, it was childish. He needs some sort of shield. Watching him, Rey does the same, the fabric pushing her face into the shadows. He once more reaches out to Rey, and he watches the smallest of smiles tug at her lips as she takes his hand, allowing him to lead her through the notorious city.

He realizes its been decades since he's been in Theed as he walks through the busy streets. He used to frequent Naboo quite often, accompanying his moth- no,  _Leia_ to Padme's tomb. Leia never claimed the Skywalker side of her family except for her brother, but she did claim the Amidalas, taking much of her birth mother's teachings into how she lived her life. The planet was so colorful, so full of life, and Leia chose to live her life the same way.

Uneasiness begins to seep into the cracks of his thought process. Concerned, he looks to the source, the discontent written all over Rey's freckled face as she looks up at him. The people were beginning to realize who he was and were staring at her, trying to figure out who  _she_ was. They stepped closer to her, examining her, wondering where she came from and why she was holding his hand. It was overwhelming her. 

Her thoughts were easy to read.  _Get her out of the crowd._

Kylo keeps his head low, guiding her through the people, aiming to remain generally undetected. Her anxiety sinks into his shoulders and palms, and he bites the inside of his cheek, fighting against her feelings. The bond between them continued to grow, her feelings quickly becoming his no matter how much he begged against it. 

Abruptly, he tugs on her hand, pulling her down an alley between two elaborate buildings. The thick stone drowns out a majority of the noise, and he pushes Rey further down the alley as he turns to look over his shoulder, making sure they aren't being followed by anyone other than the First Order. 

The words are in his head before she even says them. "Thank you," she breathes, removing her hood. She runs her fingers over her forehead, pushing away stray hair, tucking the strands behind her ears. "I never exactly dealt with crowds that intense before." 

He watches her carefully, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn't even trying and he could hear her thoughts.  _I'm weak. Why am I reacting this way? Is this normal? Is it the Force? Ben didn't react the same as I. What if I need to protect myself? I don't have a weapon. I-_

"You'll learn to get used to it." Her eyes snap to his, and he realizes his error. "The crowds, I mean. When you're officially declared Empress, people will want to be near you. Out of admiration or thirst for power, people will watch you." 

Her gaze falls from his, her head nodding slightly. "I want to protect myself," she tells him, her voice full of conviction, her eyes full of resolve. She glances back at him. "I want you to train me." 

* * *

When he told her he'd train her in the palace, Rey thought he was joking. But, looking up at the crystals covering the tall ceilings and the large windows overlooking the lake as she followed him inside, she realizes he was serious.

"The Queen owes me a favor," he tells her, answering her thought as to why they were allowed there. He removes his cape, throwing it over the table by the entryway. She watches with wide eyes as he unclips Luke's lightsaber from his belt, handing it to her. Hesitantly, she reaches out, but her eyes are questioning. 

"You might as well use this for the time being," he tells her, trying his best to ignore the way her warm skin brushes his fingers as she takes the weapon from his hand. "When you're ready, you can construct your own to your liking and ability." 

"Oh, yeah?" With a breathless smile, she ignites it, spinning it in her fingers. It felt good to hold it again. The lightsaber always amazed her, making her feel like she was living the childhood she never got with some shiny new toy. Teasingly, she glances back at him. "Maybe I could get a red one. We could match." 

For the first time since she saw him, she swears she sees a smile begin to play on his lips. But it's gone quicker than it appeared, and in its place is his usual hard exterior. "If you wish." 

Rey has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her smile off her face. She turns away from him, twirling Luke's saber between her fingers, the vibrations from the weapon in her hand bringing her comfort. With a sigh, she turns it off.

"What all did Skywalker teach you?"

"Three lessons," she tells him, turning to face him. "Most likely the three he taught you." 

He doesn't need to answer her; the look in his eye confirms her theory. "Here's a fourth: there are no sides of the Force. Just the Force." 

She raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"There are no sides of the Force," he repeats, stepping towards her. "Only politics. The Force doesn't choose whether it's good or evil."

Rey is still suspicious. "That can't be. The Sith-"

"The Sith lived by a man-made code. They allowed in emotions that Jedis, in turn, shut out."

"So, what?" She asks him, eyeing him. "You're the big and bad evil? You use anger, right?" 

His lips set in a thin line. "Depends on how you're looking at it. From where I'm standing, the Resistance is the evil plaguing the Galaxy."

Rey scoffs. "You can't be serious. The First Order is a dictatorship! You rule by fear."

"And the Resistance is treasonous. They defy their government and commit war crimes," he informs her, his voice surprisingly calm. "It just so happens that the punishment for treason is almost always death. That's just the way things are."

Her eyebrows draw together in anguished confusion. "And you don't see anything wrong with that? It doesn't have to be this way, Ben." Her voice drops to a whisper. "We can change that together."

Kylo watches her advance on him, crossing his arms over his chest defensively but still standing his ground. "It's not that easy. The First Order isn't just me. I'm not the only one who makes these decisions." 

"Then  _make_ it to where you make those decisions."

He raises an eyebrow. "Sounds like a Dictatorship."

Rey rolls her eyes at her words being thrown at her. She reaches up a hand to rub her arm, looking away from him and out the windows. She could hear birds singing. "You really think the First Order would arrest their own Supreme Leader?" 

It's the first time she said it aloud to him, and he  _liked_ it. The power-hungry monster within him celebrated at her finally accepting who he is, while the man inside him cowered. "General Hux would."

He rendered her speechless, realizing that he's right. She didn't know the man well, but he seemed like the type to undercut his superiors in order to get ahead. She sensed betrayal from him. "There has to be someone that feels empathy for you," she finally says. "When I came to you on the  _Supremacy_ I could tell you never wanted to bring me to Snoke as a prisoner." 

"But I did," he countered.

"But you didn't  _want_ to. I felt it. If you were the only one there, we would have figured something out." 

" _But I did,_ " he reiterated, growing frustrated with the direction the conversation is heading. He reaches up a rash hand to push his hair out of his eyes. "We don't just break rules in the First Order, we  _follow them_. We don't make careless and reckless decisions like shipping ourselves across the galaxy on a silly vision." 

Rey recoils as if he slapped her. Her cheeks sting and her skin is prickling and anger blooms in her chest. "You said you saw it too." 

"I did," he says, an edge to his voice. "But I wasn't risking my life to go find you." 

Another rush of anger lashes out within her and tears form in her eyes. In hindsight, it was silly. Rey naively thought they were on the same page in this whole makeshift relationship, but now she knows they aren't. She wasn't expecting him to get on his knees and profess his love for her but she was expecting  _something_. She thought she got it when she went to him and they fought the guards and held hands and hugged each other and kissed and made love. She guesses not. 

Rey clenches her jaw, swallowing. "I'm sorry I cared," she says simply. She can feel his gaze on her face but she doesn't dare look at him. Instead, she ignites her lightsaber, tightening her grip on it. "Can we get back to training now?" 

She hears jagged static and the tiled floor is reflecting the color red. Rey finally looks at him, and she can see her own anger reflecting in his eyes. He feels it too. 

"You aren't focused. You can't train like this, Rey."

"I beat you before."

Anger flashes across his face, if only for a second. Lunging, he made a move at her. She attempted to duck but he was too fast; his lightsaber barely singed the hairs on her arm. She looks at him, frowning. He did that on purpose.

"I was shot and bleeding when you bested me," he tells her, beginning to circle her like a cat would its prey. "And just like I was then, you're channeling the wrong emotions. You need to control it if you want to get better." 

Her eyes follow his path. "I've seen you fight angry."

"And I have lost when I do," he reminds her. "You can use passion but you need to learn to _control_ it."

"Is that the Sith way you're teaching me?" 

He stops in his tracks, bewildered at her words. "You think I'm training you as a Sith?" 

Rey eyes him, shrugging her shoulders. "I figured you wouldn't train me as a Jedi. I was preparing for the worst." 

After a beat he lowers his lightsaber, turning it off. "I'm not training you to be a  _Sith,_ " he practically spits the word. "The Sith have been a dead generation for quite a while now. I'm giving you the tools to learn what needs to be learned and make a decision for yourself on what path you want to follow." 

Rey's eyebrows draw together.  _Oh._ No one has ever given her a choice before. "That's actually... very thoughtful." 

"Yeah, well," he begins, letting out a huff, reigniting his saber, waiting for her to do the same before going on the offense once more. "I'm sorry I cared." 

* * *

They stay in Naboo for quite some time, attending royal meetings with the Queen and her royal hands during the day, training and meditating at night. She found time to herself, so she ventured down to the shore along the lake, laying out on the sand, closing her eyes. The sun was setting, painting the sky a gorgeous magenta. It was warm, and it reminded her of home.

 _Home_. Jakku seems so far away now like it was years ago. Her life now resembled nothing like how it was just a few weeks ago. She was poor and starving, and now she has the whole First Order at her beck and call. It was strange. 

Something moves in front of her, blocking the sunset. She squints, looking up at the man looming over her. "You're blocking my sun." 

Kylo looks down at her, crossing his arms over his chest. "You weren't there for our meeting with the senators. You're lucky all I'm doing is blocking the sun." 

"You're more than capable of carrying on without me, Supreme Leader," she says innocently, closing her eyes once more. She feels his eyes burning into her body. "After all, I'm just an apprentice." 

He stands in silence for quite some time, watching her. Eventually, she hears him sit down next to her, his heavy boots crunching against the sand. His legs are bent in front of him, his hands resting on his knees. "You are not just my apprentice. You know that." 

"I do," she notes, keeping her eyes closed, allowing herself these last few moments of relaxation. "But no one else does." 

He's silent again, and finally, Rey opens her eyes, propping herself up on her elbows as she looks at him. Orange and purple are reflecting onto his face as he stares out at the sunset. Rey studies his face, allowing the emotions into her heart. He brings her anger, but he also brings her excitement. She feels safe by his side, regardless of where they are or who they're with. Her eyes follow the shape of his face, from his sunken eyes to his nose, to his full lips and chin. Apart from a few scars and freckles here and there, his marbled skin was flawless. He was beautiful. 

"We used to come here when I was little," he suddenly says, clenching his jaw. "We would stay in the lakehouse and come down to the sand to watch the sunset just like we are now." He pauses, looking down at his fidgeting hands. "It feels so long ago." 

Wordlessly, Rey sits up, cautiously as if to not scare him off. She forced herself to stay calm but her insides were jumping for joy. Was this Ben Solo? "Do you miss it?"

He squints his eyes into the sun, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "I don't even think I have a connection to it. That doesn't even feel like me anymore. I feel like I didn't live that life." 

Hesitantly, she reaches a hand out, resting it on his forearm, rubbing her thumb over the material of his cloak. "But you did, Ben," she reminds him softly. "You lived that life with parents that loved you very much." 

Rey watches his face change, from confusion, to pain, to anger, to something she's never seen before: regret. But it's gone as quickly as it appeared, and once again his stony expression blanketed his features once more. "I don't want to talk about that," he says suddenly. With a deep intake of breath, he continues. "I'm sorry. About the other day. About what I said to you."

She just nods. "If that's how you feel, that's how you feel."

He shakes his head, his eyebrows drawing together as he watches the sun begin to disappear. "Rey, that's not how I feel. I feel..." He trails off, looking down at his hands once more. "I don't know what I feel. But I know it's not that. I would have come to you if you weren't already coming to me. I would have found you." 

Rey has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling at his confession. "We can figure out what we're feeling together." 

They sit in silence, and for awhile she just watches him. Watches the way his chest rises and falls with every slow breath. The way the wind blows the long hair out of his eyes and exposes his forehead. The way he licks his lips. The way he looks at her like he's gasping for air and she's his dying breath. Slowly, he reaches a gloved hand up to her cheek, gingerly tucking her hair behind her ear. The knuckle of his pointer finger stays on her skin, tracing its way from her jaw to her chin. He tilts her face up and she leans in, allowing him to kiss her. It's short but sensual, and the electricity between them was stronger than it ever was before. 

"I feel _that_ ," he clarifies for her, and she understands. The fluttering in their stomachs. The giddiness in their chests. The red string of fate, sewing them together, pulling on their hearts. She feels it too, because they're one person. One soul.

She nods. Cautiously, she reaches for his hand, her fingers going to the edge of his glove. Glancing up, her eyes watch him, gauging for his permission. With a simple nod of his head, she slips it off his hand, setting it on the sand as if it were a delicate dress made of the finest silk. Just like in the cave, she holds her hand out, making him be the one to go to her. And he does, slowly but surely. His fingertips touch hers, and just like always, the electric current running through them jolts them both. Her skin feels like fire to his touch but he withstands it, closing his hand around her fingers when they slip into his palm.

Rey watches their hands with fascination, shivering at his addictive touch. She feels as if she's in over her head and overwhelmed, and she can't catch her breath around him. "Do you think this will ever go away?" 

His eyes are trained on her face. "I hope so," he breathes, but when she looks at him, she knows his words were only his front and no, he really doesn't. She quickly realizes that he needs her as much as she needs him. This bond isn't something that would just disappear. This link tied them together in an unbreakable knot, and it excited her. They needed to explore more. 

Rey readjusts herself, scooting closer to him, bringing her knees to her chest. She allows him to wrap an arm around her, leaning against his shoulder. She breathes him in. She found peace.

* * *

It's well past nightfall when they find their way back to their room in the palace. It's been all but empty their whole stay at Theed, but Rey could see the circles under his eyes and the slump in his shoulders. 

"You need sleep," she tells him, following him into the dark room, watching him hang his cloak on the hook.

"We both need sleep," he corrects her, removing his gloves, dropping them on the table. He sits on the corner of their bed, running his hands through his hair before looking up at her expectantly, his eyes beckoning her to him. 

Kylo watches her as she drops her cape at her feet, removing her tunic and shimmying out of her pants. She slides easily onto his lap and into his open arms, and it feels like coming home. His arms encompass her waist immediately, dragging one hand across her back; the other anchoring to her hip. Rey sighs, closing her eyes, allowing him to pull her closer to him. She was most comfortable in the nude, he quickly noticed, and he wasn't about to question it. 

He slides a hand up to her thin bicep, gripping her possessively as he leans down to kiss her shoulder. Blissfully, she allows her head to fall back, an airy smile gracing her lips. Never did she think Kylo Ren himself would ever make her smile, but the pleasure churning in her gut and the peace his lips on her skin brings her proves otherwise. Rey spreads her legs, pushing her knees on either side of his waist further away from each other, settling comfortably onto his lap. 

He allows her to help him remove his thick tunic, her hands gripping the warm fabric, pushing it from his shoulders. Instantly, she pulls him in for an embrace, pressing her chest against his, resting her head on his shoulder. A sigh breaks through his lips, splaying his hands over her spine. 

 _This is all she needs,_ she thinks, turning her head to rest her cheek on his warm shoulder. Him and his embrace. At the end of the day, it didn't really matter what side they were on as long as his strong arms held her tight. She can feel his heartbeat through his chest, and her hands press into his shoulders, pulling him closer. His eyes close and his breathing evens out, his warring mind finally at peace. Her nose brushes his neck and goosebumps raise on his pale skin. Her breath fans his chest and he shivers. 

A shudder runs through her when his fingers twitch to her thigh and he was awestruck. She'd always been so sensitive to him, it blew him away. He moves her so she's under him, running his hand from her hip to her knee, anchoring her to him. Rey's fingers go to his cheek, pulling his face back to hers, kissing him. His lips are soft and eager against hers, and she sighs when his tongue darts out and runs across her lips.

The muscles in her back scream in protest as she arches her chest into his, allowing his arm to slither under her form, wrapping tightly around her waist. Their training was intense and exhausting, and each time they sparred it left her sorer than before. But her new knowledge brought her strength and resolve, and sore muscles were simply collateral damage. When his fingers dig into her side she actually lets out a moan, her body relaxing in his grip.

When he makes love with her this time, he's gentler. The edge that was there before was completely gone, and now compassion replaced it. His fingers found their way between hers, pressing her hand into the mattress below them as he kissed her. This was Ben Solo. She knew it. Sex was still new to them, but if their first time was any way of setting a precedent, this only proved that he's already changing. 

He holds her gently, even more so than before. His kisses linger and his thrusts aren't as rough. Instead, it's intimate, and Kylo Ren feels like nothing more than a distant memory. Right now, they aren't Emperor and Empress of a dictatorship. There's no Resistance and First Order; no Jedi and Sith, just like he said. They're only Rey and Ben, people who had their childhoods stripped from them too soon, finding needed comfort in the other. She needs him like air; he's her lifeline. Without him, there's no her. And when the moonlight reflects off her freckled shoulders and warm lips, he knows he's just as dependent.

When they finish there's no empty feeling in her chest like there was the first time when he pulls away. Instead, she's warm and buzzing, and there's actual color on his cheeks. He's shaking when he lifts himself off of her and deposits himself on his stomach next to her on the bed, an arm lazily reaching out to wind its way around her waist. There was some sort of desperation behind his actions, like she might just disappear from between his fingers, but she welcomes his touch. 

He falls asleep quickly and she watches him, tracing the muscles in his back soothingly, noticing that the lines in his forehead from worry and anger have since ceased. Maybe this was the beginning of the end for Kylo Ren. Maybe she hit a nerve, and she finally got through to Ben Solo.

Her heart swells at the idea. She reaches a hand up to brush his hair from his face and he shifts, the arm strung around her stomach pulling her closer, and she watches him adjusts his head on his pillow in his sleep. The corners of her mouth twitch upward at his unconscious actions. The twisting in her gut is unfamiliar but she knows what it is. She felt it blooming when she saw him, that day in the rain when the Force linked them. Or maybe even before that, on the  _Finalizer_ when he took off his helmet and revealed himself to her. It grew ever since and now, it encompassed her and overwhelmed her. There is no her, there is only them. She breathes when he does; her heart beats in time with his. When he is away, her body aches for him. He invades her thoughts and her memories. His touch brings her more joy than she has ever known, and there's nothing that makes her feel more whole than she does know, laying beside him, sensing his mind is at peace. It dawns on her.

She was undoubtedly, wholeheartedly, absolutely in love with the monster asleep beside her.

And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys... I don't know how I feel about this chapter. It's my longest thus far and definitely the most in-depth (I think), but I kept tweaking it and tweaking it and I figured that if I just post it now I'll be more comfortable with it. So I genuinely hope you do like this chapter because I'm feeling very uneasy about it!
> 
> ALSO Padmé is somewhat force sensitive and no one can tell me otherwise thanks!!!
> 
> Also x 2, I tend to use Kylo and Ben interchangeably. Kylo when it's mostly the narrative speaking, Ben when the thoughts belong to Rey.
> 
> Anyway thank you for the support of this story, it means so much!


	5. Empress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EMPRESS REY READY TO CLAIM HER TITLE
> 
> Songs of the chapter: "War of Hearts" by Ruelle, "Let You Down" by NF, "Castle" by Halsey, "Cut" by Plumb.
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry for going a few weeks without updating this story! Between school and vacation, I didn't have time to update, but I'm home now and my schoolwork is under control so I'm hoping to update more regularly again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Rey actually in love with him? Will Kylo finally acknowledge that he's Ben Solo? Will things stay all sunshine and rainbows? Find out this week on You Are Allowed to Have Him. You Are Not Allowed to Save Him.!!!!

Like their first night spent together, Rey isn't surprised when Ben isn't there when she wakes up. But the bed beside her is still warm, and her heart flips inside her chest. At least he stayed the night with her.

Slowly, she reaches up, touching her fingers to her lips, still swollen from his kisses. Instantly she's brought back to last night, memories of his touch and lips and body against hers flooding her mind. Her cheeks flush and she can't fight the sheepish smile spreading across her face. 

Sitting up, pulling her knees to her chest under the covers, she realizes the man with her last night wasn't Kylo Ren; wasn't the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Instead, who she suspected was Ben Solo. The  _real_ Ben Solo, not some legend only Leia told her about. Nothing but a man being vulnerable with her. It was his first mention of a past he claimed to have killed, but last night just proved the opposite. There was still that tether holding him to his past life before turning to the dark side, and the confirmation gave Rey enough confidence to make it through her mission. She could get him to turn. She's sure of it. 

Her eyes flit to the doorway, sensing his presence a second before he stepped into the room. He isn't smiling but the mood in the room is light; he was happy. Or, at least, as happy as he gets. 

"You're getting better," he tells her, taking off his gloves and dropping them on the table near the door. It was becoming a tradition, almost like he forbade himself to be allowed in her presence with the fabric on his hands. Like he didn't want to touch her unless it was  _him_ touching her. "Your abilities."

Rey can't hide the shy smile on her face. "Thanks to you." 

He doesn't say anything; instead, his eyes stay on hers, the special sort of calmness flowing between them through their bond. She's so accustomed to it she welcomes it, mentally pulling him to her. But he feels the pull and it's so excruciatingly overwhelming he  _actually_ goes to her, brushing the thin hair from her face before leaning down to kiss her.

It's warm and it comforts her and her smile is still intact when he pulls away from her. His hand stays on her face, his thumb brushing her cheekbone. Her captivating breath fans his face and it takes everything in him to find the willpower to withdraw himself from her, much to her dismay. He feels her frown on his back as he turns around, going to retrieve his gloves from the table. "You need to dress. We have business to attend to." 

"Empress and Supreme Leader business?" She baits him but follows his direction nevertheless. She reaches to the floor, retrieving her clothing from where she discarded it last night.

"Sort of," he tells her. "We, uh-," he stalls, and she feels his eyes linger on her back as she pulls the cropped shirt over her head. When she turns to look at him he coughs, averting his gaze. "We need to meet with General Hux. I think it's time we let him know about your position."

Rey fastens her cape around her neck with a bow. "We're leaving Naboo?"

He nods. "We have a shuttle waiting for us to take us back to the  _Finalizer._ "

She can't put her finger on why, but her heart begins to sink. Maybe it was because of the seclusiveness of the planet, letting them be themselves behind closed doors and under romantic sunsets, clouding their respective judgment and allowing them to  _feel._ Or maybe it was because she was dreading their return to the First Order and, in turn, the return of Kylo Ren. But Rey did know she didn't want one thing to slip from their fingertips, and she wasn't going to let him escape it.

"Don't you want to visit your grandmother before we go?"

The atmosphere in the room instantly turns ominous. The air is so cold if she reached her hand out from under her cape her fingers would surely freeze. But she stands her ground despite his exhaustive efforts to scare her off, looking up into his eyes. She raises an eyebrow at him.

After staring the other down for God knows how long he's the first to give, letting out a groan, stepping down from her as he digs his gloved palms into his eyes. "Why does it matter so much to you?" His voice is almost pained.

"Because," she steps closer, trying her best to appeal to his empathy. "She's your family. I want you to get the chance to get to know her." 

He won't answer her but allows his mind to remain open to her curiosity. He's conflicted, the urge to explore his lineage fighting with the need to turn away from his past life altogether. With a deep breath, she pushes herself forward through their bond, attempting to bring him mental peace, trying to sway his stance. 

Immediately, he pushes back at her, effectively shutting her out. And it puzzles her because she was always so open with him, and by the way things went last night, she was sure his mind would be more unsheltered. 

"Please," she murmurs, reaching out, grabbing his thick cloak between feeble fingers. He looks down at her, that same emotion she can never quite understand presenting itself once more. "If not for Kylo Ren," she continues, pulling him closer. "Do it for the boy on the beach at the lake." 

He allows her to draw him in easily, a hand coming up to rest on her hip beneath her cape. His rough thumb brushes the soft, exposed skin on her abdomen, trying to ignore her words gnawing at his heartstrings. "If I do this," he begins slowly, his voice low and full of the control he's forcing himself to have. "This is it. Nothing more about the past. It's dead." 

Rey nods. "Let it die," she breathes, reiterating his words. Except she didn't mean them. Of course, she didn't mean them.

Resolve settles on the sharp features of his face. He huffs out a sharp breath before withdrawing his hands from her body, pressing a thumb into his palm to relieve some nerves. The man inside him wants to appease Rey and make her happy. Make her proud of him, even. But that's exactly what terrifies him. For so long, he's been so emotionally closed off and disassociated he couldn't even recognize what the warmth spreading through his hollow chest  _was_. But one look at Rey's flawless face and soft smile reminds him exactly what that passion was. 

He clenches his jaw at his revelation, however vague it may be. "I'll return soon." 

Rey watches his tall frame and wide shoulders retreat from her and leave the room, her heart not knowing whether to burst or break. They've become so intertwined, so interlaced that it physically hurts her to watch him leave her side. She wants nothing more than to run after him and grab his hand and stay by his side while he faces his demons, but she felt the conflict and distance from her within him. She understands he has to do this alone. 

A shrill ring pulls her from her thoughts, and she realizes it's coming from some sort of device Ben must've left on the table near the door. Cautiously, she makes her way toward it, picking it up with a hesitant hand. Rey clearly hits the right button because the room is filled with a blue light from the hologram of General Hux entering her view. She purses her lips, unable to ignore the shudder running down her back. 

"I-" he begins, quickly realizing she's not the one he wants to see. "Is there any reason why the Supreme Leader is not answering?"

"He's busy," she says simply, keeping her voice calm and easy. General Hux doesn't like that, however, because he huffs in annoyance. 

"Can you fetch him?" He asks, his patience already tested. "I have information for him." 

"Tell me. I'll make sure to relay the message."

Her cheeks burn as the general begins to laugh, his snickers filling the room. "I apologize, Rey, but apprentices simply do not have the clearance for such important matters. I'll make sure to ring later when the Supreme Leader is present." 

"I'm actually-" he cut her off and disconnected before she could tell him that she was, in fact, his superior. With a huff, she places the device back on the table, beginning to pace. 

It felt weird, having Ben so far away from her. It's been so long since they've actually been apart, she forgot what it was like to feel alone. Her soul felt stretched across Naboo searching for him. But she felt blocked in their shared link, and she figures it's for the best. He probably wanted to be alone, and she needed to give him that. 

She passes the time quite easily, busying herself with her training and letters the Naboo diplomats brought her. Rey scrunches her eyebrows together as she looks down at the parchment.  _The resistance is on Crait._ And her heart begins to sink because she  _knows_ their on Crait; she can feel it within her. It was their last line of defense, and if Ben and the rest of the First Order got to them, they'd surely be destroyed. And if the Resistance was destroyed, there would be no turning back. Ben would be lost forever. 

With haste, she shoves the piece of paper in the pocket of her cape, intending to hide it from him. It was still too soon to try and turn him back to the light; she needed more time. Rey knew it wasn't possible to keep this a secret from him forever, but if she can buy the Resistance any extra time, it'll all be worth it. 

At sunset, Rey makes her way down the grassy hill behind the palace, following the greenery to the sand below it, allowing the warm water to lap at her toes. She closes her eyes and tilts her head back, soaking up the last bit of sun as best she could before it's replaced by moonlight, messy strands of hair flowing freely around her face.  _Peace._ She felt peace. 

The wind picks up and she spreads her arms slightly, allowing the breeze to envelop her, holding her in the tightest of hugs. She took a deep breath and wet her lips, faintly tasting sea salt.  _This,_ she thought, was the Force. Not a means to read minds, or bend thoughts, or to use as a torture tactic; no, it was only freedom. And free will. She opens her eyes, squinting in the last drop of sunlight as she looks out onto the water in front of her, trying her best to clear her mind. 

Maybe Ben was right. Maybe good and bad were subjective, not law. Because the longer she spends time with the First Order, with him... the line begins to blur. They're all just people, fighting for what they think is right. And was that truly that bad? Fighting for what you believe in? Rey furrows her brow. Contrary to what she believed before, the Force isn't good or bad. Freedom. Free will. People are allowed to make their decisions; the Force is only a medium. 

She feels a presence and knows who it is before she even begins to turn her head. But she does, and up at the top of the grassy hill is Ben. She watches him, his black cape blowing in the wind and the palace painting a backdrop, making him look like a prince. He's too far for her to see his expression but his stance is wide and his arms are crossed over his chest; he's defensive. 

She goes to him before she even comprehends what she's doing, the sand and grass sticking to her wet feet as she trudges uphill. Her heart is beating in her ears, the strings of fate between them pulling on her sharply, pushing her to him. The Force may be objective but their bond was not, pulling them together whenever possible, making the mere thought of being apart practically unbearable.

Rey wants to ask him how possibly meeting his Grandmother went but the need to touch him far outweighs her curiosity, so when she's in touching distance she reaches for him instantly, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. 

He's rigid. Ben's arms are no longer crossed but they are also not around Rey, yet she only buries her face into his chest, breathing him in. She missed him, she concluded.

Eventually, strong arms work their way around her back, under her cape, the leather of his gloves dragging a line on the sliver of skin exposed by her top. She shivers and he tightens his hold on her as if to warm her from the crisp air. His own cape envelops them both, and to an onlooker, they probably would look like they're in love. And they might be.  

"Are you alright?" He asks in a murmur against the skin of her ear, his voice as soft as she's ever heard it, as if he doesn't want to wake the setting sun. Dreamy, almost. "You're trembling." 

Rey realizes her shivers never ceased, swaying in his arms as her mind tries to cover the secret of the Resistance she learned today. Her body was giving her away.

She says nothing, and so he unwinds his arms from around her, reaching up to reluctantly remove her hands from his back. His touch slides up her arms, a thumb absentmindedly drawing a slow circle on her cloaked shoulder. "Rey," he warns. 

The need to tell him is unbearable. The bond between them made it almost impossible to hide the truth from him. But she clenches her teeth and fights against it, looking back out onto the water. It was dark now, and the moon was reflecting in the waves, helping her calm her mind. She sighs, willing her breathing to even out. "It's beautiful," she murmurs, changing the subject. "If it were possible I'd ask to stay here forever." 

Goosebumps rise on her skin and a blush burns her cheeks when she feels his gloved hand reach up, pushing stray hair from her face delicately. She feels the storm within him, matching hers, waging war on himself. "I wish it were so." 

Rey turns back to him and his expression is foreign; something she never saw before. It was a new kind of gentleness, like if he made one wrong move he'd scare her off. But beneath the gentleness was something primal, almost parallel to lust. 

However, instead of heading down the path of gentleness or lust, she decides to crack a teasing smirk, hoping to lessen the heaviness weighing on them. "You wish to stay here with me forever?" 

And for the first time since they met, he begins to smile at her, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip to try and hide his amusement. "Perhaps," he teases right back, allowing her to grab onto his cloak and pull him closer. "I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." 

She allows her smirk to grow into a grin, a sort of giggle escaping her. He lets out a laugh as well, and it's deep and harmonious and she wants  _more_ of it. She can't fight her smile as she watches his eyes close, his grin only widening. She winds her arms around his waist beneath his cape, bringing him into another hug. This time, he's quick to hug her back, brushing his lips across her forehead. Her eyes close, burying her nose into the warm fabric of his tunic. She loves him. She loves him, she loves him, she loves him. 

"Naboo is magical," she breathes against his chest. "Would it be that bad to  _actually_ stay? Forget all about the First Order and the war." 

He tenses, the laughter ending abruptly. "We have duties," he tells her, and the regal tone of his voice lets her know that he is no longer smiling either. "We can't just desert the First Order. That's treasonous." 

Rey pulls away from him enough to look at his face. "Would the people of the First Order really turn on their Supreme Leader? Even with the Force on your side?"

He looks down at her, his lips in a tight line. "Two Force users are only so powerful against millions of soldiers." 

"There has to be  _someone_ who would be on our side." Her eyes are begging. "They'll follow us when they see you leading them. We can forge peace with the Resistance."

He's shaking his head before she can even finish. "Your... _friend's_ rebellion was the first in  _years._ No one even so much as thinks of defecting against the First Order." He pauses. " _I_ can't even fathom it." 

Rey shakes her head. No. That's not good enough. She takes his head in her hands, her thumb tapping his cheek, making him look at her. "People _follow_ you, Ben. Officers, your Knights... they listen to you. They look up to you. They-"

Roughly, he reaches up, grabbing her wrists in his hands, removing them from his skin. She winces at his gruff action. "They listen to me because they  _fear_ me. I am nothing more than a scare tactic used by Snoke and now by General Hux."  

"So  _change_ that!" Rey pleads. "Be the change you want to be. I  _know_ you're torn and I  _know_ your heart is still good, you just have to let that good in."

He backs away from her, her words making his airways constrict. He's feeling overwhelmed. "No, Rey. I-"

She grips the edge of his cape with fervor, anchoring herself to him. He's not walking away from this. " _Yes._ I can feel the turmoil in you! Something has changed within you and I  _feel_ it just like I know you can." She puts her hand on his chest, desperate to get through to him. "You know I'm right, Ben. You can turn back to the light with my help! We can go to the Resistance now and explain this is all-"

His eyes cut to hers, ignoring everything she said but one word. "You know where the Resistance is?"

The sinking feeling within her is so strong she feels nauseous.  _Shit._ She swallows and tightens her grip on his cape, reluctantly looking up at him. He already knew the truth. She couldn't lie her way out of this. "Yes." 

"And it just slipped your mind?"

"I was going to tell you," she began her damage control once he started to turn away from her. She reaches out to grab his arm but he maneuvers from her grip, beginning to march to the palace, leaving Rey no choice but to follow after him. "Ben, stop!"

"How long have you known?" He shouts over his shoulder, his quick pace making it hard for Rey to keep up.

"Only a few hours, truly!" She has to run to catch up with him. "I was going to tell you-!"

"When?" He whirls on her abruptly, forcing her to dig the heels of her boots into the grass to stop her from running into him. "Tonight? Tomorrow?" He gestures an arm out to the water, where they were before. "Was all  _that_ just a silly game to you?"

"No!" Tears prick her eyes. She reaches out to grab the fabric of his tunic. "Ben, I meant all of those words. You deserve better than all of this! You are warm, and kind to me, and gave me a home when I never had one! and-" she pulls on the fabric of his shirt once he begins to turn away before taking a shaky breath. "Ben... I love you." 

She watches him with desperate eyes, the color from his already pale face beginning to drain from his cheeks. He looks positively bewildered, unsure of what to do next. He looks at her, his body frozen. He was utterly baffled. 

Rey reaches to touch his face, but once her fingertips press against his jaw he flinches away from her. He looks as if he's in pain, her touch bringing him nothing but searing agony. She tries to reach out again, but this time he completely steps away from her out of her reach. "Ben, I-"

"No," he tells her in a trembling voice, shaking his head. He points a shaky finger at her, his face wild and almost menacing. "There's no time for feeble and childish feelings you may _think_ you somehow have. You are telling me where the Resistance and we are wiping them out once and for all with or without your help." 

He pushes past her, his intimidating form making her step out of the way unintentionally. Rey doesn't realize she was holding her breath until her body forces the air from her lungs, the tears welling in her eyes finally falling. 

She's been alone her whole life. But she never felt so lonely.

* * *

The trip to Crait is made in complete silence. Rey is serving as co-pilot aboard the  _Finalizer_ and the urge to reach out and touch him is unbearable. He's less than a few feet away and she wants nothing more than to hug him, kiss him -  _something_ affectionate. But the rigidness of his movements and the stone wall on his end of their Force bond keeps her urges to herself. Her rash confession did nothing but complicate their already intricate relationship and now she was paying the consequences. But looking over at him, taking in his hard eyes and rigid jawline, she realizes her confession affected him more than he may be leading on.

On the inside, he's screaming. Her admission rocked him, flooring him. Love has been absent from his life for so long, he didn't even remember what it felt like, much less  _romantic_ love. He felt longing when she wasn't near, the tightening in his chest when she touched him, and the way his stomach dropped when she smiled. But it wasn't love. At least, he didn't think it was love. He was taught that love is weakness. Ben is being weak, and Kylo Ren had to kill him. He did it once, he can do it again.

"We're here," he murmurs, returning his hands to the control wheel as he takes the ship off autopilot. He hears Rey sigh beside him but he doesn't dare look at her. "I already alerted the First Order. Boots should be on the ground soon if not already." 

She doesn't respond but he senses her dread. These are her friends, her so-called family, and he's willing to destroy them without blinking. But he's well past negotiating, and the Resistance wasn't letting up. So what has to be done will be done once and for all. 

He doesn't wait for her outside to grab her hand and help her down like he usually does. By the time she disembarks the ship, he's already walking in time with First Order officers receiving a briefing on what's going on. She clutches her cape tighter around her neck, dipping her nose into the warm fabric. Crait was much colder than she expected, her feet leaving what looked like traces of blood in their wake. Under the icy sheet on the ground was red salt. 

"Welcome to Crait, Rey." 

Her blood runs cold as she recognizes the voice. She turns around, coming face to face with General Hux himself. "General," she acknowledges him, nodding slightly. She had so many words for him, many unkind, but she had to keep her composure, especially now. She wasn't sure where she and Ben stood anymore, and she didn't want to do anything that would force him to pick a side. Who's to say he'd pick her? 

"This is a moment I've been waiting for since the formation of the Resistance," he tells her, his eerie smile sending a shiver down her back. "The Supreme Leader wants nothing more than for the Resistance to finally be crushed."

Rey scoffs. "You clearly don't know him, General Hux." 

The creepy smile turns into a fine line, his pale eyes narrowing. She gets the feeling that if she wasn't so close to the Supreme Leader, Hux would have already ordered her assassination by now. "Do not step out of line with your statements. His obligation is to the First Order."

"I'm not questioning his allegiance," she tells him calmly. Rey has to bite the inside of her cheek to hide an exasperated smile. If he thinks simply claiming that she knew him better than the General is inappropriate, if only he knew of all the nights they spent together. "I am simply questioning your knowledge on the subject. 

The General opens his mouth before closing it. With a huff, he balls his hand into a tight fist before releasing it. "You are instructed by the Supreme Leader himself to stay aboard the  _Finalizer_ during the battle on Crait. He will meet with you once it is over."

Rey furrows her brow at his words. She's not some damsel; he can't sideline her. More importantly, she can't find a way to spare the Resistance from the  _Finalizer._ "That won't do. I'll be accompanying you and the other commanding officers in the AT-AT," she tells him, pointing to the one with the most armor, without a doubt the one the General will be in.

"Absolutely not. To not listen to the Supreme Leader is treasonous! As your superior-"

"As  _your_ superior," she interrupts, taking pleasure in the way his face contorts from disgust to surprise. "You will listen to what  _I_ say. With that said, you  _will_ allow my clearance in the AT-AT and you  _will_ allow Kylo Ren to call orders without the influence of you. If he wants this as much as you say he does, he'll be just fine." 

The confusion is clear on General Hux's face. "I'm sorry... my-my superior?" 

Rey gives him a cold smile of your own. "Meet your new Empress, General." 

There must have been nothing but truth reflecting in her eyes because instantly he drops to a knee, bowing his head deeply in respect. "I had no idea, truly," he says to her shoes. "You must forgive me, Empress." 

For as long as she could remember the dark side disgusted her. But now that the  _General_ of the First Order was bowing at her feet, she felt a newfound sense of power she never felt before. It gave her pride and she relished in it. She didn't know much about the Jedi but she did know that they were humble, and modest. Modest is the last thing she wanted to be. She was Empress, damnit, and she will be treated as such. 

"Please," she says, gesturing for him to stand. After brushing himself off he guides her to an AT-AT. They're far away enough that they're considered safe but she can still see the poor line of resistance her friends are setting up. Her heart sinks. Their outdated defenses won't last long against the First Order advancements. "Where is Kylo Ren?"

"On the ground," he tells her, guiding her to the large window at the front. "There's word that the Resistance is in the cave. All we need to do is blow the door open and walk right in. It's over." 

"He plans on slaughtering them?"

Rey watches in disgust as the General smiles. "Of course." 

Her mind is running a mile a minute. Going to the window, she peers down, immediately spotting Ben just in front of him, his lightsaber drawn, the unmistakable red putting the ice around him aglow. He can't do this. He doesn't want to. At least, she wants to think he doesn't want to. She knows his mother is in there. He already killed his father for unknown reasons; surely he can't kill his mother as well. 

A comm unit is set up in the armored vehicle, allowing the officers inside speak to their Supreme Leader. She hears his voice fill the room in affirmation once told the weapon is ready for use, her stomach sinking. He's complicit. He's allowing the First Order to do this to him. 

The numb anxiety grows into restlessness as she watches the First Order begin to charge the weapon used to open the steel door. She tries to reach out to him but once again she's shut out, only this time he can  _feel_ him shut her out. The bond is not broken but instead he's manipulating it, keeping her out of his head. She just needed to find a way through. 

Rey feels the terror and fear wrack through the Resistance once the door is blown open. The officers and commanders around her begin to cheer, and the General actually smiles. There's nothing standing between them and the Resistance and she can sense the emotions within Ben spike as he begins to step forward, the AT-ATs moving in sync following their leader. He didn't want this.  _He didn't want this._ She needed to stop it.

"Stand down!" She suddenly shouts. At once, everyone turns to her, expressions of anger and confusion on their faces.

"What?" General Hux spits at her, whirling on her. "We're finally in a position to wipe out the Resistance and you order my men to _stand down_? How  _dare_ you defy the Supreme Leader's orders."

Rey clenches her jaw at General Hux’s words. “As _Empress_ of the First Order,” she reminds him through sharp teeth, stepping forward. The people around them begin to whisper at her confession, but she's only focused on the General in front of her. “I demand the army to stand down at once or you will no longer be dealing with Kylo Ren, you will be dealing with me. And I promise you, General Hux, that what I am capable of will make him look merciful.”

Ben is hanging on to her every word from below just like the rest of the commanders in the ship, along with the General. He felt her conflict; her raw anger. He turns to face her in the AT-AT, fingers tightening so tautly around his lightsaber he’s sure the leather of his gloves will rip at the knuckles. He can’t see her but can sense her energy surrounding him, overwhelming him. He could easily ignore her like he's been doing and finally _end this_ , or he can finally give her the power he’s been terrified to give her for so long. With a thick swallow he decides to listen to his Empress, he clicks off his lightsaber, and he stands down.

He can feel the eyes on him: from the Rebel scum to the First Order officers above, watching him take orders from the legend who broke him, accepting her as their second leader. Hux is the only one still facing Rey, fear reflecting behind stone eyes.

“Of course,” Hux says, trying his best to keep his composure. Then, as an afterthought, he adds a condescending, "Empress Rey." 

She steps closer, harnessing the anger surrounding her like a weapon. Maybe Ben was right. Rule by fear. "If you ever question my authority again," she tells him. "I will release you into empty space without question." 

Rey watches him gulp with a faint pang of regret. She shouldn't  _have_ to be so frightening, but it's what works. Perhaps the Force and the higher will forgive her once the war is over for her indiscretions. 

At her direction, they let the Resistance safely escape the planet. She watches their ships leave the planet with longing. Being on Naboo with Ben for so long almost made her forget what she felt for the Resistance, but now that they were slipping through her fingertips she felt disappointment in herself. She couldn't turn Ben back to the light. She failed him, and she failed herself, and she failed the Resistance. 

She can feel Ben's seething anger before she can see him as she exits the AT-AT. He's waiting for her, but it isn't to walk with her - it's to berate her. 

Once she's close enough he grabs her arm roughly, pulling her into the shadows and away from the rest of the First Order members. "What the hell was that?" He questions, his jaw clenched. 

"You were going to kill them. One by one you were going to  _slaughter_ them! You think I would just stand by and allow that?" 

"What I do and don't do doesn't  _need_ your permission," he tells her, backing her up against the leg of the AT-AT. He reaches a hand up to press into the metal, trapping her. "I was going to do what no one else could do. The First Order would know peace." 

Rey crosses her arms as she looks up at him. "If you don't need my permission, why did you stand down?" 

He eases off of her when a group of officers walk past them, trying his best to keep his professionalism. He runs a hand through his hair, closing his eyes to collect his jumbled thoughts. "You are my equal, Rey. I would never undermine or embarrass you."

The words aren't what Rey would consider sweet but she blushes nonetheless, swallowing. In the past 24 hours, he barely spoke a word to her, and his proclamation warms her. He might not return her love, but maybe they could at least be partners. It was a bittersweet thought. 

Again, he doesn't speak to her on the way back to the  _Finalizer_. Her confession seemed to force him to put up some sort of emotional wall, and she wasn't sure if he would ever allow her to break it down again. It felt like they were back to square one. 

Nonetheless, he walks to his quarters, Rey following him cautiously. She wasn't sure if she was welcome, but he wasn't angry or annoyed, and so she took that as a good sign. Wordlessly, he slipped a glove off his hand, pressing his hand into the scanner attached to the door. With a hiss, it opens and he steps into the dark room. She hesitates in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

"Well?" He asks, his back to her as he removes his other glove, placing them both on a clean table. "Are you just going to stand there?" 

She watches him but doesn't move. "I didn't think I was welcome."

He turns to face her. His expression is unreadable like always. "Why would you think that?"

Rey shrugs. He holds her gaze until she has no choice but to step into the room, the door finally closing behind her, enclosing them in darkness. She can't see him but she can hear him, walking towards her, reaching a hand up to the bow on her cape. "You've been ignoring me," she finally answers him, releasing a deep breath when he pushes the heavy fabric from her shoulders, tossing it aside. 

He's so close she can feel his breath on her face. "I'm not anymore," he tells her simply, like that should answer all her questions. He's not touching her but  _god_ she wants him to touch her. Why isn't he touching her? 

"Oh," is all she says, her thick swallow audible in the still darkness. 

"Do you want me to continue to ignore you?"

"No." 

They stand in silence, facing each other, almost as if they were in a gridlock. Rey wanted to reach out to him, as did Ben, but neither were willing to make the first move. Their bond flowed effortlessly between them, the strings connecting them keeping the spark burning low in her stomach alive. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. "I have a question." 

He lets out a breath. "Okay." 

"Do you think you could ever love me?"

His answer doesn't come right away and Rey is left feeling vulnerable. "I'm not sure I have an answer for you," he finally tells her, his voice unsure. "And if I do, it may not be one you like." 

"Because I love you?" She questions. Again, she receives a long string of silence. She tries again. "Were you trained against the idea of love?" 

 _That_ got him talking. "Love didn't exist. I was taught passion and anger and other emotions of the sort, but never love." He pauses. "Truthfully, I don't even remember what love feels like. I couldn't answer you honestly even if I wanted to." 

Rey tried her best to hide her shock. It surprises her every time when Ben is honest with her. She is his equal. She deserves his honesty, and she was happy to be receiving it. "I could show you," she offers, her voice barely a whisper. 

He doesn't say anything, and Rey takes that as an invitation to continue. With a deep breath, she steps forward and closes the space between them, tilting her head up to kiss him. He meets her halfway, leaning down to brush his lips against hers. It felt almost like the first kiss between two teenagers. It was gentle and cautious, but a sort of purity was with it. It was intimate and almost chaste, allowing him to begin to open up without ridding himself of his armor. 

He's the first to pull away from the kiss. She looks up and sees the whites in his eyes, her own adjusting to the darkness. She can see the shape of him tower over her, warmth spreading through her chest at his proximity. Again she leans in, this time her hand going to his chest, kissing him once more. It's a bit different this time, an underlying hunger beneath her lips, her fingers digging into his tunic. 

She begins to pull away but his hand reaches up to the back of her head, holding her in place, his lips becoming desperate. And she's more than willing to continue, so she works her hand between the buttons of his shirting, using nimble fingers to undo them with ease. He sighs against her lips as her fingers travel down his soft chest before dipping her fingertips under the waist of his pants. His stomach tenses as his hand appropriately tighten their grip in her hair, tilting her head back, running his tongue over her lips. He needed more from her. 

When he nudges her towards the bed she's quick to comply, pulling her down on top of him. Their kisses are soft but their actions are not. Her hands make quick work of his clothing, settling into his lap quite comfortably. She breaks their kiss to reach for the hem of her top, pulling it over her head and discarding it on the ground by his feet. Instantly, his hands go to her waist before moving up, his fingers greedy on her bare skin. She shivers in his arms and closes her eyes, focusing on the way his touch electrifies her. 

Rey doesn't open them until a thumb reaches out to tap her lip. He's looking at her lips, his fingers ghosting over her cheek. "You are... so beautiful," he murmurs, mainly to himself as he turns his hand over, brushing the knuckle of his pointer finger against her cheekbone. "How are you so beautiful." 

She faintly smiles, reaching a hand out to his bare shoulder. "Surely our bond has blinded you."

"No," he shakes his head, his eyes meeting hers. "This is different. This is real." 

When he lays her down it's different this time. It's as heated as their first time, and as intimate as their time in Naboo. But there's a sense of honesty in the way he moves his hips against hers. There's vulnerability in his lips as they kiss her neck, her chest, her stomach. He overwhelms her senses, like always, but she's blushing and a smile ghosts across her lips when his hands seem to move exactly where she wants them. His mind is clear and his movements are sure, and when they finish he lets out a groan like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders. Maybe that's true. 

They make no effort to part with each other. Rey is breathless as she rests her head against his sweaty chest, listening to his heart clanging nosily and erratically in his strong chest. He reaches up to push the long hair from his damp forehead, letting out a loud sigh. She runs a toe up and down his calf, anchoring a hand to his hip. They lay in comfortable silence, the backs of his fingers trailing steady patterns on her upper arm, their breathing beginning to even.

Rey is almost asleep when she feels him begin to maneuver out from under her. "Where are you going?" She asks softly, reaching up to rub an eye. She watches him sit up in his bed, searching for his clothing on the floor. 

"I, uh-" he cuts himself off, straining his arm to grab his pants without actually having to get up. "I have some reports I need to write." 

"They have to be done now?"

"They're generally done after a mission or a battle. So, yes." 

"Stay," she tells him, reaching out a hand, grabbing his arm to stop him from dressing. He pauses, turning to face her. "Stay," she repeats, her voice more serious. "Please."

Rey can see the conflict in his eyes through the darkness but eventually, he returns to her, pulling the bedding over the two of them. He positions himself so his back is to her but he's close enough to feel his warmth. She settles into her pillow and turns her back to him, just like he did to her. Emotions were new territory for him, even after everything they've been through, and she didn't want to push him.

She hears his breathing slow, hoping he's asleep. She can't remember the last time he actually  _slept._ It broke her heart. He deprived himself of so much, it was hard to watch. Sleep, for example. Affection. Human contact. Family...

_Family._

"I never asked," she suddenly says softly, rolling over in the sheets, reaching out to rest a hand on a pale shoulder, careful to not disrupt him if he _was_ asleep. "How was your meeting with your Grandmother?"

He's silent for such a long time, Rey is sure he won't answer. Maybe he's asleep. But he rolls over with a groan like his joints were rusty and his muscles were sore, his hands searching for her hips. His movements are slurred and uncoordinated thanks to sleep almost overtaking him, but he finds himself able to wrap his arms around her waist, letting out a noisy breath once they're settled. "We talked about you." 

Rey lets out a soft gasp in surprise. "What about me?"

"To not fight it," he almost whispers, his breath hot on her shoulder. She reaches a hand out to push the thick hair from his face, watching him sigh in content as he slips back into sleep.

Maybe this was possible. Maybe they were the key to everything; the light, the dark, and the balance. They could be puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly, two halves of a whole. Or maybe they were star-crossed, allowed to long for and pine for and sometimes even touch each other, but never truly feel happiness. Never  _truly_ get the ending they think they may deserve. But they could damn sure try. 

And he was trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried getting this up on the 14th but, unfortunately, that obviously didn't happen. I've been pretty busy with school and other things. So Happy extremely Late Valentine's Day, everyone :)))


	6. I Will Have All of You, or I Will Not Have You At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *gestures to chapter title* relationship angst!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for 100 kudos! Truly, it means so much to me!
> 
> Chapter songs: "Pray for Me" by The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar, "Surrender" by Natalie Taylor, "Wrong" by MAX, "Hurricane" by Fleurie.
> 
> ALSO, I didn't include Luke in the battle of Crait bc I refuse to believe he's dead :) his old ass is still alive somewhere out there in this story

"From the ashes of the wretched Resistance into an honorable member of the First Order. But not just any member!" General Hux shouts into the crowd, raising his hand, making a fist at his words. "I present to you, soldiers of the First Order; your new Empress!" 

The endless crowd below them bursts into roaring cheers and deafening applause, mostly out of fear, but enthusiastic nonetheless. But Kylo Ren is frowning, clutching his fists tightly behind his back, Rey next to him. 

_"This is unnecessary. This isn't some coronation," he tells Hux, his patience waning as someone drapes a silk cape over his shoulders, red fabric on the underside of the cape. He pushes someone's hands away in a huff when they move to fix his hair._

_"_ Au contraire _, Supreme Leader," Hux informs him, overseeing workers of the First Order scurry across the stretch of land they decided to hold the event on. Plenty of room below for a crowd."Until she is formally introduced to the First Order, she is nothing. This is only protocol. You must understand."_

His memory only makes him frown more. Rey is not nothing; she was never nothing, with or without her title of Empress. That's what he got wrong, even when he asked her to rule beside him. And he doesn't appreciate everyone treating her with decency only because of her new title. 

From the corner of his eye, he watches Rey smile tightly, raising a hand in a small wave. She was uncomfortable. 

But she was also stunning. Silver was twisted into her curled hair, crystals forming the shape of a halo in her dark strands. Her outfit was slightly more formal than usual, her warm cape matching his, the red underneath revealing itself when she raised her arm. She looked more like a queen of a free world than an empress of the militaristic First Order. 

She relaxes slightly when he reaches out to her, grabbing her hand, intertwining their fingers. He holds their hands behind his back, his thumb rubbing the top of her hand soothingly, hidden from the crowd below. But his actions don't go unnoticed by Hux behind them, his gaze zeroing in on their embrace. 

After a few more words from the General and many more cheers from the people below, they can finally leave and return to the ship. Rey finds herself not being able to get away and board fast enough, allowing Alte and another female officer guide her away from Kylo. He watches her go, unaware of the General sneaking up on him. 

"When did your relationship with the Empress become intimate?" 

He doesn't miss the bolt of irritability shudder through him. With a slow roll of his shoulders, he turns, facing red hair and evil eyes. "The manner of our relationship is none of your concern, General Hux. It's a shame that I have to repeat myself to someone who is supposed to understand the simplest of orders."

Kylo doesn't miss the way Hux swallows thickly. "Forgive me for my questioning, but it seems as if your relationship is now more personal than political." 

Kylo crosses his arms. "And if it was, how is that any of your concern? This doesn't hinder Rey's ability to serve as Empress, nor does it hinder my competency as Supreme Leader. I deeply hope that's not what you're insinuating, General." 

"It  _is_ my concern," General Hux hisses, stepping forward. "It may not 'hinder your competency' while serving as Supreme Leader, but it does alter your priorities. Emotions cloud judgment. Compassion is a weakness." Hux lowers his voice, raising an eyebrow. "The First Order will not hesitate if you can't fulfill your duties."

Kylo scoffs. "I suppose that is supposed to be a threat, General?" 

He watches the Supreme Leader carefully. "More like a reminder." 

Kylo watches the General walk away from him, nothing else to say. He got the message. And now that the General knew about him and Rey, he had to be more careful.

The General speaking their relationship into existence made it that much more real, and just like that the weight weighing on his shoulders return. Because now it's not just his life on the line, it's Rey's. It makes him vulnerable and her collateral damage. He knows what General Hux is capable of; if he wants Rey dead, she's dead. And her being a Force user makes her that much more susceptible to being in harm's way. It's just a matter of if and when Hux wants to hurt her.

With a deep breath, he reaches to the comm unit on his belt, bringing it up to his mouth. "Bring me my Knights." 

* * *

 "Honestly, I should have expected it. A political allegiance is a genius idea for the First Order."

Rey gives Alte a slight smile, not bothering to correct her. As far as she knew, no one knew of her relationship with Ben. She watched Alte give her a confused look when she returned to the Supreme Leader's chambers rather than her own, but luckily she didn't question it. She hesitated following Rey inside, and she still seems on edge as she stands above Rey sitting on the corner of the bed, helping her friend remove the crystals from her hair. 

"I see the way he looks at you," Alte continues, giving Rey a kind smile when she looks up at her. "He adores you. And he clearly respects you. I'm not sure much can be said about anyone else." 

Rey shakes her head, watching Alte finish with her hair, reaching for some sort of liquid before touching her face, removing the dirt called makeup from her face. "He respects you. He's just not that great at expressing how he feels." 

"Understandable," she says as if she already knew. "He's a man. Being the Supreme Leader on top of that can't make anything much easier." 

Rey just nods slightly in agreement, pressing her lips together, her mouth set in a thin line. She already knew she was in an uphill battle; she didn't like to be reminded of it. 

The door suddenly slides open and Alte jumps at the sight of who it is. "Supreme Leader," she gasps, bowing deeply. "I didn't mean to intrude on your quarters, I simply-"

"Leave us," he says passively, cutting her off, waving a careless hand in the air. Rey watches Alte scurry out as she stands from the bed, frowning as Ben turns to her.

"It wouldn't kill you to be nice." 

He raises an eyebrow at her. "I _was_ being nice." 

She purses her lips. "You could at least have manners. A 'please' would suffice." 

He huffs, shaking his head at her words before moving in front of her. With a deep breath, he looks down at her. "I need to talk to you," he says seriously, changing the subject. "You're Empress now, you need a security detail." 

It was her turn to raise her eyebrow. "I have the Force. And I have you. I don't need anything else."

Kylo shakes his head at her naivety. There was a reason he had his Knights. A flick of his wrist couldn't stop a whole army. "Yes, you do. I'm not just the Commander of the Knights of Ren, they are my protectors. If anything happens to me, they take the fall. They put their life on the line, putting me first. They risk their lives for my safety. Their trust can't be bought, and they can't be paid off. Their loyalty is to me... and now to you." 

Rey's gaze snaps up, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion at his words. "To me?"

She watches him sink to a knee, his gaze to the ground. He was bowing to her. "From now on, their allegiance is to you. They have sworn fealty to you, as have I." He glances back up at her, his eyes gravely serious. Solemn, even. "As of now, the Knights of Ren completely belong to you."

Rey's shocked. She doesn't know what to say, and she's speechless when the door opens and the knights begin to file into the room. They stand behind him, perfect posture and completely still. She watches in awe as they remove their helmets, realizing that... they're women. Every single one of them.

One steps forward - tall and blonde, her skin almost as dark as Rey's. She tucks her helmet under her arm, bowing at the waist. "It's an honor, Empress. My name is Lilith. I was the Supreme Leader's second, and now I am the head of your security." 

She glances back down at the man on his knees in front of her, her eyes wide. As if she were in a dream, her hand reaches out, and he takes it, allowing her to help him up. But she doesn't let go of him; instead, she grabs his fingers with hers, pulling him closer. He leans down, taking her chin in his free hand gingerly, pressing warm lips to her smooth cheek. His actions don't satisfy her or shock her. They make her uneasy, casting a cautious glance over his shoulder at the Knights. There has to be an underlying reason why they're now under her control. Ben wasn't just being nice, it's not how he operates. There has to be another reason. 

Before she is able to find out he turns back to the knights, and they wordlessly leave the room without a word with only a glance from their previous commander. Rey was intrigued. 

"What was that about?" She asks once they're alone. 

"What was what about?"

Rey raises an eyebrow at him. "The last time you made a grand gesture I ended up becoming Empress. What's the catch now?"

A frustrated grimace threatens the corner of his lips. "I just want you protected. This is the best way I can make sure that you are. I don't trust anyone more than them." 

"I can protect myself, Ben." 

"No, you can't," he bites back, stepping forward, looking down at her. "You might think you are all-powerful but there is a reason we rule by fear rather than power. Before you, my knights and I were the only Force-users in the First Order and we still had constant threats thrown at us. I am simply making sure if the same happens to you, you have more protection than just what I can give you. Because if anything happens to you it's on me." 

She weighs his words carefully. She didn't feel as if she were in danger. The General was a pain in her ass, but for the most part, she felt as if the First Order welcomed her with open arms. Maybe he was just being paranoid. 

" _Nothing_ will happen to me," she assures him, her fingers going to his strong jaw, her eyes soft. "Just like nothing is going to happen to you. We're going to be fine."

He clenches his jaw. "I'm not insinuating that something  _will._ I just... I would feel more at ease if you were under their protection. Please, Rey. Just give me that." 

His eyes are genuine and actually pleading. Maybe it was okay to shelve her pride, if only for a minute. "Okay," she finally agrees, watching his shoulders relax with an exhale. "Now let's sleep. It's been a long day, we need rest." 

Rey falls asleep fairly quickly, bundled in the thick blankets, tucked between his strong arms, her cheek pressed to his chest. Her slow breaths raise goosebumps on his skin, her faint snores filling the room. But he, on the other hand, is restless, unable to find comfort. His conversation with the General still haunts him. It doesn't feel right. It's almost like there's something missing and he quite can't put his finger on it.

Silently, he works his way out from under Rey, trying his best to not wake her as he dresses. Thankfully, she's still fast asleep as he slips out, venturing out into the halls, heading toward his office. If he can't sleep, he might as well work. He passes some of his knights, nodding at them as he passes. They were guarding the area that surrounds his chambers, protecting Rey. Good.

His office is even more barren than his bedroom. He's a minimalist, the room nothing more than a chair and a desk piled high with mission reports and top-secret memos. With a deep breath, he sits down and gets started with his reports.

Eventually, some time passes, and he hears a knock on the metal door, pulling him out of his work. With a passive wave of his hand, he opens the door, a gust of cold air flooding into the room. 

"Supreme Leader." 

He turns in his chair to face one of his knights. When the door closes she removes her rounded helmet, red hair falling onto armored shoulders. It was Lilith. Her jaw is clenched and her gaze is tired, circles forming under her eyes.

"I'm busy," he tells her, turning his attention back to his reports. When he assigned them to Rey he meant it. He couldn't be bothered with them anymore. 

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important," she says, walking up behind him. "My allegiance now is to the Empress, but it has been with you much longer." 

That got his attention. She turns back to her, ignoring the reports completely. "What _about_ Rey? Is she alright?"

Lilith nods. "We have her under continuous surveillance. Cora and Suri are outside your chambers now. But no one would ever dare try to harm her, you saw the way they cheered for her at her coronation."

She's right. Everyone in the crowd loved her. She's enchanting, and charming, and has a sense of relatability. He frowns. Because he knows the more they love her, the more General Hux will hate her. And General Hux is a dangerous man. "So what's the issue?"

"It's the General," she tells him, confirming his suspicions, choosing her words carefully. "It seems to merely be only a whisper, but whispers always turn into-"

"Out with it."

Lilith swallows. She looks faint. "He doesn't think you're... fit... for the Supreme Leader position. He thinks your alliance with the Empress is more personal than political."

He glances at her. "Not that it is any of his business nor yours, but why would the reason matter?"

"Forgive me for insinuating if I have," she asserts, bowing her head slightly. "But there are others who agree. Lieutenants, sergeants, commanders... Supreme Leader, they're threatening to overthrow you." 

Kylo leans back in his chair, stretching his arm across his chest. The General being envious of his position was nothing new. He always hated him and relished in it when Snoke punishing him. Now that Kylo was the Supreme Leader, he's sure that only made his hatred grow. "He'd have to kill me then." 

She averts her gaze. "They know. They won't hesitate." She pauses. "You always taught me to pick my battles. You also taught me that one Force user can only do so much against an army."

He frowns again, uneasiness beginning to set in. If there is, in fact, a coup, he couldn't protect himself forever. Nor could he protect Rey, and she never even asked for this. General Hux is charismatic, he could get enough people on his side.

He puts his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms with a groan. Slowly, he drags his hands down his face, looking up at Lilith. "Rey cannot know. I don't want to worry her. I'll find a way to squash this... uprising... if you can even call it that." 

She nods. "But if she asks me anything of the sort I will tell her the truth. I am loyal to her first now, Supreme Leader." 

"I expect nothing less," he glances at her reluctantly, repositioning himself in his chair. "You should get back to her. I don't like the idea of her not being protected by as many people as possible, especially with this rumor going around."

He watches her reposition her helmet on her head and retreat, the door hissing shut behind her. 

Once he's alone he finds himself almost nervous. Hux has always hated him but he could never do anything about it. Snoke wouldn't let him. But Snoke is dead, and the General is still angry. There's no one protecting him anymore. And it's not just him. It's Rey, too. His actions will directly affect her, and the last thing he wanted to do was put her in any sort of danger. If he was being honest, he stopped caring about himself and the consequences his actions brought him a long time ago. But now that Rey took up a more permanent residence in his life, he needed to do more than just simply not care. He cares for her in some way, that much he knew. That should be enough.

He furrows his brow at the thought. Rey. Care.  _Permanent._ It's been mere months since she tried to sneak her way onto the  _Supremacy_ , and an even shorter amount of time since they've become intimate. But it feels like decades, almost as if she knew him before he became who he was now. She saw through his walls, cut him down into nothing more than a vulnerable man whose heart restarts at the sound of her voice. He wasn't the Supreme Leader. He wasn't even Kylo Ren. Perhaps not even Ben Solo...

No, she saw him for everything he was. The light that has always tried to seep through the cracks in his bones, and the darkness that threatened to spill from his veins. His... his  _family_ and Skywalker refused to see him as anything but a Jedi. The First Order saw him as a monster. But Rey saw him for who he really was and loved him anyway. 

He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh, leaning his head onto the back of his chair. It doesn't matter. They're all dead anyway. It's only a matter of time.

He's not sure how much time has passed when he hears the door slide open once more. He doesn't even have to open his eyes to realize who it is, the room filling with light and warmth.

"Ben?" 

He lets out his first breath in Force knows how long. Instantly, like they were made of fire, he strips his hands of his gloves, reaching out to her like his life depended on it. And maybe it did. 

His eyes don't open until she steps into his grip. Her exposed waist is firm but warm, and he looks up at her with tired eyes, the softest smile playing on her lips bringing him the most comfort he's felt in years. With another sigh he leans forward, pressing his hot forehead into her stomach. Rey's hands go to his hair, running her fingers through thick strands, and his eyes close once more, beginning to relax. 

"It's late," she says softly, her steady fingers in his hair soothing. "I started to worry when I woke up alone." Rey pauses. "It seems to be a recurring theme lately." 

"I'm sorry," he murmurs into her skin, kissing her hipbone. "I couldn't sleep. I figured I could get some reports done." 

"Have you finished?"

He leans back, keeping his hands on her waist as he looks over to his desk. It's messy and unorganized, the reports barely touched in the hours he's been here, trying his damnedest to work on them. "As finished as they'll get for the time being," he sighs. What's the point in doing his job if it's done in vain?

She draws his attention to her once more when she moves to straddle his lap, repositioning his a hand so it's anchored to her knee. Her fingers go to the sides of his neck, his heartbeat quickening beneath her touch. A thumb rubs across his jaw as she leans down, ghosting her lips over his. He jumps at the opportunity to kiss her, the hand on his waist moving to splay across her back. 

He doesn't miss the smile beginning to play on her lips as she pulls away. "Come with me. Back to bed." 

"And what will you do with me there?"

Rey opens her mouth before closing it again in shock, having to press her lips together to prevent herself from smiling. "I never pegged you as the playful type, Supreme Leader." 

He squeezes her hip gently, the title making his skin crawl when it had the opposite effect all the times before. "I have my moments. They're fleeting, but they're there." 

It's her turn to reach out a hand. And he takes it, his calloused fingers sliding over her small palm, traveling lower to intertwine their fingers. Her eyes are soft and warm as she pulls him to his feet, leading the way to his quarters. Rather, their quarters. She hasn't been back to her's since the first night on the  _Finalizer._

Rey is surprisingly pliant under his touch as he moves her, her body hot to the touch as he undresses her. 

Her eyes stay trained on his face, even in the darkness of his bedroom. He's visibly tired, but also softer. The blunt edges of his sharp cheeks and jaw seemed to disappear around the same time the coldness of his soul did. His lips weren't as chapped. There's color in his cheeks. An almost sparkle in his eye. The Light was breathing life back into him, little by little. He was beautiful. 

Her hands immediately go to his chest when he rids himself of his cloak and tunic, her dark fingers a contrast on his marbled skin. His nostrils flare as he sucks in a tight breath, a hand grazing her hip bone. Her fingers move to his collarbones, his neck, before wrapping around him, settling on the backs of his shoulders. She stands on her tip toes to get closer, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she hugs him. With a deep inhale she breathes him in, shivering in contentment when his strong arms circle around her waist. 

Hugs shouldn't be this erotic. Well, at least to normal people with normal families. But they were not normal. They were deprived of attention and human contact, one way or another. Now that they could receive both from each other, they relished in it. 

His breath tickles her ear, causing her to shy away and giggle. He's not smiling but the glint in his eye is playful, pulling her back to him, this time for a kiss. It's slow but heavy, so much so that her knees practically give out, resulting in her falling onto the bed and taking him with her. This time, he laughs. It's short and gruff but she hears it anyway. It was a laugh. 

"How will you have me?" He reminds her breathlessly. Her brown eyes are heavy as she looks up at him through the dark, a possessive hand going to her cheek, the backs of his fingers brushing her skin. She pulls him to her, bringing his lips down to hers, kissing him.

She tightens the hold around his shoulders, rolling them. Her legs tangle with his long frame but he doesn't care, reaching up to brush the hair from her face as he kisses her. 

She can't get enough of him. His touch is everywhere, both physically and mentally through the Force, but she needs more of him if that's even possible. Rey pulls him into a sitting position with a whimper, her body shifting against his in the most pleasurable ways. She's kissing him fiercer, pressing her chest against his, her fingers digging into his shoulder as the other hand goes to his hair. She's hungry, he notes, and that primal feeling in the pit of his stomach is back, his fingers flexing around her thin waist. The temperature spikes when he moves his mouth to her neck, his teeth grazing her burning skin. She throws her head back with a sharp gasp, her fingers pulling on his dark hair as she begins to roll her hips, desperate for friction.

By the time he enters her, they're so animalistic they're practically growling. She scratches him down his back and his grip on her body is so tight it's sure to bruise. Rey kisses him hard, biting his bottom lip, eliciting a deep moan from the back of his throat. He reaches a hand behind him, pressing his free hand into the bed below them, stabilizing them as their actions speed up. 

The dark room is stifling, layers of sweat sticking to their skin. Her hands are fire on his skin, burning him to the bone with every touch, every kiss. Rey's fingernails dig into his bicep, drawing blood to match the scratches on his back. His lips fall from hers when the pleasure gets too much, his mouth moving to her shoulder.

"Fuck," he mutters into her skin, breathless, dragging his hand to the middle of her back. She cries out in pleasure and throws her head back when he bites down on her shoulder. He pulls her so tight against his chest if feels like her bones are going to break. But she doesn't care. She's so far gone, so desperate for a release, he could rip her in half and she'd still find pleasure in what he's doing to her. 

She shifts her hips and he jolts under her, the hand on the bed finding its way to her hair. He groans, wrapping her loose hair around his fingers and flexes them, pulling her head back, pressing his lips sloppily to the center of her throat. The moan she lets out doesn't even sound like her, her hands anchoring herself on his shoulders, digging her nails into muscle. Her thighs are on fire and her knees ache but she's so  _close_ , her hips speed up in desperation. He matches her pace, his lips finding their way back to hers in a dirty kiss. 

The strings of fate she constantly sees are pulled so tight she can't breathe. The Force is so tightly bound to them, they couldn't move away from each other even if they wanted to. When they finish they finish together, clamping a tight hand over her mouth to keep her moans from traveling through the walls. She's trembling in his arms, exhausted. He doesn't move until she falls off him, their heavy breaths mixing as he falls back onto the bed beside her. He doesn't even move for the covers; it's too hot. 

They lay in silence, their erratic breathing the only sounds in the room. He reaches up, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead, discarding his hand behind his head. Eventually, once her breathing slows, she props herself up on an elbow as she shifts to her side, looking down at him. His eyes are closed, the lines in his face all but gone. He was at peace. 

"Do you remember when we first met?" She whispers, almost as if she's afraid she'll wake the sleeping ship. She drags a finger down the center of his chest between spent muscles before pulling it back up, repeating her actions, over and over as if it's second nature to be touching him. He breathes out a sigh, relaxed. 

"Unfortunately."

"Unfortunately?"

He opens his eyes, blinking into focus before looking up at her. He raises an eyebrow. "You wish to bring this up after  _that_ _?"_

Rey stops the finger on his chest. "It wasn't the most romantic meeting, yes, but I realized something." 

He reaches up to grab her hand, nudging her to continue what she was doing. Her finger continues, an easy smile forming on her swollen lips. "And what was that?" He asks, stretching his free arm out before resting it on his stomach.

She looks at him intently. "I couldn't shake you." 

"Please elaborate."

Rey sighs, readjusting herself, maneuvering herself down the bed, resting her head on his shoulder. An arm snakes around his waist, and the hand on his stomach moves to rest on top of her own hand, intertwining their fingers. "There was something about you... I couldn't get you out of my head. In the forest on Takodana, Starkiller Base... I thought of you every second of every day." She tilts her head, glancing up at him through her lashes. "I couldn't get you out of my head. I initially thought it was hate or unpleasantness, but in hindsight, it ran deeper than either of us thought." 

He swallows, clenching his jaw. "And we can thank Snoke for that." 

"No, he doesn't get that satisfaction because that's not true," she tells him, sitting up again, looking down at him. "You felt that connection just like I did that day on Takodana. He didn't know I even existed then. There's no way he could have planted a connection  _that_ deep and not know anything about it until you told him."

With a grunt he sits up as well, focusing on her words. A possessive hand goes to her back as she pulls her knees to her chest. "He was all-knowing, Rey. He may not have known who you exactly were, but he knew enough." 

She shakes her head at him. "That's not  _true_ , Ben. How could our connection get stronger day after day if he's dead? I may not be as familiar with the Force as you but I know his influence would break once he died. But it hasn't."

Rey was right. He can't go a second without the thought of her filling his mind. The thought of her touch, her body fill his every nerve, almost unable to think of anything else. He was obsessed, more than what would normally be possible. She was right. It had to be the Force. Hesitantly, he slides his hand up, fingers going to her hair, wrapping soft strands around his pointer finger absently. He feels her in his mind, searching for the answer on their connection, but for the first time, he allows it, opening himself up to her.

"So if this is merely the Force... is any of this real?"

He looks at her. Even in the dark, he sees the reflection in her eyes, wide and glassy. She looks so small, so scared of his answer if it was one she didn't want to hear. 

But the Force can't give him the emptiness inside when she's not near. It can't make his heart stop and then restart when she touches him. It doesn't fill his very being with fuzziness and warmth when she looks at him. It doesn't make him find joy in holding her in his arms. It doesn't force him to kiss her or make love to her or love her... or _love_ her. That's not how the Force works. Their connection can only magnify what's only there. And that terrifies him. Because he  _can't_ blame it on the Force. Not anymore.

"I, uh," he starts, his voice raspy, the three words weighing heavily on his tongue. He clenches his jaw then unclenches it, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. "It's real," he settles, reaching up to rub his chin.

Her face contorts in almost desperation. His answer isn't good enough; she wants more from him. 

She tilts her head, scooting closer. "How do you know?" 

Sirens go off in his head but he stands his ground, daring himself to look her in the eye. A warm hand goes to his back, rubbing the damaged muscles between his shoulders thanks to years of training under Snoke. He lets out a shaky breath he didn't even know he was holding in.

"Please," she whispers, drawing her brows together. He knows exactly what she's getting at and what she wants to hear. She leans in, her nose brushing against his. "Tell me," she continues, her lips ghosting over his. 

"Rey..." He lets out another shaky breath, closing his eyes with a thick swallow. He clasps his hands over hers, squeezing them tight. "Rey, I lo-"

The shrill ring of his communicator rips through the room, causing them both to jump. She releases him from her hold reluctantly, watching him work his way out of bed, searching the ground for his pants, stepping into them before reaching into the pocket, pulling out the communicator. "What?" He answers in annoyance, barking at whoever was on the other line.

She watches him pace in the darkness, free hand on his hip as he listens to what is being said on the other end. Rey reaches down to grab his cape from the ground, pulling it around her thin shoulders. It's much larger than her, swallowing her whole in its shadows. It's warm, and when she presses her nose into the thick fabric, she notes it smells exactly like him. 

"I'll be there soon," he tells the person on the other end after some back and forth, shoving his communicator back into his pants. He was angry. He doesn't at look at her as he dresses, acting like he didn't just almost profess his love to her. Maybe the interruption was a sign from the universe. 

"Where are you going?" She asks when he's buttoning his tunic. "You haven't even slept." 

"The General, of course," he answers her, an edge to his voice. "He wants me to meet him." 

She raises an eyebrow. "At this hour?" 

He lets out a sigh, running a hand over his face before moving it to his hair, pushing a few strands from his eyes. "He doesn't exactly follow protocol," he tells her, resisting the urge to lay back on the bed, pull her into his arms and fall asleep. Exhaustion is weighing on his shoulders, his eyes heavy. The sheer lack of energy is already stressing him out, and the new development with the rumor about the General attempting to overthrow him only makes his mood worse.

Rey watches him. "You're the Supreme Leader. Can't you just tell him you'll speak with him when you wake?"

He clenches his jaw to stop himself from snapping at her. She was asking too many questions and it was beginning to put him on edge. "Maybe next time I'll say that. But I have to go." 

"I can tell him. You need rest." 

"What I  _need_ is to go speak with my General. You may rest if you wish," he tells her, working to keep his tone at ease and balanced. His temper was flaring fast, and although his anger wasn't necessarily directed at her, she certainly wasn't making anything better. 

"Ben-"

"Don't call me that." 

Rey blinks. It was the first time he distanced himself from Ben Solo in front of her, and she felt almost... betrayed. "Don't call you Ben?" She asks, reaching up to push her hair behind her ears, swinging her legs over the bed, planting her feet on the cold ground as she sits up. "I've been calling you Ben for months. What's wrong now?" 

It's been hard to balance himself between the man Rey wants and the man the First Order needs. It's exhausting to be gentle and affectionate, only to turn around and harden and become cold a few moments later. The back and forth is beginning to drive him insane, and the fight within him between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo is only getting worse. He could feel it. She probably could, too. But she chooses to ignore it, which aggravates him even more. This is who he was.

"Nothing is-" But he stops himself, clearing his throat as he grabs at his hair with tight fists. Because _yes_ something is wrong, but  _no,_ he couldn't tell her. So he settles on what's the current issue now, not something that may become an issue in the future. "I'm not some kid anymore. You keep saying this... this  _name,_ and it feels just as foreign as an unknown language. I don't get it, I don't understand it."

She blinks. "So, what? Do you want me to call you Kylo Ren now?" 

"What?" he asks, his face contorted in exasperated confusion, glancing her way in a fleeting moment as he begins to pace, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "No. No, of course not."

"Supreme Leader?"

"Absolutely not." 

"Then, what?" She asks him, growing impatient. "What shall I call you?" 

"Don't you get it, Rey?" He demands of her, kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in his with a blistering squeeze. His touch may simply be physical but she feels it within her bones, seeping through her muscles, gripping her very soul. "Every time you say that fucking nameI want nothing more than to  _be_ him. And I can't be him for you. I've tried and I  _can't._ " 

"Why not?" She asks. No, she demands. "I've seen Ben Solo. I laughed with him, and I hugged him, and I kissed him." She reaches a hand to his cheek, gently forcing him to look at her. " _You_ are Ben Solo. You are  _still_ Ben Solo. Because if you weren't, I never would have fallen in love." 

His eyes are absolutely tortured. "But I can't  _be_ him," he tells her, his voice lowering. He reaches up and grabs her wrist, removing her touch from his face. "I can't be him anymore, Rey. I'm not just an apprentice anymore, I'm a leader. A  _ruler_." He takes a deep breath, remembering Hux's words. "Emotions cloud judgment. How can I properly rule if I'm always coming back to some girl in my bed at the end of the night?"

He watches her eyes harden and her lips purse, and he quickly realizes his wording was insensitive and wrong. "Rey, I didn't-"

"No, I get it," she says, cutting him off in a monotone voice. He looks up at her, watching her close her eyes to gather her emotions, clenching her jaw. "You can no longer be both Kylo Ren and Ben Solo. You have to choose eventually." She opens her eyes. Her gaze falls on his, her eyes hard and demanding. "But I don't want Kylo Ren. I refuse to have Kylo Ren."

He swallows. "I'm sorry," he whispers, knowing it's not what she wants to hear. Slowly, he picks himself up from the floor, watching her hands fall from his body all too easily. He didn't want to go, damnit, but he had to deal with this problem _now_ before he could even begin to fix the problem he's creating now. "I'm sorry, Rey, but I have to go." 

He moves to the table by the door, slipping his gloves on in silence. She's watching him so closely it's almost painful. He's not even sure he'll be welcome back once he's done with Hux. But would he deserve it? He keeps breaking her heart, over and over again. And each time, it hurts not only her but him as well. Their bond not only allowed them to share feelings but it amplified them, making heartbreak feel like grief. It takes everything in him to take a breath, making his way out of his room.

She doesn't speak until he moves to the door, allowing it to slide open. 

"Ben?"

He stops in the doorway. He doesn't turn to her but he doesn't have to; he feels her eyes on his back, searing holes into his skin. He curses himself for even responding to his name, but he waits for her to continue, every fiber in his body hanging on for her words.

"I will no longer settle for both. I will have all of you, Ben Solo, or I will not have you at all." 


	7. Let the Right One In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs: "The Mighty Rio Grande" by This Will Destroy You, "Bellarke Theme" by Tree Adams, "Play With Fire" by Sam Tinnesz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY have an update! Thank you all so much for your patience, I hope this is worth it :)

Kylo Ren winces as he tries to roll over in his bed, his skin sticking to the sheets. Instantly, he reaches behind him, his fingers meeting forming scabs on his shoulder blade. He wants to laugh but he's too on edge to laugh. They're from Rey.

After a bit of struggle, he repositions himself on his back and glances over at her. She's on her stomach, his cape she used as a makeshift blanket twisted around her waist. Her smooth back in rising and falling evenly, her light snores filling the room. But she's facing him, pink lips parted slightly, the worry lines on her forehead all but gone. Carefully, he reaches out, using the faintest touch to push hair from her face. As his knuckles brush her cheek her nose scrunches, making a face in her sleep before settling back into her pillow, now still.

He figures she never slept much back on Jakku. She doesn't talk much about it but he knows. When she gets the chance to close her eyes, he knows how she cherishes it. And as if he willed it, she reaches out, a warm hand sliding over his bicep, closing her fingers around the inside of his arm. She lets out the smallest of contented moans, using the hand around his arm as an anchor, pulling herself closer in her sleep. She doesn't settle until her forehead is pressed against his shoulder, her leg wrapped around his thigh. 

He takes a deep breath, resting his head against the pillows, closing his eyes. This is all he wanted. At this moment, if he died right now, he would have lived a fulfilled life. This is all he  _needed._ He felt peace. He focuses on her even breathing, her breath hot against his arm, heat rising in his chest. And he probably would have fallen asleep if the conversation with the General last night wasn't gnawing on him. 

_"Is there a reason for this?" He asks, annoyed and angry, marching into the conference room. The General, along with two other First Order officers, stood at the end of the long table. "Your inept timing is incredible."_

_The General presses his lips into a thin line. "I'm sorry, Supreme Leader. I didn't realize I was interrupting anything at this hour."_

_Kylo's cheeks burn. He's lucky the lights are dimmed; otherwise, the General would see him falter. "Nothing that concerns you," he looks behind him at the two officers. "Or any of you. Now, why was this meeting called?"_

_"You missed the debriefing," the Sergeant behind General Hux, Sergeant Briggs, told him, bowing at the waist before speaking._

_He clenches his jaw at the words. "I didn't-"_

_"Realize?" General Hux sneers, finishing his sentence. "Yes, well, you've been quite distracted lately. We had to carry on without you. Luckily for you, I was able to stand in for the time being, but you mustn't make it a habit, Supreme Leader."_

_Anger rears its ugly head in the pit of Kylo's stomach. "You're awfully brave to fill such a space, General. Is there any reason why neither I nor the Empress was alerted about this debriefing? Other than the borderline treason?"_

_"We rang your communications device. We also sent stormtroopers to fetch you both, but your Knights wouldn't let us through the hall," Commander Aerglo informed him, not able to pick his gaze up from the floor, too afraid to face the Supreme Leader. "The General had us move on."_

_Kylo's eyes find their way back to the General, narrowing slightly at the sight of his smug face. "Of course he did."_

_The General steps forward, a faux smile on his thin lips, ushering Kylo to sit across from them. He takes a seat cautiously. "Truly, we are worried about where your attention has gone. No longer is it solely focused on wiping out the Resistance. Instead, your mind has found a new fixation, it seems."_

_The anger churning in his stomach moves to his throat, threatening to spill out. "Ending the Resistance and allowing the First Order to be the sole ruler of the Galaxy is still my top priority, General Hux."_

_"So why is it when you're confronted with the choice to end this war, you listen to a girl and spare them?"_

_"She has nothing to do with this." He clenches his hands so tightly beneath the table, the stitchings of his leather gloves pull threateningly over his knuckles. "I needed to present us as a unified team to the people of the First Order or else they wouldn't accept her. I had to listen to her and follow her orders."_

_The General shakes his head. "I think it has less to do with the loyalty of the people and more to do with your severe emotions for her."_

_Kylo swallows. "Absolutely not. You have no idea what you're talking about."_

_"Do I not?" The General asks mockingly, standing from his seat, beginning to make his way around the table. "Choosing a_ girl  _over the security of the First Order simply for the people to like her? You must peg me as a fool, Supreme Leader, if you think I believe that."_

_Instantly, Kylo stands, the anger finally pooling out of him. He stares down the General, his jaw set. "Know your place, General Hux. You'll lose your head."_

_An eerie chuckle leaves the General's lips, a haunting smile pulling his cheeks. "Careful, Supreme Leader. Your weakness will destroy you. You saw what compassion did to Darth Vader."_

A shiver runs down his back. Even now, the words still rub him the wrong way. Lilith's words were true. They were planning a revolt. They must be. 

He angles his head down to glance at her, just watching her sleep. He always figured it would come to this eventually, but he never thought Rey would be caught in the crossfire. He never wanted this for her. Gingerly, he reaches a hand up, dragging his thumb across her cheek softly. But the odd angle of his hand causes the edge of his pinky to brush against the tip of her nose, and her nostrils flare with a sharp inhale before opening her eyes.

"Sorry," he says immediately, his voice unfamiliarly soft as she blinks into focus. "I didn't mean to wake you." 

Rey stretches, letting out a soft moan as she extends her muscles. With a sigh, she settles against him. "You didn't. I've probably been sleeping too long, anyway." She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "How was your meeting with the General?"

"Uneventful," he lies to her easily, watching her as she sits up, gathers her hair in her hands before dropping it back against freckled shoulders. "Apparently, you were supposed to be there too. They rang for us several times."

She looks over her shoulder at him, brows drawing together in confusion. "I never heard anything, even if we were preoccupied. I would have heard it."

"I would have, too." It only confirms his suspicions. They never rang him, never alerted him. If they tried to get through his knights on official business, they would have allowed the news to reach them. "I'm sure it was just a mistake."

Rey adverts her eyes. He fears she doesn't believe him. "I'm sure," she repeats his words, sliding out of his lazy grip around her waist, planting her feet on the sterile floor before standing. He watches her retreat to the fresher, her hips swaying as she walks, disappearing behind the frosted glass wall. "What's on the agenda today?" she shouts from the fresher, turning the water on. "More training?"

He doesn't hear her; his mind is elsewhere. Instead of joining her, he stares at the bland ceiling, thumb tapping on his chest. He barely got any sleep, but insomnia now haunted him. Rey was asleep by the time he returned to his chambers, and so instead of sleeping himself, he kept himself busy, finding ways to protect her. Or at least giving her a way to protect herself. 

"Ben?"

He casts his eyes down from the ceiling, trailing to where her head stuck out from the corner. An eyebrow is raised, her lips pursed. "Where's your head at?"

"I have something for you," he murmurs, sliding out of bed, walking to where his tunic is thrown carelessly over a table. Picking it up, he reveals his belt where not two, but  _three_ lightsabers hang, unclipping the third before turning to Rey. "You were supposed to make it yourself," he starts, examining it in his hands. "But kyber crystals are hard to come by these days, and once you have one you must act fast. So I made it. If that's okay with you, of course." 

Her eyes instantly soften and she grabs a towel, wrapping it around her body before making her way towards him. Rey's lips begin to curve upward as she reaches into his hand, taking it from him gingerly. She instantly notes it's longer than Luke's, and it doesn't take long to see that there are two openings.

The curve in her lip quickly turns into a smile, her eyes lit with excitement as she looks up at him. "It's double-bladed," she breathes, turning her attention back to the metal in her hands. It was smooth and light, and it fits into her hand perfectly. She couldn't have made it better herself even if she tried. 

"Like your staff," he says, reaching up to rub the back of his neck, as if he were shy about knowing an aspect of her life. "I figured you'd prefer this more."

"I do," she grins. Stepping safely away from him, Rey ignites it, a white light filling the room. He watches her, mystified as she stares at the white energy coming from both sides of the handle. In awe, she looks up at him. "It's colorless. Is that okay? Did you make it as such?"

He crosses his arms, reaching a hand up to bite down on his thumbnail. "I suppose. It's usually blue or green for a Jedi or red for a Sith and the like. But if it's white," he continues, pausing when she looks up at him. "It must sense the balance within you." 

Rey tries to hide her smile and fails, turning the lightsaber off before returning it back to his hands. "Thank you, truly. I have no other words than thank you. This means so much." 

He finds himself fighting a smile of his own, forcing himself to bite the inside of his cheek so his emotions don't betray him. "It's the least I could do." 

"Now," she starts with a smirk and a glint in her eye, reaching a hand out, brushing her fingers along the waistband of his pants. "If the Supreme Leader is up to it," she continues, reaching for his elbow, running her hand down his arm before entangling her fingers with his. "I'd love to thank him properly," she hints, beginning to step backward toward the fresher. 

This time, he smiles. "I suppose I can think of a few ways to repay me, your Highness." 

* * *

There's a newfound confidence in the way Rey walks down the hallways of the ships. Perhaps it was the metal gifted to her hanging on her hip, swaying with each step. She wouldn't consider herself a Jedi but she felt like one. Or, at the very least,  _something_ with the same qualifications as a Jedi. She had power - more than she ever had before. And, if she's being honest, she hated to admit she liked it. Because relishing in power is not the Jedi way, and it's not the way Luke taught her. But Ben taught her to follow her emotions within the force, and contrary to her own belief months ago, she trusts him wholeheartedly. And so she allows herself to embrace her power, electrifying her fingertips and bringing color to her cheeks. 

She's on her way past the armory before someone catches her eye, and doing a double take she realizes it's Alte, arms crossed and talking with someone of a lower rank. With a kind smile, she tucks her hair behind her ear before entering, hugging the thick wool of her cape around her shoulder. 

Alte bends at the waist the moment she sees her. "Your Majesty," she greets her Empress, glancing at the officer beside her and urges her to do the same. Quickly, Rey goes to her, helping her back up.

"That's not necessary," Rey tells them both, nodding her head in acknowledgment to the other officer. "Rey will do." 

"Okay.  _Rey_ ," Alte corrects herself. With a simple look, the two begin to laugh like old friends, pulling each other into a hug. The other officer excuses herself, removing her from the conversation between superior officers. Rey watches her go, a strange feeling tightening in her chest. She was powerful. Respected. 

"You know," Rey begins as she looks around, gathering the material of her cape in her hands around her neck, her fingers gripping the expensive material. "I've never  _actually_ been in here before. "It's..." she continues, eyes glancing over the weapons lining the walls. "It's awesome." 

"The First Order is lucky we have the resources we need," Alte says, brushing fingers over pristine rifles and steel blades. "See anything you like, Empress?" 

Rey ignores the title easily, her eyes already zeroing in on a set of platinum daggers. Hesitantly, she reaches out, lifting one into her palm from its place on the wall. It's heavy, and the grip is smooth. She slips her middle finger into the ring at the end of the handle, twirling it, satisfied with the sound of metal slicing easily through the air. Eager, she grabs the second of the matching set, weighing them in her hands. With a sly smile, she turns back to Alte. 

"Can I keep them?" 

Alte nods, lowering her eyes in respect. "They were my sister's before she passed. She would be honored that the Empress of the First Order wanted to use something from her arsenal."

Rey's heart drops in compassion. "I'm so sorry. I can just put them back if you-"

"No," Alte interrupts, reaching out to grab her friend's shoulders. "She would want you to have these. She rarely used them, anyway. Her blaster was always her weapon of choice, and that's somewhere under General Hux's supervision." She pauses. "Besides, I'm sure the Supreme Leader wouldn't mind seeing a dagger strapped to your thigh." 

Rey glances up from the metal in her hands to eye Alte's teasing smile, trying her best to compose herself and keep herself from blushing. "Oh, please. He's the king of hiding his emotions."

Alte shrugs. "Perhaps. But the influence you have on him effects the rest of the First Order. He's not as angry. People aren't dying just for voicing their opinions. There's a sense of freedom now." 

"And because Snoke is finally dead," she breathes, reaching for the thigh holsters on the table in front of her, strapping them to her legs. The daggers fit perfectly, the weight comfortable.

Alte draws her brow together in a sort of confusion, blinking. "I mean, yeah. I guess. What do you mean 'finally'?"

Rey instantly stops. No one except her and Ben knew that he was the one who killed Snoke, and he made it very clear to her that out of everything that transpired between them since them, this was the one thing that  _needed_ to remain a secret. "I just," she begins, her mind in overdrive trying to come up with an excuse. "There's a lot that people don't know about just how...  _damaging_ the relationship between the Supreme Leader and Snoke was. He caused Kylo a lot of pain." 

After a long stare, Alte blinks, averting her gaze. "I get it. Supreme Leader Snoke was very mysterious. Only a few people in the First Order ever saw him in person. I just don't understand why his own  _guards_ killed him. They were so loyal to him. 

"Well, as soon as they turned on him, they turned on Kylo Ren. That wasn't an easy fight." 

Alte eyes her. "I forget you were there when they rebelled against Supreme Leader Snoke. I guess it's a true testament to your bond if you and the Supreme Leader worked together to save each other's lives, even if you were still only a scavenger." 

The atmosphere begins to feel different, and Rey grows cold at her words. Did Alte know? Was she catching on? And better yet, would she confide in anyone with her thoughts? "Thank you for the daggers, Alte," she changes the subject, giving Alte her best kind smile. "I'll cherish them."

Alte gives her a wordless smile as she watches her flip her hair over her shoulder, exiting the armory. She makes sure Rey is well out of earshot before reaching into her belt, pulling her communication unit from its holster. 

"I need you to meet me in the armory," she murmurs into the device. "I think I know more about Supreme Leader Snoke's death." 

* * *

Kylo Ren would be lying if Hux's words weren't overwhelming him. The closest he got to taking his mind elsewhere is his time with Rey in the shower, but even that couldn't relieve him of his anxiety. Hux knew. He had to know something. The longer it's been since Snoke's death, the more uneasy he feels. He hoped that the speculation around what happened would dissolve with time, but it seems prominent now more than ever. 

With an inward groan, he reaches up to push the hair from his eyes, wishing he didn't destroy his mask as he presses the palms of his hands into his eyes. It hid his emotions. Now, he has to face them every time he catches his reflection. 

He hears the door to his office slide open and he doesn't have to look behind him to know it's Rey. But instead of the usual comfort she brings him, the room only grows colder. He jumps when her hand lands on his shoulder, but he reaches for her once she circles around to face him. He grabs her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips. "You're trembling," he murmurs, tightening his grip on her fingers to keep them from shaking.

"Can we go somewhere?" 

He looks past her, eyeing the work still left to do on his desk. "We can go back to my quarters. Just let me finish-"

"No," she says with a deep breath, interrupting him, shifting her weight from her right foot to her left, playing with his fingers in hers. "I mean somewhere off this ship." 

Looking at her, she realizes just how exhausted he is. The circles under his eyes are darker than usual. His skin is paler, and the color from his cheeks has all but disappeared. He needs this break just as much as she does. 

"Okay," he decides, rubbing her forearm when she reaches up to put a hand on his shoulder. "Where would you like to go?"

Rey straightens the collar on his cape, the red a nice touch to the black leather. "The inner rim." 

He raises an eyebrow at her, instantly knowing what she wants. "You want to go home." 

She breaks down, sliding onto his lap, an infatuating grip around his shoulders. "Please? It wouldn't have to be for long. And Jakku would be the  _last_ place people would think to look for us. Just a few days to collect ourselves and to relax." 

His eyebrows draw together as he looks at her. "Why would people be looking for us?" 

She doesn't answer him right away, and so he reaches a hand up, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone, trying to get her to talk to him. "Someone might be onto us. About what we did to Snoke."

"What  _I_ did," he corrects her instantly. He doesn't want her carrying that burden with her. "What makes you think someone knows?"

"I had a conversation with Alte, and I let it slip that I wasn't exactly torn up about his death. And I just dug myself deeper and deeper into a hole, and now I'm almost positive she knows something is up." She takes a deep breath once she finishes, and he reaches up, beginning to rub her back. "I don't know what to do, Ben. What if she figures it out?"

"No one will figure anything out," he soothes her, letting her fold against him, curving her back to rest her head on his chest. "Everyone who was there is either us or dead. Not even the Knights of Ren know." She doesn't seem sold, and so he continues. "He was a horrible man. Most won't admit it, but they're glad he's gone. Even if they find something, they won't act on it. I promise you, Rey. I won't let anything happen to you." 

"So let's leave," she urges him. "Now. Let's go now." 

He looks flustered as she helps him out of his chair and to his feet. "Okay, um, let me just gather a few Knights and we can-"

"No," she interrupts, fisting his cloak in her hands. "No security detail. Let's just go. You and me." 

It was tempting. There was something comforting in the idea of General Hux not knowing where he is. Lilith could stand in for him as interim Supreme Leader if there was an emergency, and she's far more cutthroat than he is lately. Perhaps she could deal with Hux for awhile. 

"Okay," he finally agrees, watching a smile appear on her face, leaning down to allow her to kiss him. "Let's go."

* * *

"Ready?"

He turns at her voice, the sarcasm used in their witty banter threatening to spill from his lips all but fading, his thoughts faltering. A white cloak is thrown over her shoulders, paired with white pants and boots. A sliver of her tanned stomach is peeking out from between her top and the low waistline of her trousers. Her hood is pulled up, the thick, white material forming a halo around her face. She looked like an angel.

Rey raises an eyebrow. "Well? Ready to go?"

He swallows, unable to pry his eyes from her as she pushes past him. "You're... in white." 

She only shrugs. "I know that's not up to First Order standard, and for all I know it's breaking some sort of morbid rule. So don't like it all you want, but  _you're_ going to be the one drenched in sweat within the first ten seconds after landing." 

"I never said I didn't like it," he defends himself, willing the softness he knew was in his eyes to disappear. "It's... nice."

She doesn't say anything, and she continues to not say anything as she grabs his gloved hand. He takes her fingers, wrapping them in his protectively. It's something he's grown accustomed to, like holding her hand is part of his everyday routine. Like it's as simple as breathing. Rey smiles, reaching out with her free hand to press the button to open the drop door. With a hiss, the heavy metal drops, and he has to physically turn away to avoid being blinded by the sun. But to her surprise,  _he's_  the one to take the first step forward, his heavy boots making deep prints in the orange sand. 

With a huff, he releases her hand, grabbing his cloak and yanking the hood over his head with a frown, pulling his face into the shadows. Being here makes him uneasy after what he did to that village. He can't afford being spotted, especially with Rey with him. 

She steps forward without him, and he hangs back, watching her carefully. She's somber, her eyes roaming the vast barrenness. With a deep breath, she tilts her head back, a soft smile on her lips as her hood falls from her head. Another deep breath passes and she turns back to him, her smile only growing. 

"Welcome back to Jakku."

"It's brighter than I remember," he tells her, already reaching up to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "Where to now?" 

"My, uh... where I live is just past the trading post. It's about a mile walk."

He takes her hand in his and they begin to walk. Most of their trip is spent in silence, and he pulls his hood further over his face once they begin to cross paths with others, entering the small town. He can't afford anyone to recognize him, not only because of what he did to the village but because he's the Supreme Leader. But his concern is mostly with Rey, and he didn't want her in any danger because of him. 

"Rey! Is that you?"

His eyebrows draw together when he hears her name called out in a voice he didn't recognize. He turns toward the person, instinctively positioning himself in front of her. It was a man, human and skinny. His clothes hung loosely on his body, and he figures the man is probably starving, just how Rey was. But the man only focuses on him once he sees Kylo's face.

"You," he begins, his eyes growing hard. "I know you." 

Ben shrugs him off. "I've never been here before." 

The man narrows his eyes. "Lies. I was there when you slaughtered the villagers. Only three of us survived. I remember you." 

He'd rather avoid this completely instead of starting something, and so he turns his back to the man, facing Rey. "Come on, let's go." 

"Watch out!"

Rey suddenly pushes past him, practically propelling herself over his shoulder. In a swift motion, she reaches down to her thigh to grab a hidden dagger from its holster, flipping the blade between her fingertips. When the handle settles in her palm she lunges forward, driving the metal into the juncture between the man's neck and shoulder. She follows him to the sand, squatting as she pulls the dagger from his neck once she's sure he's dead. 

"They know you're here," she tells him, taking the dirty blade from the man's hand that Ben never saw, throwing it away from them. She turns to Ben, ignoring the crabbed expression on his face as she throws the hood of her cape back over her head. "We need to get out of the outpost center."

"Where did you get a  _knife?"_

"I'm tired of relying on others, on  _you_ , for my protection. I've made it with a staff long enough, and using a lightsaber just now would have been too flashy. I figured I'd try something new." He watches her closely as she begins to limp down the rickety staircase, pursing her lips as if to hide whatever pain she may have. "Besides, I don't only have one dagger, I have two." 

He's quick to move as her leg gives out once she reaches the bottom of the stairs, doing his best to catch her as she falls to her knees. She winces as she sucks in a sharp breath, bracing herself against him as he helps her stand. But her pants feel as if they're sticking to her, and when she looks down, his eyes follow her gaze. 

"You're bleeding," he tells her, noticing the gash in her thigh, blood beginning to soak into her white pants. "How are you bleeding?"

"That man must have cut me before I killed him," she says, her mind going back to the dirty blade she tossed. "I must've not felt it." 

"That's much more than just a cut, Rey." He tries his best to help her stand but she cries out when she puts weight on her left leg, his strong arm around her shoulders keeping her upright.  _I can't walk_ , she thinks. And so, naturally, he reads her thoughts. Instantly, he pulls her tighter against his chest, allowing her to sling an arm around him before he reaches down to gather her legs, picking her up bridal style. People are beginning to stare, and so he bows his head, keeping his eyes down. 

"Go north," she tells him, tightening her grip on his shoulders. "We're almost there." 

And so he walks, his heavy boots sinking into the sand with every step. He tightens his grip on her body, pulling her as close to his chest as he could, almost as if he's trying to shield her from lingering eyes. Rey's free hand goes to her thigh, applying pressure to the gash, trying to stop the bleeding that's beginning to run onto his tunic. 

Rey notices his breathing has become ragged and more shallow once they are out of the outpost and into the desert once more, the setting sun unkind as the heat hits his shoulders, sinking into the fabric atop his skin. He's sweating, and she quickly realizes that he's not used to the extreme heat.

"You can put me down," she tells him. "I can try to-"

" _No_ ," he interrupts, his voice firm, almost demanding as he readjusts his grip on her body. He ignores the way his biceps scream at him or the way his skin feels like it's practically melting off his bones. He'd be damned if he's shown as weak in front of her. His years of torturous training under Snoke is finally paying off. 

He continues to walk, and she even closes her eyes at one point. But soon enough they've arrived where she led him, and against his wishes he sets her on her feet, keeping a firm hand on her waist as she tries to step forward. 

"What is this?" he asks her, a little out of breath, insinuating about the half-buried, fallen AT-AT. 

Her cheeks burn as she continues forward, biting the inside of her mouth to prevent herself from yelling out. "It's my home. Or it was, at least." 

Ben is quiet as she leads them inside, ducking his head as they inch through what looks like a shattered bay window being used as a door. He always knew that she came from nothing, but he would never have guessed that it was legitimately  _nothing_. She didn't even have a proper home. 

Inside is a bit more presentable, but not by much. He glances around at the scarcity of it all, a narrow table shoved into a corner, a small, disheveled cot in another. It was nothing he's ever seen, even when he went on charity trips with his mother to the Outer Rim. Perhaps this is why she was so humble. 

With a few reservations, he places her gently on the bed, kneeling at her side as she lays back. There's more sweat on her forehead than there probably should be, her skin slightly tinted green. He moves his gaze down to her thigh, the whole left leg of her pants practically dyed maroon. His eyebrows draw together.

"I'll be fine," she tells him, almost hiding her pain from him. Almost. "There should be gauze on the table, can you please get it?" 

He follows her orders, making it all of six feet to the table. But the gauze is old and raggedy, and he's sure the dark brown stains are dirt, or blood, or probably both. He makes a face. She's not putting that on her body. Thinking quickly, he removes his cape, reaching into his belt to remove his lightsaber. Igniting it, he uses the crossguard to cut a strip of fabric from the bottom of the cape before tossing it to the sandy floor, extinguishing the embers left behind. 

"Here," he murmurs, kneeling next to the bed again. He averts his gaze when she raises her hips to remove her pants, an action that earns not only an eyebrow raise but also a weak laugh. He's seen her naked plenty of times before, but it's charming to see him so suddenly modest. Maybe he was a politician's son after all. 

His eyes remain off of her as she removes her cape, untying it from her neck and leaving it under her. When she stills, he reaches for her legs, maneuvering himself to where he can sit on the bed and have her thigh on his lap. Her right knee bends, pressing the inside of her leg to his back as she presses her foot into the cot. Gently, he begins to wrap her thigh, careful not to touch her gash as his hands circle the fabric around a few more times before tying it off, making sure it's not too tight. "It won't do much but it will stop the bleeding," he tells her, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Force, it's hot."

"You don't like the heat?" 

When he looks back to her, he truly does mean to answer her, but one look at her shoots his head straight into the gutter. It may be the angle, or it may be the heat, or it may be both. But seeing her bare legs straddle him, her cheeks flushed and her lips parted in a deep breath does nothing but fill his mind with dirty thoughts.

He swallows. "Sometimes," is all he gives as an answer, his voice calm.

But Rey can hear his thoughts screaming at her, and so she gives him a wicked smile. Before he can even comprehend her movements she's reaching for the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. And just like that, she's naked. Her heart is beating in her ears as she watches him with hooded eyes. "The fewer layers you wear the better." 

He knows what she's doing. And if it were any other time he would have entertained her, but she was injured. She was injured, and tired, and possibly even sick. And so, against her wishes, his gloved hand goes to her hip, holding her in place so she doesn't tempt him. "It's getting late, and I'm not going to take advantage of your injury," he tells her. "You need to sleep." 

After many protests she follows his orders, allowing him to shift her, wrapping her body in his heavy cloak. Now that the sun has set, the desert is colder, a chill settling in the makeshift home. He kisses her forehead and rubs her arm as she falls asleep until her breathing begins to even out, a small snore escaping her lips.

He watches her sleep. She's beautiful. Not even a day on the desert planet and her face is already peppered with dark freckles, dancing over the bridge of her nose and dripping down her neck. Her lips are slightly parted, sighing in her sleep. Dark hair fans her face like a halo, her tanned shoulders a breathtaking contrast against her white cloak beneath her. Rey seems peaceful, and he knows that she's comfortable. He comprehends that he displaced her once he invited her to join him as Empress, but maybe all she needed was this trip home. 

He frowns. For the first time since landing on Jakku, he thinks of the First Order, and in turn General Hux and the remnants of Supreme Leader Snoke. Damn General Hux. Damn General Hux and the web of lies Ben was forced to create to keep him at ease. Because it's beginning to take a toll on Rey, and that was the last thing he wanted. 

Something catches his eye as he looks around the cramped room, pushing himself up from the edge of the old cot to investigate. Igniting his lightsaber, he holds it up to get a better look at the scribblings. There, on the wall, were tiny lines. Hundreds and hundreds of lines, etched into the metal looming over him. Gingerly, he reaches a hand out, brushing his pointer finger over the grooves. It clicks. Days. They represented days. His heart drops as he stares up at the wall; there had to be thousands of carvings. And he saw her visions when she did all those months ago. She spent her whole life here counting down the days until her family came back for her. Rey only stayed here for them and they never returned. Rage flared in his chest. How could they do this to her? Someone who she loved so much, leaving her for dead? Rendering her a slave the rest of her life, having to scavage for her livelihood? 

Rey coughs, turning his attention back to her, shutting the lightsaber off at once. She's still asleep, thankfully, but clearly in pain. Her eyebrows are tightly held together by the muscles in her face, even in her sleep. He crosses the small room back to her, slowly sitting beside her sleeping form. Gingerly, he feels for her thigh, ignoring the electricity flowing through him once his hand touches her skin. He hasn't done this in probably a decade, not even on himself, but he decides to try and heal her. Uncle Luke vaguely taught him how to heal someone from even fatal wounds, remembering the lesson was brought about by his story of Anakin Skywalker afraid to lose his wife. 

He removes his gloves before removing the fabric of his cape from her leg, and taking a deep breath, he pushes his energy outward, disregarding the aching pressure in his chest that grows with every second. Her skin grows hotter, so hot his fingers feel as if they're burning. But the pain in his fingers and the pressure in his chest becomes too great, forcing him to pull his hands back with a hiss. "Fuck," he mutters, feeling her shift next to him, praying he didn't wake her up.

"Ben." 

Her voice is so tender, so soft, it causes his heart to constrict in his chest. He moves a hand to the other side of her body, leaning down over her to see her. The whites in her eyes shimmer like stars, and he can just make out the shape of her facial features. "I didn't mean to wake you. I saw you were in pain, and I-"

Hands find their way around his waist, sliding up his back to his shoulders before pulling him down to her. He falls to his elbows with ease, fingers going to her hair splayed about her head as Rey's lips find his. 

His chest brushed against hers as he kisses her, opening his mouth to Rey when her tongue prods at his lips. Ben shifts his weight to one arm, and she shivers as he pulls the cape she was using as a blanket down, exposing a tanned shoulder to the desert air. 

He pulls back, the hand in her hair going to her forehead, pushing the hair from her eyes. "Cold?" 

"No," she breathes, kicking her leg free from the cape as gracefully as she could. She bends her knee, allowing him to settle in between her legs, his growing erection pressing into her abdomen. Her fingers go to his thick hair, pulling him back down to her. "I feel like I'm on fire," she murmurs, her sweet breath fanning his face. And she was right, because when his hand goes to her thigh to pull it higher up his waist, his fingers begin to burn at her touch. 

She giggles as she wraps her free arm around his shoulder, arching her body off of the bed, pressing her bare chest to his thick tunic. Easily, the hand on her thigh slides under her back, holding her to him tightly. "I thought I needed to sleep," she whispers, pressing her lips to his ear, throwing his words back at him. 

"I didn't wake you up for sex," he corrects her, his voice low, trying to not wake the stars outside from their slumber. "I tried to heal you, and you subsequently woke up. And then _you_ kissed  _me_."

The grin on her face doesn't fade. "You kissed me back." 

He swallows, because he wants nothing more than to kiss her again. "I still stand by that. You should sleep. You're physically healed but you still sound exhausted." 

Rey pouts at him, and he tries to ignore the way she subtly moves her hips against his, separated by a frilly cape and tight pants. He wants nothing more than to ravage her, but he's trying to be a better man, and being a better man involves putting her well-being above his desires. His fingers move to her hips, flexing against her bones.

She hears his thoughts. Of course, she hears his thoughts. "Do you want me to stop?" she asks him, moving her lips to his throat. Against his better judgment, he extends his neck to her, shuddering when her teeth nip at his pale skin. The movement of her hips becomes more prominent, and he has to breathe sharply through his nose to calm himself down, the grip on her hip tightening. But instead of stopping her, he urges her on, guiding her movements selfishly. "Do you  _really_ want me to stop?"

Roughly, he pushes her against the cot, the Force aiding him in holding her down. She figures she maybe pushed him too hard, overwhelming him. But she watches him sit up, reaching for the neck of his tunic, pulling it over his head. With glee, she allows him to remove his cape from separating them, returning to her embrace with a grunt. His grip on her is tighter now. More punishing. She relishes in it. 

"I don't want you to stop," he answers her, haphazardly reaching down to undo the ties on his pants. She clings to him like she's suffocating and his neck is a breath of fresh air, kissing bruises into his skin. His mind is flustered and his head swimming, regaining enough competency to shove his pants down his thighs. His abdomen clenches as he steadies himself with a hand on the base of his cock, losing whatever sort of self-control he had once Rey pressed her teeth into the skin below his jaw. 

She has so much power over him; he knows it, and so does she. He's not always vocal about his emotions towards her, but he would without a doubt follow her to the ends of the galaxy. His heart permanently aches for her, only her touch able to truly soothe it. His life is so sharply divided between before and after he first laid eyes on her. Her gaze alone changed him forever, and the purity of her heart marked him. She brought him out of the shadows, the light beginning to stain his skin, bit by bit. He was forever hers. 

Against his wishes, she eases off of him, stilling her hips as her hands do to his hair. "What's on your mind?" she breathes softly, fingers combing through the hair at the nape of his neck. Her eyes sparkle in the dark as she stares up at him, and he has the strangest urge to cry. She's so pure; so beautiful. 

And so he tells her that. "You're breathtaking," he murmurs, reaching a finger up to trace her lips. She can't help the uptick of the corner of her mouth, enchanting him. Who would have thought a scavenger would be the one to bring the great Kylo Ren to his knees?

She surges up from the cot, capturing his lips with hers, wrapping a tanned leg around his solid waist. He's trembling with want as he guides himself into her with ease, burying his head in the juncture between her neck and shoulder. He kisses her skin there, breathing her in deeply as she begins to roll her hips. With a whimper Rey pulls on his hair, bringing his lips to hers in a deep kiss.

"I love you," she murmurs into his mouth, the hand he has on her hip tightening at her words. She wants so desperately for him to say it back to her. And he might have if his voice didn't catch in his throat every time he even thought of telling her those words. He only kisses her in response, pressing his tongue to her lips, exploring the inside of her mouth. She moans into him as the hand on her waist circles around to her backside, squeezing her ass in his hands. "I love you," she repeats as his lips bruise her neck.

Nails scrape down his back as his hips pick up the pace, reopening healing wounds, creating new ones. He tries his best to even his breathing as her teeth latch onto the skin behind his ear, marking him as hers. 

She finishes with a feral mewl, arms going around his neck, holding him as tightly as possible to her as she comes. He grips the knee of the leg around his waist with fervor, turning his head to kiss down her shoulder and bicep as her hips rock against his erratically, riding out her orgasm. He follows suit quickly, letting his leg drop from the tiny bed to press the ball of his foot into the dirt, using his angle for leverage to press further into her. 

Rey lets her head roll to the side, closing her eyes as he leans in to kiss her temple. She lets out a lazy whine when he pries himself from her, watching him without lifting her head from the pillow as he fishes around the ground for where he discarded his cape. She's pliant in his arms as he maneuvers her body, pulling her close as he wraps them together in their makeshift blanket. He's too big for her makeshift bed, and so Rey is more than happy to lay atop him, resting her head on his chest. His hand goes into her hair, massaging her scalp gently with his fingers. 

"I can hear your heartbeat," she breathes, using her nail to trace shapes into his muscles. She shivers as his arm wraps around her waist, snuggling herself closer. 

"It beats for you," he murmurs. He doesn't have to see her to know she's blushing, hiding a smile against his skin. "It belongs to you." 

They lay in silence for some time. His breathing begins to slow but he doesn't fall asleep; instead, he opted to stare up at the dark ceiling, running his fingers through her hair. There are a few cracks in the AT-AT's build, the sunrise beginning to seep through the holes. It was already morning.

"Do you ever think about it?" she asks him in a small voice, wrapping her arm around his waist. "How the Force connects us so deeply?"

He lets out a small laugh. "Every second of every day." She lifts her head to kiss him, shoving her hand beneath his shoulder, using the strength left in her arms to roll them until she was beneath him. He laughs again, this time at her libido when she locks her ankles behind his back around his waist. 

"Again?" he asks with a smirk, almost a moan when she nips at his neck, beginning to roll her hips. 

Rey grins. "Again. And again, and again, and again." 

* * *

She brings him with her into the desert heat, teaching him how to live in her world, much to his chagrin. Briefly, she jokes about how they could always move to Jakku if they're ran out of the First Order, but it falls flat. Mainly because she doesn't know how real of a possibility that is. He finds himself wishing once more that he didn't destroy his mask in a childish fit, because he has to borrow cloth to wrap his mouth and cover his face. 

"You don't want to swallow sand," she tells him, laughing as he crinkles his nose in disgust before she covered it with dark cloth.

He raises the hood of his cape above his head when they exit her home, trying his best to remain inconspicuous. Rey stays silent, but really, there's no point. The planet was extremely poor. His rich robes and First Order crest on his chest - no matter how faded it may be - wouldn't fool anyone. His sticks out like a sore thumb, and her matching cape had the same effect on her. She didn't look like a scavenger anymore. She looked like the Empress she now was.

Ben reaches out to grasp her hand protectively, the leather touch comforting her as they stepped into the town outpost. People and creatures begin to stare, and so he pulls her closer, moving his free hand to rest on the hilt of his lightsaber in case he needed to use it. They know him. They know him and they hate him, and so he must protect her if need be. 

They pass through the outpost unbothered, much to his relief. But much to his dismay and his many, many protests, Rey teaches him  _how_ to be a scavenger. She teaches him how to scale crashed ships, and dig through buried homes. His shoulders are burning under the weight of the sun and the sweat running down his back isn't anything to joke about, but he pushes on, working alongside her, too prideful to give up. 

He's actually the one who finds what Rey says is the most valuable - a ring left behind in the bedside table of a home buried beneath the sand. It's a simple gold band, but Rey is elated when he shows her, going on about how many rations they'll earn for it. 

"This is some sort of slavery," he complains on their way back to the outpost, ripping the cloth from his face in annoyance, using it to soak up the sweat on the back of his neck. His dark hair sticks to his forehead, and his clothes are practically wet. He wants nothing more than to take a cold shower, but on Jakku, he's not sure when that moment would come.

But Rey... Rey looks perfect, as always. Removing the cloth covering her mouth, she finds another use for it, tying up her long hair. She reaches up to wipe the sweat from her forehead with her arm, her ponytail swinging as she leads him to Plutt.

Kylo smells him before he sees him. He's just as ugly and vile as Rey described him; perhaps worse. He watches Rey as she keeps her head down, all confidence she gained with him gone as she steps forward to the fenced desk. Wordlessly, she reaches into the bag hanging on her shoulder, discarding the items onto the desk. 

After a simple glance, Plutt coughs. "Half portion." 

Rey's eyes go wide. "But this is a  _real_ gold ring. It's worth far more than-!"

"Fine," the creature interrupts her, holding what Kylo thought was a hand up. "Quarter portion." 

Something is set off inside him, because anger surges his body forward, past Rey, ending up in front of the despicable creature. "At least give her what she deserves," he tells him menacingly. 

Plutt laughs. "Who are you, her boyfriend?"

He swallows calmly, but Rey feels his pure rage through their invisible bond. She steps forward closer to him, almost as a way to try and soothe him. But no such luck, because she feels the bloodlust running through his veins, causing anger to bubble in her chest as well. "I'm actually your Supreme Leader of the First Order," he says hauntingly, unclipping his lightsaber from his belt, dropping it onto the table. Plutt stares silently down at it, at a loss for words. "And  _she_ ," he continues, pointing at Rey behind him with a finger. "Is your Empress. And you can either give your Empress what she thinks she deserves, or I can kill you now." 

"First Order  _scum_ ," Plutt spits at him. "And naming this scavenger as _Empress_ is an insult to your government. Gifting her a title means nothing. On Jakku you earn everything and neither of you have earned it. You're nothing but a rich, greedy dictator." 

"I totally agree," he says, sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Quickly, he reaches a hand out, calling his lightsaber to him using the Force, igniting it as it enters Plutt's stomach. Rey covers her mouth in shock as Plutt's breath sputters, stopping completely as he falls to the side and to the sand. In disgust, Kylo steps out of the way, watching him fall into the fence and onto the desk with a  _thud._

Rey watches him as he turns his lightsaber off, calmly clipping it to his belt before turning back to Rey. "Take whatever you want," he tells her, holding out his hand to her. "It's yours now." 

 _You didn't have to kill him_ , she wants to say. She spent so much time ignoring the true nature of the First Order and what it spent a decade shaping him to be, choosing to only see Ben Solo, never Kylo Ren. She was fooling herself into thinking that she could change this man into something other than an Emperor because that is exactly who he is. She knows his heart, yes, but she also needs to learn his hand. "He was a monster," she settles on, stepping into the small office, taking all the rations and placing them outside of the normally locked room for the rest of the people in the outpost. "The people of Jakku will thank you." 

She takes just enough rations for them to be satisfied with, and they spend the rest of the walk back to her makeshift home in silence. They remain in silence as she makes them their food, mixing the water and powder together with her fingers. 

They bring their food outside, just like she did when she still lived her, sitting against the fallen AT-AT to watch the sunset. 

"So," he starts, breaking their silent streak, staring down at the blood staining his hands. Rey breaks his bread for him, giving a hint of a small smile as she lifts the piece of bread to his mouth. "That man, if you can even call him that, made a point." 

She dusts the crumbs on her hands off, reaching up to brush his air out of his face and tucking it behind his ear. "And what would that be?"

"You're only Empress because  _I_ said you are," he tells her, chewing. "Who's stopping anyone from challenging that? And they'd be right; you don't have any real claim to the First Order."

She's not sure what to do with that information. "I would be fine with no power at all," she tells him, rubbing his back with her hand. "I just want to be with you."

"Which brings me to my next point." He swallows, squinting his eyes as he glares out at the setting sun. She follows his line of sight. "I don't want anyone to be able to question your legitimacy. I don't want anyone to be able to question  _you_." He takes a deep breath. "Marry me." 

She jerks her head in his direction so fast, her food falls off her lap. But he doesn't budge, his eyes not daring to stray from the horizon. "What?" is all she can breathe, making sure what she heard is what he really said. It was bound to happen eventually, she figures. Their bond has ruined them for anyone else that they may meet further into their lives. She, personally, just never really figured he would ever ask, much less now. 

He turns to her, his eyes fierce and full of resolve. He meant it. "Marry me." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! A proposal! Still have no idea what name Rey will take if they ever go through with it, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there LOL. If y'all feel strongly any way (Rey Solo, formally giving Rey a Knights of Ren title, just leaving her nameless, etc.) let a girl know. 
> 
> Also, in all honesty, Phasma would be rolling in her grave if she knew a scavenger-turned-First Order Empress took her weapons. Which is exactly why I made it that way :) 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!!


	8. Sith Bondage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean... if we're being honest, this chapter is just pure smut, so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the amount of support this story has gotten so far! Comments and kudos keep me inspired, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
> 
> Chapter songs: "Touch" by Daughter, "Still Here" by Digital Daggers, "Play With Fire" by Sam Tinnesz, "Fleur Blanche" by Örsten.

Rey would be lying if she said she wasn't scared out of her mind. 

They landed on Coruscant late in the night, the planet now firmly under First Order rule. Ben offered his arm as he led her into what seemed like the tallest building on the planet, the Knights of Ren following so closely behind, Rey could practically feel their stares even through their masks. Like they were judging her; them. 

He watches her with crossed arms as she looks around the room he led them to after a discomfiting elevator ride, feeling more vulnerable than she ever has before with him, unable to meet his eyes.

The apartment he led her to was nicer than any living quarters she’s been in, including his chambers on the First Order ship. The carpets and curtains are rich in color, the furniture made of gold. She can feel his eyes burning holes into the back of her skull as her fingers brush across the surface of an end table.

“I remember one of your dreams,” he finally speaks, breaking their long streak of silence, leaning his shoulder back against a marble wall. “A conversation with my uncle. About how I have no light left in me.”He takes a breath, watching her stiffen as she realizes her dreams are no longer private. “Do you still hold that same sentiment?”

She remembers that conversation almost like it was yesterday and not a year ago. “ _Kylo Ren failed you,” she told Master Skywalker. “I won’t.”_ Rey pauses. With a small voice, she answers him. “Perhaps I’ve always had more faith in you than him.”

"You didn't answer my question," he tells her, his voice a bit stern. Finally, she looks at him. "Do you still hold that same sentiment?" He repeats.

"No, of course not." Her voice is so quiet, she barely hears it herself. "But even if I did, and you were truly lost forever... I could never lose the way I feel about you, Ben. You know that." 

He takes a sharp intake of breath, his dark eyes barely visible, the only light in the room coming from Coruscant's moons pouring through the slits in the blinds on the towering windows. "Is this what you want?"

Rey gives him a short nod. "It's what I want." 

He looks like he wants to say something more, perhaps even reach out and embrace her. But, instead, he crosses his arm beneath his cape, holding himself inward. But he shoves himself off the wall eventually, leaning down to lightly kiss her forehead. She closes her eyes and lets out a sigh that fans over his chest. "I'll come for you tomorrow," he murmurs, sparing one more glance before the heavy door slides shut behind him, leaving Rey alone in the dark. 

She doesn't realize just how scared she was until she was left alone. She has no family, no friends, and she's  _marrying_ someone. Someone the light left in her reminds her that she should probably hate. A shiver runs down her back as she makes her way to what seems to be her bed, untying and draping her cape over the back of a chair, toeing off her shoes. She pulls back the heavy covers and crawls into the foreign bed, remembering their conversation on Jakku.

 _"Why do you want to get_ married _?"_

_He doesn't answer her. Instead, he leans back onto the metal wall, staring up at the sky, the setting sun allowing the stars to begin to appear. Jakku didn't offer much, but he had to admit he could never get this sort of view on Starkiller Base._

_She stares at him. "If this is just so I could be a legitimate Empress to the First Order, we don't have to," she tells him in a soft voice. "I'll gladly give up whatever title if legitimacy is all you want out of this. I could be your mistress if that's all you wanted." She tried to joke, but it falls flat._

_"Your legitimacy is what can keep you safe," he tells the stars, rolling his head to the side to look at her. "But that's not the only reason I asked."_

_Rey tries to hide the blush that's beginning to creep up her neck. She's been with Ben almost every day for the past year, and it still shocks her that his feelings for her could be more than just simple lust. That they could be something deeper than just their Force bond._

_She looks down at her hands. She's been able to skirt by without_  actually _joining the First Order, but marriage would only place her firmly on the side of the oppressor. She would become a legitimate Empress, officially cementing her power in the Order, automatically forcing herself to oppose her friends and Leia. Even if she could eventually succeed in bringing Ben back to the light, this isn't something they could just walk away from. They'd still be the rulers of a fallen regime, and they'd still be married, and they'd still be traitors to a free world._

_"Ben..." Rey tries to begin, looking back at him, forcing herself to meet his expectant eyes. "You haven't even told me you loved me."_

_He holds her gaze, pressing his lips into a fine line, his expression almost pained. "You know how I feel about you," he murmurs, watching her bring her knees to her chest, hugging her legs to her body. She looks away from him in dejection._

_Technically, he's right. Their bond has them so intertwined, she can feel his emotions as if they're her own. Rey knows he loves her. With his whole heart, with every fiber of his being, he loves her, wholly and completely. He just can't speak it into existence._

_"That's not good enough," Rey says, shaking her head. His eyes are pleading. "Why can't you just say it?"_

_He clenches his jaw and turns away from her. She knows she's not going to get an answer. Kissing her and making love to her is one thing. Actually owning his emotions, emotions that he was always taught were bad and must be suppressed, is a totally different beast. For so long, love was not associated with passion, but rather weakness, and in turn, pain. And once he faces these emotions, he faces his own trauma for the last thirty years. He's not ready for that - he's not ready to be that vulnerable regardless of who it's with._

_She understands him. She feels his turmoil and his burdens as if they were her own, and so she drops it. "Can I ask you something?" She begins with a soft voice, careful to remove any trace of judgment or bitterness from her tone. "Something about your father?"_

_He looks out to some point in the darkness before dropping his head, looking at his hands as he nods silently._

_"Why did you kill him?"_

_He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in. And with a shaky inhale, he looks at her. "He just wouldn't let me_  go. _My mother did, and so did my Uncle... but he never did. I thought it would... cement... my place on the dark side. I thought it would get rid of this emotion and connection that I couldn't shake no matter what I did." He reaches down between his legs to grab a handful of sand, letting it slip through his fingers, taking another deep breath as he shakes his head. "All it did was make everything worse. I have no father, and everything is worse."_

 _Rey supposes, in a twisted way, it makes sense. In the few times Ben has let her into his mind,_ really  _let her in, his mental turmoil is enough to exhaust her, even in those few glimpses. She couldn't imagine living with that as long as he has. She supposes she'd do anything to be free of that pain, just like he did._

_"I wouldn't ask you to marry me unless I truly wanted you to," he says suddenly, changing the subject. He lets out a dark chuckle. "My, uh... my parents, my uncle, Snoke... I've felt like... I've never had a home." He clenches his jaw as he looks at her, dull fire reflecting from his irises. If she didn't know better, she'd think there are tears in his eyes. "You are my home. I believe that."_

_That was all she needed. Leaning in, he meets her halfway, brushing her lips against his slowly. Gently, he reaches a hand up to cup her cheek, his touch featherlight. "I will cherish you," he tells her when she pulls away, his voice strong and full of determination. "I promise you, Rey."_

_"Yes," she breathes into him, closing her eyes for another kiss. "I'll marry you."_

Rey throws the covers from her body with a huff, sitting up. She didn't want to be separated from him especially as she slept, regardless of what some ancient, traditional marriage rule said. Disregarding her shoes and cape completely, she exits her apartment, stepping into the hall. She isn't sure where exactly he is, but those little red strings of fate that connect her heart to his lead her down the corridor before stopping at a doorway. The door slides open and she steps forward into the darkness, allowing her heart to lead her to him. 

He's already asleep, she notes, when she slides under the duvet next to him. But he begins to stir, pulling her back into his chest with a grunt, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind, holding her in a tight grip. He lets out a deep breath, kissing her on the shoulder. 

"Can't sleep?" He murmurs, barely awake. 

Rey settles into his chest, reaching up to grab his wrist comfortingly. He was warm. "It's not that," she whispers, afraid to wake the night. "I just wanted to be with you." 

He hums into her hair in response, quickly falling back asleep.

This is all she needs, she realizes. This is all she ever  _will_ need. Not the First Order, or the power that comes with it, or even the Force. All she needs is his embrace and his heart and his love. She hopes this is what the afterlife in the Force is like, because this is her own personal heaven. Her own euphoria. 

She's at peace.

* * *

Rey is awoken by the curtains on the tall windows being thrown open, sunlight briefly blinding her. Squinting, she looks up, gathering the duvet around her chest when she realizes it's Alte, along with ten other First Order officers in the room.

"Any reason why you aren't in  _your_ bed?" Alte teases, crossing her arms as she looks down at Rey. Rey rolls her eyes, dropping her head back into the pillow. Ben is no longer beside her, probably somewhere else meditating. Her fingers brush over his side of the mattress, noting it's still warm from his body. She longs to be with him. "You aren't supposed to be with the groom twenty-four hours before the wedding, we went over this."

Rey rolls her eyes again. "Don't tell me you  _actually_ believe in such superstitions," she tells her friend, sitting up in the fluffy bed. Glancing around the room, she gets a better look at everyone and what they're doing. They're not so much First Order officers, but hairdressers. Designers. Makeup artists. Anxiety weighs on her chest as someone ushers her out of bed and pushes her into the scalding fresher. 

She tries her best to sit still as people pull and prod at her, shoving beads and jewels into her hair, forcing herself to not flinch as they dab color on her cheeks and brush goo onto her eyelashes. It takes three people to get her into her dress, gasping as the corset pulls her already tiny waist even tinier, quickly followed by a heavy cloak covering her shoulders. 

When she's finally allowed to look at herself in the mirror, she doesn't even recognize herself. Her skin looks flawless, her face covered in makeup that hides her freckles and any other imperfection that may be present on her skin. Her lips are dark and the makeup on her eyes looks like the most beautiful kind of smoke imaginable. Rubies and strands of gold fill her curled hair, cascading over her shoulders and down her arms. Her dress is the darkest shade of black she's ever seen, gold bands as necklaces stacking all the way to her chin. Her cape is heavy and expensive, the inside a striking a red, the outside covered in a gold pattern. She looked like herself, but better. An edgier version of herself. A  _sexier_ version of herself. In a way, she liked it. She hoped Ben would, too.

Rey breathes. "I look like..."

"Like an empress," Alte finishes, lifting a golden tiara fitted with rubies and diamonds onto her head. It was heavy and cold but it fit like a glove. She turns slightly, checking out her profile, butterflies beginning to form in her stomach. If she looked this good, she wonders how Ben will turn out. Her heart jumps at the mere thought of him in whatever the traditional dress the First Order may have for such events.

"It's time," says someone she doesn't recognize, beginning to usher everyone out of the room. 

"Try not to move toomuch," Alte tells her as they begin to walk from the room and into the hallway, going to what she assumes is the ceremony. "The gold detail on your cloak wrinkles terribly, and it would be a shame if all the money put into it went to waste so quickly."

"A bit much to only wear one time," Rey murmurs, trying to not feel complete disgust at the total disregard of money. People were starving because of the ravages of war, and the First Order was busy making cloaks.

A member of the First Order pushes open an decorative door that ultimately leads out onto a balcony. The man allows Rey to pass through the doorway and she spots Ben, his back to her, gazing over the ledge at the buildings below. Rey doesn't realize that it truly took  _that_ long for her to dress because the sun has set, stars lighting up the busy sky. The door closes behind her, leaving her alone with Ben and someone who looks to be ordained. 

Rey holds her breath as she watches Ben sense her presence, unable to hide a breathless smile as he takes her in, and she him. And she was right, he did look different. His hair was slicked back and away from his face like it was when they first met in the interrogation room. The collar of his tunic is decorated in gold, the same gold that's on Rey's cape. A crown sits atop his head, slightly larger than Rey's. He looks regal, and Rey can't help the blush that spreads across her cheeks as she watches his eyes grow hungry. 

She wants to say something, but the scene is so quiet she's afraid to speak out of turn. He holds a hand out to her, exposing the red beneath his cloak that matches her. She takes it, an electric current shooting up her arm as their fingers touch. She knows he feels it too but his face gives little away, stealing one last look at her before turning towards the man standing in front of them. 

The man begins to say something in a language Rey doesn't understand. She squeezes Ben's fingers and his own grip matches her pressure, warmth spreading throughout her body. She shivers, and although she doesn't understand the words, something that's parallel to pleasure and perpendicular to power begins to flow through her. 

The man reaches behind him and pulls a single blade from his robes, a blade no larger than a kitchen knife, no thicker than a needle. Ben reaches for Rey's other hand and turns her to face him, but not before she catches the emblem engraved on the handle of the blade. Her blood runs cold when she recognizes the emblem is the Galactic Empire's symbol, her eyes darting to Ben.  _This is a sith wedding_. 

 _This_ _isn't what you think_ , he thinks, pushing the thought into her head. And she would normally question this, but she trusts him, and so the ceremony continues on. 

" _Tout de moi pour tout de toi,"_ Ben articulates, and  _that_ she knows.  _All of me for all of you._ He releases her hands, reaching to take the dagger from the man in front of them. He closes his left fist around the blade before sharply pulling the dagger down. He barely winces as the blade cuts through skin, blood beginning to trickle from the cut on his palm. Wordlessly, Ben passes the blad back to the man, who passes it to Rey, her heart rate quickening. Normally, she'd be scared out of her mind, but Ben did it so nonchalantly...

Quickly, she follows his suit, gasping as pain radiates from her left hand.  _"Tout de moi pour tout de toi,"_ she breathes, repeating Ben's vows. 

"Hold your hand upward," the man tells Ben, taking the blade from Rey and discarding it. "And your hand on his," he instructs Rey. Pausing briefly, Rey takes a breath before sliding her fingers across his, shivering when their palms meet. The feeling she got earlier surges through her once more, unable to look away from Ben's dark gaze. The man officiating the wedding begins speaking again in the language she doesn't understand, and her hand begins to burn. One look into Ben's eyes makes her realize he feels the sensation too, but she doesn't dare look at their intertwined hands. 

"Until death," Ben says, most likely repeating what the man finished saying. 

Rey can't help the ghost of a smile form on her face. "Until death."

Suddenly, the pain in her hand ceases. She breaks their embrace, looking down at her left palm, only to realize the cut is completely gone. But there's now what looks like a burn in the shape of a ring around her ring finger as if something was seared into her skin. It hits her. This is forever.

The man bows at the two of them, saying something in his language before departing, leaving them alone together. 

She's the first one to break the silence. "So," she begins teasingly, holding up her hand in front of them. "Is this supposed to be a substitute for a ring?" 

He grins at her. "I can get you a real one if you'd like." 

"Hmm, no," she says, eying the ring around her finger. It's dark red, the color that would match her blood. She glances at his hand, noticing the same ring around his matching finger. It doesn't feel like a burn nor a tattoo. The color of her skin changed, the ring etched into her finger forever. "I quite like it. Nothing says forever like a sith wedding, I suppose."  

Ben blanches. "I didn't- I don't want you to think that just because this ceremony is the same ceremony used back in the Galactic Empire means that we're suddenly part of the Sith, it's just that no one in the First Order knows anything else. It's simply a formality - we don't have to actually honor it."

Rey raises an eyebrow at his words. She would hope he'd honor their marriage. "Honor it?" 

"Uphold the traditions," he elaborates for her, watching her closely. "Live by the Sith code." 

She blinks. "Oh." 

Their conversation falls dead. She'd be lying if she said she never thought about it. The Dark Side. The Sith. Ben wasn't one but he _lived_ like one, using his anger to his advantage, indulging in his passions whenever he saw fit. Plus, the Jedi code was extensive, and it hinders on the ability to hold one's emotions in. She was never really good at that, even before she ever found out she was Force-sensitive. Not to mention, romantic relationships were never exactly  _allowed_. She's now married. To the Supreme Leader of the First Order, no less. 

And truly, were the Sith even that bad? The Empire was. The First Order currently is, perhaps worse. Ben is considered to be on the Dark Side of the Force and she'd still consider him a decent man. Honorable, even. Would it really be that big of a deal to simply allow herself to use her pleasure and her passion and her anger to her advantage? 

She's pulled out of her thoughts when his thumb goes to brush at her cheek. "Relax," he tells her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Rey holds him close. "How did you know?" 

"Your thoughts are screaming." 

Her cheeks flame into a blush as she pulls him down to kiss her, and she quickly realizes as he kisses her back that it's their first kiss as husband and wife. The Force must sense the change in status as well because sensations and connections run deeper. Her fingertips are electrified as she grips her cape, her knees practically giving out as an arm winds around her waist, the other going to her cheek. 

She's charmed that his eyes stay shut a beat longer than hers when they part, shuddering as his fiery eyes meet hers. "Ben... What if I wanted to uphold the traditions of our marriage?" She asks, gauging his reaction. "If I  _wanted_ to live by the Sith code?" 

The concern on his face is all the evidence needed for his feelings on the matter, but his thoughts were already yelling at her before he even opened his mouth to respond. "Why would you even speak that into existence? You're not a Sith, Rey." 

She forces herself to hold eye contact. "But I could be. You trained me to choose my side. Sith live by passion and emotion-"

"And anger and hatred," he finishes for her, his eyes hard. "Do you know how easy it is to lose yourself in that? To become nothing but a hollow monster?"

"I wouldn't know," she answers him, perhaps a bit ignorantly. " _How_ easy is it?" 

He opens his mouth and then closes it, frowning at her. "Embarrassingly easy. And every day, I feel the worst type of regret for the choices I've made. Regret, and anger, and hatred. You lose everyone and everything. You don't need to live with that. I won't let you."

"You haven't lost _me_ ," she points out, and he raises an eyebrow. Rey raises a hand to his cheek. "And that feeling you get when we kiss? When we touch? That's  _love_. You can  _love,_ Ben." 

He grabs her wrists and pulls her hands from his face, a bit rougher than she's used to. "And I can't  _admit_ that to you. I will never be able to. Don't you get that?"

"But am I wrong?" She challenges, not allowing him to turn away from this. "Sith can love. It's been done before. Darth Malgus and Eleena Daru. Darth Bane and Githany. And Anakin Skywalker loved Padmé Amidala more than anything, that's basic Galactic history." 

"And my mother never forgave him for it," he shot back. "He lost his wife and his family and he died for something that could have been easily prevented if he stayed with the Jedi. Eleena was nothing but a slave who Darth Malgus _killed_ because his emotions weakened him, and Githany was always in the same predicament I'm in." 

Rey looks at him incredulously as he walks to the balcony, placing his hands on the stone railing, looking down below on the city, unable to listen to any of his words after the word 'Jedi.' "The Jedi were controlling and oppressive and didn't even listen to Anakin's serious concerns about his wife." She pauses. "Are you actually defending the Jedi, of all things right now?" 

His shoulders slump. "Why do you want this?" He lifts his head to look at her step up beside him, his eyes conflicted. "Why does this suddenly interest you so much?" 

"I want to be with you," she tells him simply, reaching out to place her hand next to his on the railing, almost touching. He twists his pinky to wrap around hers. Rey's cheeks flush. "Mind, body, and soul, I want to be with you. I don't want to be on opposite sides of a war. I don't want to be on opposite sides of the _Force._ I want to be your _wife_ , Ben Solo. Empress Ben Solo. Let me be your wife." 

He takes her fingers in his, his thumb brushing across her palm before raising it to his mouth, kissing the top of her hand. "Empress Ben Solo," he muses against her skin, his eyes closed. "My  _wife._ " 

Rey can't help the shudder that runs through her at the way 'wife' rolls easily off his tongue. It was like the word was made to be spoken with his velvety voice. "Will you let me be your wife?"

His eyes open to her words, and instantly she knows the answer to her question. She feels the line in the Force begin to dissipate, the stark contrast between light and dark turning gray, blending together, definitions of 'good' and 'bad' growing murky. As he glances at her lips, she realizes that it doesn't matter what side of the Force they're on. Dark or light or good or bad or Jedi or Sith... as long as they were on that side  _together,_ nothing else mattered to her. With a love like this, nothing ever  _could_ matter. 

When he pulls her into a kiss, she realizes tonight was the first time he referred to himself as Ben. 

* * *

Rey is the first to enter the room, the room that was originally hers when they landed on Corscuant, moving to hang her cape on the hook by the door, careful to not wrinkle the gold design. She has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling when she feels the mood in the room shift. She feels his touch on her before his hands even graze her hips, shuddering in his grip. Rey's eyes begin to close as Ben sweeps her hair over her shoulder and brings his lips to the back of her neck, kissing her. 

"You're so incredibly breathtaking," he breathes against her skin, causing a blush to flame her cheeks. He doesn't waste any time reaching for the clasps of her dress, dropping the heavy beading from her shoulders and pushing it down her hips, letting it pool at her feet. Rey holds her breath as his hands work her body, gasping as his fingers brush between her legs, nothing but a lacy piece of fabric separating his hand from where she really wants it. 

She turns in his hold, facing him, her hands finding refuge on his arms. "That dress was probably expensive," she murmurs with a slight smirk, trying her best not to falter as a thumb hooks into the band of her underwear, sliding the flimsy material down her thighs. 

"I'll get you another one," he says passively, already breathing deeply. With a finger under her chin, he leans down and kisses her, a hungry growl threatening the back of his throat. Her hands fisted in his cape, forcing herself to stay grounded and not jump his bones just yet. He kisses her again, and this time she opens her mouth, sighing into him as he deepens the kiss. 

Rey reaches up to push the heavy cape from his shoulders, quick to wrap her arms around his back, pulling him down level with her. His hands grip her waist, surging forward in their kiss, bending her backward as she pulls him with her. Their crowns topple from their heads, clattering to the marble floor with clangs that go unnoticed by their owners. Rey simply giggles, dipping her thumb under the collar of his tunic, exposing his hot skin to her touch. 

"It doesn't quite seem fair that I'm naked and you're not in the slightest," she tells him when they finally come up for air, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck. Instantly, as if her words stirred a direct reaction, he reaches behind him to grab at the neckline, pulling his tunic up and over his head, letting it join her dress on the floor. 

Her hands go to his bare sides as she eyes the scar - the scar she gave him - running from his cheek to his chest. "I'm sorry," she whispers, realizing they never actually addressed it before now. She reaches to touch it, her fingers skimming his neck. Ben shudders slightly at her touch.

"I'm not," he says. "I was insufferable. I deserved it." 

She allows the corners of her mouth to tick upward because, hey, he probably did. "Will you allow me to repay you, Supreme Leader?" 

An eyebrow raises, and her soft smile turns into a full grin. She piqued his interest. "What do you have in mind?" 

Rey doesn't answer him. Instead, she pushes herself onto her tip-toes, allowing for him to meet her halfway as she kisses him again. It's slow and agonizing, and it's taking everything in her to not climb him and straddle him. Ben's hands go to her hair when her lips leave his and travel to his neck, biting at the skin, soothing it with her tongue. Her mouth goes lower and lower, and he clenches his muscles when she kisses the spot just below his navel. He blinks his vision into focus as he looks down at her and watches her sink to her knees, forcing himself to take a deep inhale of breath to keep himself upright. 

She's a giddy schoolgirl as her fingers curl around the waistband of his trousers. She glances up at him, a silent way of asking permission. He holds his breath as their eyes lock, his thoughts screaming at her, begging her to continue. 

With a deep breath, she pulls the fabric down, smiling with utter satisfaction as the man above her lets out a hiss. His hand goes to the base of his shaft but she swats it away, replacing it with her own. "Just relax," she tells him, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. With a deep sigh, he looks up at the ceiling and blinks, giving Rey a view that made her realize this is as close to heaven as she'll ever get. The hands in her hair tighten, ever-so-slightly pushing her forward. Her free hand goes to his hip and she forces herself to relax her throat, taking him in her mouth.

This isn't the first time she's done this. The first time was after a gala, high on whatever liquid she was served throughout the night, rendering her already low inhibitions practically nonexistent. It became a habit of hers, her mouth serving as a resource for him to blow off steam after particularly infuriating meetings with General Hux, or something they could both find pleasure in once training sessions turned into something more. 

Ben groans as he tightens his grip on her hair, a noise somewhere between a moan and a hiss as Rey begins to set a rhythm. Her throat relaxes and she takes more of him, fighting against the need to gag. His fingers twitch in her hair and his knees buckle, forcing him to concentrate on holding himself up as Rey hollows her cheeks. 

 _"Fuck,"_ he gasps, almost finishing then and there as he sinks down her throat. He fights against the urge to thrust his hips forward, the need to fuck her mouth growing in his chest, clouding his thoughts. 

Rey pulls back, her tongue darting out to press against a vein, licking the length of it. His stomach clenches dangerously. 

"I can't-" he pants, cutting himself off with a swallow as she returns to bobbing her head. "Rey, if you don't stop, I'll-"

She removes her mouth from him, glancing up, the faintest of smiles gracing her swollen lips, her cheeks flushed.  "And that would be a bad thing?"

"I just..." He tries his hardest to ground himself, burying the urge to pull her back to him by her hair, finding it increasingly hard to articulate words. "Not there. Not there." 

Rey seems to understand because she picks herself up from the ground, every single end of her nerves buzzing with anticipation as she makes her way toward the bed. Ben isn't far behind, his hands circling her hips, pressing her face down into the bedding. She tilts her head to the side to watch him, shivering as his hand dives between her legs. Her eyes close and her toes curl as his palm puts pressure on her clit, his fingers already dripping with her desire. He always had the power to turn her into a wrecked mess, and he barely even touched her. 

"Oh, Force," she sighs, melting into the bed as he pushes into her from behind, his fingers staying firm on her clit. Her hands grasp at what feels like silk sheets, wanting nothing more than for him to have his way with her. She was usually so strong-willed, one to always take control, but tonight she was pliant. Practically putty in his fingers. He begins to thrust, circling his fingers on her core, his other hand latching onto her hip for leverage. She's already so close, her stomach clenching with white-hot desire, but she takes as deep of a breath as she could, forcing herself to ride this wave of pleasure as long as she can before falling over the edge. 

Eventually, she can't help the way her hips rock to meet his thrusts, eliciting soft whimpers from her lips. She was so turned on, so lost in his touch, the building could turn to rubble around them and she'd barely notice. His fingers bear down on her clit and that's all it takes, her eyes flying open, her thighs trembling below her. "Ben," she cries out, her voice breaking as she buries her face in the bed, unable to keep still. "Oh, Ben." 

With a shaky breath, his chest clenches and he sighs out of relief, as if he was waiting for her to finish before he did. He follows suit quickly, muttering low curses, his fingers bruising her hipbone. He holds her hips to his with needy fingers, her eyes practically rolling to the back of her head at the sensation.

They've done this so many times before, Rey's lost count. It has always been passionate and breathless, but never quite like  _this._ The Force was practically praising them for their union, pushing them closer to each other than ever before. The strings of fate connecting them are pulled so tight, if his hands ever leave her skin, she'd surely stop breathing. 

Her skin is on fire as the hands on her hips turn her around to face him, leaning down to capture her lips in a searing kiss. She doesn't pull back the moan forming deep in her throat, muffled by his mouth as his tongue brushes hers. But Rey is greedy and she stands on her toes, wrapping her arms tight around his neck and pulling him down to her level, a satisfied sigh bubbling from her chest. His hands move from her hips to her back to her ass, lifting her with a sort of groan, placing her on the bed once more. 

Rey's eyes close once more as her hands slide up his neck from his shoulders to his hair, grasping at the dark strands, her body sinking into his touch as he climbs over her. Her skin is on fire but she shivers when his lips burn her neck, kissing down to between her breasts. Thin fingers to his ass, trying to pull him down to her, but both her hands are suddenly removed from him, her wrists pressed into the mattress above her by an incredibly strong force, stretching her out for him.

"Wha-?" She tries to yank on the invisible grip, but it only grows stronger, iron fetters tightening on her skin. She doesn't put two and two together until she glances up at him holding his body above hers, trying his best to hide his smirk as his hands work their way up her thighs. "This is so not fair," she huffs, breathless. "You know I'm not strong enough to fight this yet."

"Hmm," he murmurs, dropping his mouth to her stomach. "That's too bad. If only you focus," he continues, barely brushing his fingers against her core, causing her to jerk, effectively ending whatever focus she was beginning to gain. "Perhaps you could." 

Rey lets out an airy whine, arching her back as he kisses just below her left breast. "But I want to touch you." 

He glances up at her then, his breath fanning over sweaty skin, raising goosebumps. She shivers, both from the sensation and the way he's looking at her. She can't see much in the dimly lit room, but she can see his eyes, dark and narrow, like he's a predator and she's his prey. "Patience is a virtue," he tells her, sinking lower to kiss the joint between her thigh and hip.

She begins to laugh, but his teeth nipping the skin on her hip bone turns that laugh into a moan. "Virtue? I think by now, neither of us have that." 

Ben lets out a deep chuckle of his own before he covers her core with his mouth. Instinctually, she wants nothing more than to grasp onto his hair, but  _damn him_ , and damn these stupid Force-hold handcuffs.

She curses, pulling on the iron-tight hold again, letting out another whine.

 _"Ben,"_ she cries, trying her best to steady her heart when his tongue enters her, threatening to beat out of her chest. "Ben,  _fuck_ , please let me touch you." 

He chooses to ignore her, grabbing her leg, throwing it over his shoulder to get a better angle. His hand goes to grip her thigh, holding her in place, the other moving to her clit. He presses down before matching pace with his tongue, and she jerks in his grasp, letting out another cry. Her free leg moves about, digging her heel into his back, unable to keep still. If she can't move her arms she has to move  _something_ , and so her thighs involuntarily trap his head between soft skin.

He seems to quickly grow tired of her thrashing about, because soon her whole body is as heavy as stone sinking to the bottom of a lake, unable to move. She can only raise her head, watching him with crazed eyes push her thighs further apart, pushing his tongue deeper inside her. His fingers on her clit gain speed, and Rey can do nothing but watch, overstimulated tears forming in her eyes. She again tries to force herself to yank on his hold, but he doesn't cut her any slack.

A desperate tear leaks from her eye and  _god_ she's a mess. A sobbing, desperate mess. She's never been so turned on in her life, and  _why the hell haven't they done this before?_ _!_

"Fuck you, Ben Solo," she breathes out between moans, throwing her head back into the fluffy pillows, squeezing her eyes shut, pressing her forehead into her arm. She can  _feel_ his smile against her, and when he flattens his tongue and replaces his fingers on her clit with his mouth, she's gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

"Ohmygod," she breathes out, every muscle in her frozen body clenching so tight she might faint. But the hold on her suddenly vanishes, and her hands shoot down, latching onto his hair, grinding her hips down on his tongue. She arches her back and throws her head back into the covers, pulling on his hair so tight she's almost afraid she'll rip the strands out. Her orgasm finishes in waves, her hips slowing before they come to a top, body slack.

Ben finally raises his head from between her thighs, a cocky smirk on his wet lips. She can't help but flash a smile of her own as she looks down at him, a surprising tremor rocking through her body in the aftermath of her orgasm, followed by another. 

"Aren't you glad I didn't train you well enough to fight against that?" He asks her, his smirk growing to a grin, his voice husky and deep. 

A blush fans her cheeks, and she reaches down to grab his shoulders, pulling him to her level, rolling them over on the bed. Her knees fall to either side of his legs, hands running up his biceps. "Shut up," she tells him, dipping down to kiss him. 

She takes her time with him, her lips slow, her movements deliberate. She wants to savor this, but Ben grows impatient, grabbing fistfuls of her ass, pressing her hips into his. Hot desire brews within her once more, her head swimming as his tongue enters her mouth. Her thighs are spent and on fire, screaming at her as she balances herself on top of him, but her libido only seems to grow. Was it their bond that made her this way? Their union? 

Finally, the need is too great, and she rolls her hips against his, sighing as her core brushes against his erection. He breaks their kiss to let out a groan, reaching down with a fevered hand, helping her sink down onto him. She moans into his mouth as he thrusts up, filling her completely, fitting her like a glove. 

She feels lightheaded, and she sucks in a desperate breath as he releases her lips to taste the column of her throat. "Ben," she gasps out, pushing her hair from her eyes, digging her fingernails into his shoulder as she squeezes her eyes shut. " _Oh,_ Ben." 

He raises a knee behind her to gain more traction, and she sits up to balance herself, using his thigh as leverage to meet his thrusts with every roll of her hips. A hand slides around to grip her waist, squeezing her in his grasp tight enough to bruise. 

Rey finally opens her eyes to look down on him between her thighs, his muscles clenching under her, his pale skin slick with sweat. His eyes are closed just like hers were, his head thrown back, his hair sticking to his forehead. His cheeks were flushed, a bright shade of red growing across his chest and arms, right where she gripped him with her fingernails. "Fuck," he huffs out a curse, hypnotizing Rey with the dip of his Adam's apple as he swallows thickly. 

Suddenly, it's not enough for her. "Closer," she breathes out, grasping at his shoulders, trying to quicken the circle of her hips. "Closer." 

He seems to know what she means because his eyes open and he makes a move to sit up, his arm going around her waist tightly, the other moving behind him to keep balance on the bed. Rey throws her arms around his neck, burying her face in his hot neck, letting out a shuddering whimper as he bites down on her shoulder.

"Ben," she suddenly gasps out, lifting her head from his neck, shuddering as he hits the perfect spot _just right._  "Don't stop, oh my _god._ " 

A shaky hand reaches up to wipe the sweat from her forehead, the other digging into his chest, her nails catching skin. She watches his eyes squeeze shut and the muscles in his neck strain, the hand on her hip tightening. They physically can't get any closer but she tries anyway, pressing against him so tightly she can't breathe.

She thinks she understands it, finally. Why the dark side gives into their passions so frequently. She's relishing in it, bliss washing over her as she rocks her hips against his. Rey throws her head back in pleasure when the hand that was behind him reaches forward to her stomach, running up taunt skin before settling on her throat. He tightens his grip on her airways, causing her to lift her head to avoid coughing. A breathless giggle escapes her, opening her eyes when his thumb brushes against swollen lips. He's met with a haunting golden gaze, but as soon as it came it's gone with a blink, gilded eyes fading quickly to their usual brown. 

He's seen those eyes before. In paintings of Emperor Palpatine. In dreams when his grandfather visits him as Darth Vader instead of Anakin Skywalker. Even in his master Snoke, before he learned to control it. For so long, the color belonged rightfully to the Sith. The rational side of him, Ben Solo, told him to stop, that Rey was speeding towards a point of no return. But Kylo Ren told him that if she wants to lose herself in the Force, then he will too. They'll take the jump together. By the way she's rolling her hips and leaning down to press her teeth into his chest, it's easy to figure which side of him won out. With a grunt, he shifts them, a forceful hand reaching up to her shoulder, pushing her onto her back on the bedding and pinning her down, perhaps rougher than he normally would have. 

This is different than it usually is. This is darkness. This is  _supposed_ to be wrong. She spent so much time bringing him back from the edge, but they're suddenly throwing the other off the cliff, catapulting themselves to where they were when they first met. Maybe even worse. Untamed and angry and passionate and emotional. But the power it gives her swirls around her, and maybe this is why Ben is so hesitant about giving the Supreme Leader title up. The control it gives her is overwhelming her in the most desirable way possible, and the rational side she spent so much time crafting is practically gone.  

She shivers when he pulls her mouth to his, the pads of his fingers digging into her cheek. She groans into his mouth, throwing a hand around his shoulders, holding onto him like a lifeline. Rey arches into him, allowing for a forearm to snake beneath her, his grip on her as tight as she imagined it could get. She was breathless and lightheaded, but did that really matter? She didn't give a damn if he was hurting her because  _wasn't_ hurting her. Or, at least, it didn't translate into pain. Only pleasure. All she felt is pleasure. Nothing else existed, at least not now.

She doesn't truly lose it until a hand forces its way between them, his fingers quickly going to work on her core. "Shit," she moans, lips falling from his. Only he won't let them, his free hand pulling her mouth back to his with a deep growl from the back of his throat. She can't breathe as he kisses her, and he doesn't let her go until she's gasping for air beneath him. His mouth only moves to her neck, sucking on her skin hard. Briefly, as he marks her dark skin, she wonders who the man is above her. Ben was typically at least somewhat controlling in bed, but not this...  _dominant_. It was a change of pace. A good change of pace. Her desire to please him was only heightened, her need for him escalated further than she ever knew it could go. And she absolutely relished in it.

The Force is working alongside them it seems, his touch covering every fucking inch of her skin. She needs him so badly she might combust, even if he's already giving her all of him. His tongue is down her throat and his touch is dangerously bruising but she needs  _more_. She growls against his lips, nails digging into his back, reopening wounds that barely begun to heal. He curses into her mouth, moaning out her name like a prayer. Over and over, he calls her name, against her mouth, her ear, her neck, her breasts. He makes it sound like the sexiest word in the world.

The room had long since become humid and warm with their actions, remind her of her home on Jakku. She was used to the desert heat but he was not, his movements a bit more rough, his thoughts a bit less restrained. The heat was drugging him, causing his addiction for her to only grow. The urge to do whatever the hell he wanted with her was gnawing at him, her breath in his face making him drunk. His hair is stuck to his forehead and temples, careless of his appearance as he dives in to kiss Rey's mouth once more. She welcomes his lips eagerly, cupping his jaw as they exchange a dirty kiss. 

Eventually, somehow, they finish each other off. The sound he lets out is more pain than pleasure, and she's so overstimulated she sheds real tears for the second time tonight that he's quick to wipe away. She's unable to catch her breath as he drops his weight on top of her. His hand stays latched onto her hip as he kisses her sweaty shoulder, breathing her in with a sharp inhale. Eventually, he finds the energy to prop himself up on his elbows, nudging her nose with his as she takes a deep breath in.

She rolls onto her stomach, her tanned cheeks practically red with exertion. He falls next to her onto his back, his eyes black with desire as they blink at her. Wordlessly, they stare at each other, their gasps the only noise in her cramped and weathered living space. With effort, she pushes herself up, the muscles in her arms screaming at her as she moves to him. Instantly, his hands go to her hair, tangled and damp, much longer than she usually allows it to get. He's spent but his grip is not, a free arm moving to wrap around her hip, holding her to him as he stretches his neck to kiss her. It reignites that need deep within her, and her sudden jolt of adrenaline causes her to grin against her lips.

"Let's just stay here," she pants against his lips. He chuckles under her, his chest vibrating against hers, making her smile only grow. "In this bed, in this apartment. Forever. You know you want to, Supreme Leader." 

The hand in her hair pulls her back, forcing her lips off of his. His gaze is wild and hazy as if a layer of smoke clouded his vision. "Fuck our responsibilities, right?" He asks breathlessly, sarcasm sticking to his words like the sweat on her body. 

"Or each other." Rey dips her head down, pressing her tongue against the base of his throat, moving it up in time with his heartbeat vibrating in his jugular. He shudders beneath her, tightening the grip in her hair to ease her off. When she looks down at him, the faintest of smiles play on his lips, an eyebrow raised at her.

"We can't stay here, Rey," he tells her, Kylo Ren within him fading, the more responsible Ben appearing.

She pouts at him. "Why not?"

"Because it's too fucking  _hot_." 

As if on cue, she reaches a hand to her forehead, wiping at the sweat before shaking it from her hand. Her wet hair sticks to her back, but that doesn't stop his lazy fingers trailing up and down her spine. Rey rests her chin on her hand on his chest, blinking up at him. "I thought you liked it hot." 

He chuckles again. "I like  _you_ hot. I prefer colder rooms, colder planets." 

"Ugh," She complains, turning to press her cheek to his strong chest. "I can still feel the frostbite in my fingers from Starkiller Base."

"Should have brought a cloak."

Rey lifts her head to look at him incredulously. "I'm sorry, I must've forgotten to grab it before I was  _kidnapped_  by you."

"You should be thanking me, really. Takodana is a horrendous planet anyway," he says passively, focusing his touch on her back. 

She drapes an arm around his abdomen, settling in on his chest. "You were there all of five minutes. How would you know?"

His chest rises and then falls with a deep breath, taking Rey with it. "My, uh- my  _father_  and Maz are...  _were_  good friends. We would go there a lot." He pauses. "I always hated the weather. The sun never sets and the bugs are disgusting. I despised going there." 

She's silent while she listens to him, talking about his past life. When she met him, it was hard to see past the metal mask and the facade that was Kylo Ren. Now, the more he opened up to her, the more she fell in love with him. The stories of his past life fit into her memory like puzzle pieces, transforming him from a monster to a man. Rey traces hearts on his chest with her finger, her touch momentarily taking him elsewhere. 

"My mom hated it too," he suddenly says, blurting the words out as if he wouldn't say them at all if he waited another second. "If there was one thing we could agree on, it was our hatred for the bugs on Takodana." 

"At least that's something," Rey muses, pressing her palm into his chest, wiping the imaginary hearts away. "Do you think you'll ever see her again?"

He suddenly tenses under her, and she realizes she'd gone too far with her prodding. She lifts her head from his chest, looking down at him, reaching to brush the wet hair from his forehead and his eyes. 

"I, uh," he starts, his tone almost awkward, unable to meet her eyes. His fingers grip her hips tightly, then release them, trying to form the right words. "I can't," he suddenly settles on an answer, glancing back at her. His eyes are now guarded, steel behind his dark irises, disgust rising in his throat as he speaks. "She's a criminal. The Resistance and the like are nothing but criminals. Criminals against the First Order, against me." 

Rey feels herself soften, trying her best to reel him back in. "We don't have to talk about it," she murmurs, deciding not to push him further. Instead, she leans into him, pressing her lips to his softly. But when she begins to pull away, he holds her to him, a hand reaching up to grip her neck. She allows him to hold her in place and deepen the kiss. _If he didn't want to talk,_ she thinks as he rolls them over, putting her on her back under him. _Perhaps they could do something else._

As soon as his hand slithers between her thighs and her head tilts back, the doors to their apartment burst open. They scramble for the covers beneath them, finding anything to cover their naked bodies. In walks General Hux, an expression between smug and absolute disgust playing on his face. 

"How dare you?" Ben barks through clenched teeth, caring more for Rey's modesty than his own. "This planet better be on fire. If this is anything but, I'm hanging you by your toes for everyone to see." 

General Hux sighs. "Trust me, Supreme Leader. This embarrasses me as much as you. But we found the last of the Resistance traveling through the outer rim. We are tracking their coordinates now and will do our best to intercept their path. We must leave at once in order to destroy them once and for all."

Rey looks at the man beside her, her embarrassment all but forgotten. Ben allowed her to save what's left of the Resistance before, back on Crait. Surely he'd let her do it again?

But the man next to her now is not the man from ten minutes ago. His jaw is set, fire ablaze behind his eyes. Her heart sinks like a rock in her chest, realizing this isn't Ben Solo at all. This is Kylo Ren once more, the fury and resentment from their conversation just seconds earlier coming off of him in waves.

"Get my transport ready," he tells the General, clenching his teeth together. "We're ending the Resistance once and for all." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know that translation from French isn't exact but I just wanted the saying to be "all of me for all of you" lol so just pretend like that's what they said and it'll all be okay thanks :)
> 
> P.S. Also, someone messaged me and asked why I include songs at the beginning of my chapters, and it's because those are the songs I listen to while writing the chapter. So for example, while writing their wedding scene, I listened to "Still Here" by Digital Daggers.
> 
> P.P.S. I'm starting school again very soon. I know I haven't been the best with updating in a timely manner, but I wanted you all to know I'm not going to quit this story, and we're finishing this thing until the end!


	9. A Coward's Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs: "Castle" by Halsey.

"Kylo Ren," Rey calls out to him, trying her best to keep up with his long strides. "Kylo Ren,  _wait!"_

"If the intelligence is right, we need to strike now," he says to the officer beside him, ignoring Rey completely. The man matched his steps to the Supreme leader's, nodding at his words. "I want everyone available on this mission. Do not leave anyone without a job. This ends now." 

"Yes sir," the officer says, bowing his head before turning down a hall. They were back on the First Order ship, and Rey's head is spinning, trying to understand what's even happening. The last few hours have been a blur, from being thrown out of bed by General Hux until now. Everything was jumbled in her head, and she was having trouble trying to keep up with the erratic man in front of her.

"Kylo Ren," she tries again, this time physically reaching for him. He whirls on her as if he forgot she was even there when he feels a hand wrap around his arm, his expression hard as stone, softening only slightly at the sight of her. "What are you doing?"

"Ending the Resistance," he tells her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Finally, I can finish was the Empire couldn't. The whole galaxy will be under First Order rule.  _Our_ rule." 

She watches him, instinctively stepping closer to him when a group of armed officers hurries past them, probably already briefed on Ben's plan. "What happened to a monarchy?" she asks, glancing up at him from under her black cloak. Now that it was official, a petite crown sat atop her messy hair, still somewhat curled from the wedding. It was slightly less gaudy than the one she wore at the wedding, but it was hard to miss the rubies installed in the golden curves. 

He reaches up and waves his hand as if he's pushing her words away. "That was nothing more than a fevered fantasy dreamt up on Naboo. It would never actually happen, especially not now."

Rey's stomach sinks as she looks into his eyes, recognizing what she saw within them. Bloodlust. He was power hungry, like he was in the forest, like he was in the throne room. "The First Order will kill your mother," she tells him, lowering her voice to where no one else could hear her. "She's a Resistance general - there's no way they'll allow her to live."

"I'll save her."

"How?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. "These people know you as someone who takes no prisoners and shows no mercy to First Order victims. It'll be suspicious if she lives. And if you try to save her, people will talk. They'll eventually find out who she is, who _you_ are."

He looks at her with narrowed eyes. "Are you trying to make a case for killing my mother?"

"What?" she says, appalled at his question. "Absolutely not. I'm trying to talk you  _out_ of this, Ben. What is so wrong with peace? With coexisting?" He watches her silently, in no hurry to rebuttal, and so she continues. "They're on the completely opposite side of the galaxy. They're so far away, you won't even notice if they're not actually following First Order law. And we just got married. Just... let's just wait. Give it a few days, weigh the positives and the consequences, and when we're level-headed, we can go from there." 

Ben looks down at her, crossing his arms across his chest. She watches him as he begins to pace, and in an effort to see where his head is at, she pushes into his mind, only to be met with cold, steel walls. 

Eventually, he stalls, glancing at her. His eyes were hollowed as if he hasn't slept in days. His skin is dull and his hair is a mess, and just like that, Kylo Ren is back. "No," he decides, shaking his head. "We do this now." 

"Ben-"

"I've let them go before," he tells her, stepping closer to her, invading her personal space. "Under  _your_ orders, I let them go. That's not happening again." 

She only stares at him, crossing her arms beneath her cloak, her jaw set. She will not let him see she's upset. "So what now?" she asks him, shrugging her shoulders. "We just go kill them all? Kill my friends, your _mother_?" 

"The First Order will take prisoners; we'll question them and give them a choice. I will see to it that my mother is among those prisoners, and your...  _friends_ as well."

Rey casts her eyes down, glancing at her boots as she shifts her weight in them. She couldn't let him do this. A small part of her, the child still inside her heart screamed at her to let him go through with this. The Resistance would be defeated. Everyone will know who she was. She would no longer be a scavenger sold by her parents on Jakku. She would be Empress of the entire  _galaxy_. Ben's words ring in her ears from the throne room. She would no longer be nothing. 

But the other half of her, the half that is still death-gripping the light, overpowers her sense of greed. She makes sure her mental barriers are strong before looking up at Ben once more, but the look in his eyes is so crazed, her thoughts could be screaming at him and he wouldn't even notice. "Okay," she decides on saying, keeping her voice level. "Okay." 

She sighs against him when he pulls her into a kiss. It's electrifying and breathtaking and it stirs pleasure deep within her like always, but there's an edge to it. His mouth is rougher, his teeth bite harder. This wasn't Ben she was kissing. And she was conflicted; her mind wanted to ease Ben away, her body wanted to only pull Kylo Ren closer. 

When he breaks the kiss, she hates the way her body screams at her to pull him back in. But she only swallows, forcing her eyes to appear calm, not desperate. He smiles at her then, haunting as he brings her gloved hand to his lips. "Let's go to war." 

* * *

"I feel like this is a bit excessive. And impractical." 

Rey eyes herself in the mirror within the armory, taking in her appearance. Alte had dressed her in a black catsuit and tall boots, a heavy cloak, and a crown to match. She frowns. How was she supposed to fight in this?

"It's more for appearance than anything," the First Order officer tells her. Rey pushes her hand away when she moves to flush her hair, groaning. "You have to look presentable." 

Rey makes a face. "For what? This is a war, not entertainment. I'd rather wear  _that_ than this," she gestures over to where Lilith sits in a chair in the corner, hinting at the detailed armor that adorns her body. The Kight only looks up through her mask briefly before returning her attention back to the sword in her lap, continuing to sharpen it calmly. 

"That is a Knight of Ren, not an Empress," Alte says, trying her best to give Rey a patient smile. "Appease the First Order just this once." 

Rey glares at her, caught between wanting to reprimand her tone or let it slide. Ever since the last time they were in this armory, her friend has become increasingly short with her, barely spending any time around her at all. She always chalked it up to intimidation, but maybe there was more to that. 

"Leave us," she finally says with the wave of her hand, watching the woman scurry out of the armory, making sure the door closed behind her completely before turning back to Lilith, leaning down to rest her elbows on the table in the middle of the room. Rey looks down at her hands as she reaches up from under her mask, a small click followed by a loud hiss as she removes her helmet, fiery hair falling over her shoulders. 

"I don't trust her, Empress," Lilith says, her posh accent a contrast to her sharp armor. Rey glances at her.

"No?"

"No," Lilith confirms, shaking her head. "We tail everyone who comes into contact with you and with the Supreme Leader. Her meetings with the General have increased dramatically since your coronation."

That catches Rey by surprise. Why would Alte be meeting with Hux? She decides to compartmentalize it, placing a mental tab on the subject to return to after she found a way to keep Ben happy while also saving the Resistance. "Can I ask you a question, Lilith?"

"Anything." 

"If you were in my place, what would you do?"

"Go to war," she answers instantly as if it was natural to want this. "The Supreme Leader says this is the path we must go down, and so this is the only way." 

Rey has to physically fight the eye roll threatening to appear. Of course, she'd stand by Ben. She wasn't really sure what she was expecting. "I have another question," she says, waiting for Lilith to look back up at her before continuing. "Is there any, real way I can stop this?" 

The kight is silent for such a long time, Rey is sure she won't answer. But, eventually, she gets up from her seat, propping her sword against the wall, making her way to Rey. "If you asked me a year ago, I would have said no," she said, placing her hands on the counter across from Rey. "But now... maybe. I don't know." 

Rey eyes her, the curiosity getting the better of her. "Why not a year ago?"

Lilith only shrugs. "I forget how new you are. There's a darker side of him you've never even seen." 

"I've seen Kylo Ren. I've  _fought_ Kylo Ren. He's not that scary." 

"You've seen the vulnerable Kylo Ren," she corrects the Empress, leveling with her. "His power was slipping when you crossed paths, and killing his father was the beginning of the end. The man he is now is simply the tip of an iceberg. So much is still hidden." 

"Like what?"

Lilith pauses. "Empress... I-"

"Speak freely," Rey encourages.

The knight takes a deep breath, rolling her shoulders back before starting her story. "A bit more than a decade ago, when we were all barely of age and you were probably nothing but a child back on Jakku, we were conquering the mid rim. We were on Geonosis, under orders from Supreme Leader Snoke, to secure some sort of token, or a type of metal, I can't remember." She shakes her head at the memory briefly before continuing. "Anyway, we came across a sort of run-down town center, filled with the poorest creatures I've ever seen. After deliberation, we decided that whatever we were looking for was in that town center. We could either ask for it, or we could take it."

Rey shifts her weight. "I'm guessing it was the latter?" 

Lilith nods, clenching her jaw to keep herself from frowning. "We killed everyone. Mothers, elderly, children... all without the slightest bit of remorse." 

She doesn't know what she could possibly say to that, and so Rey remains silent. She vaguely remembers Anakin Skywalker's unspeakable acts she learned through looted books and scavenged tablets. Perhaps it was a Skywalker thing. He was so full of rage, and she remembers what was said about Anakin. Maybe both were acts of fury...

"It wasn't rage," Lilith asks, bowing her head in apology for invading her mind when Rey looks at her sharply. "It was the calmest I've ever seen him." 

Rey drops her head into her hands, careful to not let the crown topple from her head as she rubs at her eyes. What was wrong with her? The murder of children wasn't upsetting her. She wasn't  _disgusted._ Was her hold on the light really that bleak? Did love truly cloud the vision of truth? The news did nothing to her other than make her want to go to him. And she very much could - she could sense him on the other side of the ship, briefing his pilots, pacing back and forth across the hangar. 

She jumps with Lilith reaches for her hand, taking it in hers, something Rey never would have thought she'd ever see a Knight of Ren do. "But I've also never seen him more human than he is now," she assures her Empress, giving Rey as much as a smile as her serious expression could muster. "You've done something to him...  _awoken_ something inside him, not even what his own father could do. Your connection does things to him I thought were impossible. I've never seen it before." 

Guilt bubbles in her chest. Lilith trained with Ben under Luke, as did the rest of the Knights of Ren, and they were obviously friends or maybe the equivalent of friends; Ben didn't seem like the  _friend_ type. But everyone deserved the truth, and not only was Rey lying about how Snoke died, but she was also hiding their force bond. Both of which should probably be known by her security detail. 

She wanted to ask more - what was he like when they were younger? And why were the Knights of Ren in her vision when she first saw him, attacking  _her_? There were so many questions she still needed answers to. But a siren fills the armory, drifting into the halls, shaking her to her core. It didn't take her much to realize what it was signaling - they were attacking the Resistance.

"Follow me." Lilith reaches for her helmet, securing it over her head before grabbing her sword, leading her into the hallway. Reluctantly, Rey follows her, the pit in her stomach only growing, her mind running a mile a minute. If only she could get information to the Resistance...

Lilith leads her to the hangar, and instantly an idea comes to her. If she could send herself to the First Order, surely she could send herself back to the Resistance. All she had to do was get past Lilith, a couple thousand officers, and her Force Bond with Ben.

Rey inwardly groans. _Easy_. 

She has to get away from Lilith before the rest of the Knights join her. Getting past one Force expert would be easier than all of them. So she watches her movements, and when she's sure Lilith can't see her, she slinks away, making a quick turn down a hall that takes her the opposite way. She silently curses herself for not exploring enough in her time on this ship. She had no idea where to begin to look for an escape pod. And she couldn't even  _think_ about an escape pod, because the minute she does, Ben will know. And Ben can't know. 

Thinking quickly, she grabs the lapel of a First Order captain, pulling him in front of her. His eyes are wide and scared. "Tell me," she says with an easy smile, the grip on him deathly tight, shoving her mind full of Ben shirtless. Hopefully, that'll inflate his pride enough to not dig through her thoughts too much. "I was never briefed on the safety measures of this ship. Where would one go if there's an emergency, like if we needed to escape." 

"Down the hall and to the left. It will take you to a separate hangar. There, you'll find escape pods and evacuation ships." His eyebrows draw together. "Your Highness, shouldn't you be-?"

"Thank you, Captain," she says with a grin, shoving him away from her. "I'll be sure you are rewarded for your helpful information."

His eyes grow wide, bending at the waist as if to bow. "Thank you, Empress Rey!" He shouts after her when she walks off, breaking into a run once no one was around. Breathless, she makes it to the hangar, eyes frantic in search of an escape pod. She feels the slight lurch as the ship jumps into hyperspace, no doubt en route to the Resistance. Shit. She was running out of time. 

Eventually, she finds one, set into the floor of the hangar, ready for departure. "Oh, thank Force," she says to herself, wasting no time lowering herself in, immediately setting the coordinates to the ship she hoped Finn and Leia were in. Hopefully, she can convince them to come back with her. 

Her heart is beating faster than it did when she first used one of these to go to Ben when their bond was still new and she didn't know his heart. But she's nervous for a different reason now as the pod ejects and detaches from the main ship, spitting her into space. She's leaving Ben alone. She's going to the Resistance. What if he thinks she betrayed him?

The trip feels like forever, but she lets out a breath she seemed to be holding since she left the First Order once she lands in the Resistance's docking bay. She forces her way out, pushing the door, trying to make it open even faster than it's supposed to. When she sits up, people are frantic, running to x-wings, shouting out orders, assuming battle positions. It was such a contrast to the First Order, who always seemed poised to be in a fight. She stands hesitantly, stepping out of the pod. How the hell is she going to find two people in all of this chaos?

"Rey?" 

She turns at the familiar voice, coming face to face with Poe Dameron. His helmet was in his hand, likely on the way to his own ship. BB-8 rolled on by his feet, beeping happily at her presence. But his face was white and his eyes were wide as if he'd seen a ghost. 

There was no time for sentimental greetings. "Where's Finn? And Leia?" 

He steps closer, his brows drawing together. "You're alive. You're _alive_. How?" 

She shakes her head, growing frustrated. She didn't know how long she had left, and she didn't have time to convince a pilot she was, in fact, alive. "Finn. Leia. Where are they, Poe?"

Hesitantly, he raises an arm, pointing behind her. "Go up the stairs and take a right. The command center will be the third door on the left. Finn isn't fully healed - he'll probably be there with Leia, too." 

Rey didn't have time to thank him, she only turned on her heel and ran, up the stairs and to the right, just like he said. She ignored the whispers and stares around her. Probably more people thinking she was dead. Why the hell did people think she was dead? 

Eventually, she reaches the door. It's guarded, of course, two armed Resistance officers standing at alert with blasters in hand. She goes to move past them, but they grab her shoulder, pushing her back. "No clearance, no entry," one of them tells her, their eyes shielded by some sort of glasses. 

She only rolls her eyes. "Tell Leia Rey is here. I need to speak with her, it's urgent. It's about the First Order. Please." 

The other guard scoffs. "Nice try. Rey of Jakku was pronounced dead a year ago. Now report to your battle stations." 

Anger and irritation swirled in her chest, heat spreading through her body. She didn't have  _time_ for this. "Well, as you can see, I'm alive. And if you don't get the fuck out of my way, I will rip your throat out, and make the other eat it while you lay there and die." 

Her threat must have done it, because after sharing a look, they ease away from the door, giving her just enough room to squeeze in. She lets the door slide open, engulfing her into the dark-lit command room, high ranking officers running around, hurriedly whispering to each other about what she suspected to be First Order information. 

Leia must have sensed her, because she picks her head up from the digital pad in front of her, displaying a hologram of the battleground in the air in front of her, looking directly to Rey. "Holy shit." 

Rey finally allows herself to breathe, making her way to Leia, letting the woman pull her into a hug. She lets out a sigh of relief, even letting herself close her eyes at the contact, regardless of how fleeting it was. 

"Rey, oh my God," Leia breathes once they part, keeping her hold on her arms. "When you lost your tracker, we thought you died. Clearly, you haven't."

Rey shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry. I totally forgot about it. It must have fallen off when I went to Ben-" 

Leia's tired eyes widen. "You went to Ben?"

Rey simply nods. "I've been with him. The past year. I can tell you all about it later, but right now you need to come with me." She grabs the General's hands. "I can take you to safety. To your  _son_." 

But before Leia can even answer her, Rey is practically body slammed, Finn barrelling into her, scooping her up in his arms. He hugs her tight to his chest, no doubt sharing the Resistance's sediment, thinking she was dead. "You're alive," he whispers mostly to himself, rocking them side to side. "You're alive." 

Rey is grinning like a madman, trying her hardest to not let the tears of joy in her eyes fall. There's time for reunions later, when their lives aren't at risk and they are safely back with the First Order. She breaks apart from him, unable to smother her smile. "I can explain everything later, I promise. But  _please_ ," she pleads with them, looking at them both. " _Please_ come with me." 

Finn looks at her. "Go with you where?"

"To the First Order," Leia answers for her. She was frowning at Rey. 

Immediately, Finn is shaking his head. "No. Absolutely not. I'm never going back there." 

Rey's eyes are pleading. "I  _promise_ nothing will happen to you. We'll keep you safe. But the Resistance is outnumbered and out-armed. If you stay here, you will die." 

Finn's head is still shaking, trying to understand what she's saying to him. "What? Who's 'we'?"

"Me and Ben," she answers, reaching out to grab Leia's hand, the other holding Finn's. "We can make sure no harm will come to either of you. Just come home with me." 

" _Home_?" Finn questions, taking a step back from his friend. His face is contorted in fear as he takes in her appearance, from her expensive boots to the First Order emblem pinned on her cloak, all the way up to the crown on her head. He looks at her like she is unrecognizable, taking his hands from hers. "You're one of them." 

* * *

Across the battlefield, Kylo Ren and General Hux stand side by side, staring out the windows as pilots buzz past each other, the First Order easily winning. He briefly wonders where Rey is.

"How did you do it?" General Hux asks, pulling Kylo from his thoughts. 

The Supreme Leader clasps his hands behind his back. "Do what?" 

The General laughs, annoyance yanking at Kylo. "Come on, Supreme Leader. How did you pull off such a feat?"

He turns to Hux, clenching his jaw, pulling his hands into fists behind him. "I suggest you get on with it before I throw you out of this ship, General." 

General Hux only smiles at his threat, taking a step closer so no one else could hear them. "Killing Supreme Leader Snoke, of course. And the Praetorian Guards as well? How did you accomplish it?" 

Kylo Ren instantly feels nauseous, the skin on his face on pins and needles, his stomach dropping. How the hell did he know? "I'm not sure what you're talking about. And I don't appreciate the insinuation." 

Except Hux doesn't drop it; he only steps closer, forcing the Supreme Leader to look at him. "I never believed you anyway, but when a lieutenant came to me with troubling news regarding something your  _wife_ said, we had to investigate. And upon further investigation, we were able to recover the surveillance you thought you hid. Clear as day, there you are, using the Force to kill our beloved Supreme Leader." 

Kylo has nothing to do other than grind his teeth in fury. He was caught. There was nothing he  _could_ do to get himself out of this. "I should kill you where you stand," he threatens through clenched teeth.

"You could. But if you do, people will talk. Supreme Leader Snoke  _and_ my death in the same year? You need me, Kylo Ren. You need me on your side." 

 _Fuck_. He was right, as always. Kylo looks away and out the window. If people in positions of powers started dropping like flies around him, they'd begin to talk. But if he has Hux on his side, he can squash any and all of those rumors. And he doesn't just have to worry about himself, he has Rey to think of. He was basically untouchable - he created the First Order. But Rey... Rey could be killed. She could be assassinated. He wouldn't let that happen. With a deep breath, he glances back at Hux. "What do you want? I'm assuming this is blackmail." 

General Hux begins to grin. "Fire the missiles at the Resistance fleet. Every since transport and hangar ship. End this once and for all."

He draws his brows together. "That's it?" 

"That, and no survivors. No prisoners, no mercy." 

Kylo hesitates. His mother was on that ship. He could sense her, as he could sense Rey's friend. He couldn't kill them all. He wouldn't. "We leave one ship untouched," he tries to reason. "We take them as prisoners. That's as far as I'm going, General. There is no need to kill everyone." 

General Hux pretends to think on it before shaking his head. " _Or_ you can take your prisoners, and I can kill your wife. It is up to you, Supreme Leader." 

He reaches up sharply, shoving Hux backward, watching him stumble on his feet. "You touch her and I will make your death the most painful, most gruesome thing you can think of, I swear to God." 

Hux only laughs, and why the fuck is this man  _laughing_? "You don't even know where she is, do you?"

At his words, Kylo reaches out through the Force, feeling for her and her presence. But wherever she is, he can't sense her, and he lets out a desperate grown in frustration. "Where the hell is she?"

"She's not on this ship if that's what you're asking." 

Kylo takes a step forward, and Hux takes one back, raising his hands in defense. "There  _is_ a way to ensure you both live and get your happily ever after," he bargains, waving towards the red button on the control panel, marked for the missiles. "All you have to do is press this button and end it, once and for all." 

If this were any other moment, he probably wouldn't have pressed it. He wouldn't even  _think_ of pressing it. But he couldn't sense Rey, couldn't tell that she was safe. If there was even a fraction of a chance that Hux was indeed telling the truth, he needed to ensure he would get Rey back, wherever she was. Desperation reared its head as he glanced at the button, his fear of Rey's safety overcoming any other rational thought. Without another thought, he reaches out a gloved finger, pressing the button. He closes his eyes as the ship shakes, space aglow as they take off, heading straight for their targets. He senses Hux smiling beside him when he hears the sounds of collision, the Resistance defeated. It was finally over.

Suddenly, their coms crackle to life, violent coughs filling the room. 

"Stop firing!" Rey wheezes, the signal fuzzy, explosions in the background louder than her voice. "Whatever the hell you're doing, stop! I'm here!"

Kylo freezes at her voice, and then all at once, his body kickstarts back to life, reaching for his com unit, yelling at anyone who will listen. "Send a rescue ship to the Resistance now! Your Empress is in trouble!" 

He goes back to the command table, pressing the communication button to speak. "Rey? Are you okay, are you hurt?!"

She coughs again, sounding like she's struggling to breathe. "I-I don't know!" Her voice breaks off to take a sharp inhale. "They're all dead, everyone's dead!" 

"I've already sent someone to you," he tells her, his heart beating so fast he's sure it'll rip his chest open. "Just sit tight, you'll be back soon. I'm so sorry, Rey." 

When he gets confirmation that the rescue team has safely picked her up from the wreckage, Kylo turns to Hux, seeing red. He reaches out quickly, his large hand closing over his throat, squeezing hard. 

General Hux coughs, clawing at his throat. "No Force?" he wheezes out, unable to breathe.

"I don't need the Force to kill you," he tells the General, applying more pressure. "You told me she'd be safe! Does that sound safe to you, General?" 

He can't answer the Supreme Leader; he only looks up at him, eyes wide, skin turning purple. Kylo Ren has never seen anything more satisfying in his entire life. 

"Any last words, General?"

He feels his lightsaber lift from his belt at the same time the door to the control room slides open. He turns in time to watch Rey walk in, body charred and clothing ripped, golden eyes shining brightly through tears. She ignites the lightsaber in her hand, a red glow illuminating the room, the angry crackles filling the room. 

"Get him on his knees," she tells her husband through clenched teeth, her whole body shaking. "He's a coward; he deserves a coward's death." 

Without question, he releases the General from his grip, watching him fall to the ground, gasping out desperately for air. He scrambles to his knees, keeping his head down as he stares at Rey's feet. "Your Highness, I am so, so sorry. Please-"

Rey reaches to grab at his hair roughly, yanking his head up, forcing him to look at her. "You are the worst excuse for human existence. I know it was you who sent the missiles," she tells him, her golden eyes practically sucking the soul out of Hux. "Enjoy eternal death." 

Immediately, she brings Kylo's lightsaber to his neck, the blade of energy easily cutting through the skin at his throat. The room gasps as she beheads him, watching his lifeless body collapse onto the tile floor. She clicks the lightsaber off, allowing silence to fall over the room.

Kylo is the first to speak. "Rey..."

She looks up at him from the other side of Hux's body, beginning to sway. He reaches for her as she falls forward, catching her as she faints, falling to the floor with her. Her midsection is wet, and he pulls his hands away to see his gloves covered in blood, her body burnt and bruising. She was cold in his arms. 

"Don't just stand there!" He shouts at the crowd, sending them into a terrified flurry as he hugs her body tight to his chest, his hands pressing over her most prominent injuries, trying his best to stop the bleeding. "Someone get medical in here now!" 

The Resistance was defeated. And as he stares down at the woman in his arms, all he feels is guilt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like... yeah.
> 
> I will say, it's not nearly as bad as you think it is. Did they all die? Or did they escape as Rey wanted them to? 
> 
> I was going back and forth for quite some time with this chapter, debating on if I should post it or tweak it. It's been done for a month now, and so I finally just bit the bullet and posted it. I'm sorry if it's not the best chapter. I promise the next one will be better!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! :-)


	10. I Am Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is grieving, and Ben sees how long he can keep a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs: "Right Here" by Ashes Remain, "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran.

When Rey opens her eyes, everything hurts.

She can't help but wince as she blinks into focus, staring up at a white ceiling, the lights above her blurred into stark lines. She closes her eyes again briefly, lifting her head from what seemed to be a pillow, a sharp pain shooting up her neck. She looks down at her hands, needles sticking out from her veins, hooked up to various drips and machines. Tired eyes trace bandages up her forearm, dipping beneath a sort of healing suit. It dawns on her.  _She was in a medical bay_. 

A deep inhale that's not hers catches her attention, and she whips her head to the left to find the source, gritting her teeth at the pain in her neck once more. In the corner sat the Supreme Leader himself, eyes closed in sleep, slumped in what looks to be the most uncomfortable chair in existence that doesn't even fit him. He looks tired, even while he sleeps. His forehead isn't relaxed, his brows drawn together in what could only be concern.

"Ben?" she can barely croak out. She swallows roughly, trying again, this time a bit louder. "Ben." 

He lifts his head from his hand with a sharp intake of air, blinking at her. His eyes widen when he realizes she's awake, and instantly he's at her bedside, dragging his chair behind him to sit beside her. "You're awake," he breathes, reaching out to brush the hair from her eyes as she lies back against the pillows. "You're awake," he whispers again, mostly to himself as he tucks the hair that was apparently sticking to her forehead behind her ears. 

Rey's mind can't quite catch up to the surroundings her eyes are taking in. The man hovering above her looks nothing like Ben - his eyes are sunken and dull; facial hair is actually growing on his chin. He looks exhausted and older than he's ever looked, but Rey isn't sure why. They're in a room that she never saw before, surrounded by what seem to be machines powered by droids. She tries to sit up, but the pain in her neck returns and she winces. He's quick to move once more, hands going gingerly to her arms, lowing her back down gently.

"You need to rest," he tells her, his eyes almost frantic as he continues to comb through her hair with his fingers. "Just lay back."

She looks up at him, and it's physical work to even draw her eyebrows together. She blinks and it almost exhausts her to open her eyes again. "Where are we?" 

"Coruscant."

"Why?"

He watches her carefully. "Rey... you weren't waking up. It's been days since the battle, and the First Order could only do so much for you without outside help, and-"

It suddenly clicks. "Where's Leia?" 

"She's alive," he tells her, albeit a bit tensely. She wasn't exactly sure if he was happy about it. "But that's all I know." 

Rey nods... or, at least tries to nod. Leia being alive was good, both for the Resistance and the man next to her. If she died, surely Rey would lose Ben to the dark side forever. "How many are dead? In the Resistance?" 

Ben stays silent, focusing on working out a knot by her ear as gently as possible. "We think all but nine," he tells her gently, trying to soften the blow of his words. "Nine including my mother."

She tries to swallow the lump forming in her throat, but it's no use. Tears are already beginning to well in her eyes, and his fingers are ready to catch them as they fall down the sides of her face. "I'm sorry," he whispers to her as he leans in to kiss her cheek, his voice truly pained as she can't help a single sob that slips out from between her swollen lips. "I'm so, so sorry." 

She wants to hug him, but there are so many goddamn bandages on her arm holding them down that it only frustrates her further. And so she has no choice but to lean her head into his, his lips near her ear. He kisses her there, his thumb brushing her other cheek gently, patiently waiting for her to catch her breath. He was never one who knew how to deal with grief, and this was no different. But Rey was hurting more than he's ever seen her hurt before, and he'd be damned if he wasn't there for her, even if he was the reason she  _was_ grieving. 

She tries to sit up again, hiccuping. "What about- what about Finn? And Poe?" 

Even if his thoughts weren't screaming at her, she'd know his answer just by the sheer pain on his face. Rey had never seen him so visibly upset and empathetic towards someone else, but her view of him blurs as tears form once again. "Ben," her voice breaks, begging him to tell her that his thoughts were wrong and Finn was still alive. "Don't."

He has to bite the inside of his cheek so hard he draws blood in order to keep his own tears from breaking for her. He doesn't know what he can do for her. There's nothing he can do to make it better as he watches her cry freely now, bringing her hand with the IV attached to her forehead, trying to catch her breath as she sobs. "Rey, I am so sorry," he whispers, his hand going to the side of her neck, rubbing his thumb against her cheek, trying his best to calm her down. His other hand goes back to her hair, combing through the strands above her forehead. 

Ben isn't exactly sure how much time goes by. His hand in her hair is cramping and his thighs are screaming from leaning forward in his chair, but he doesn't dare move an inch. But Rey is finally able to catch her breath, tilting her head into his hand at her cheek. Eventually, her breathing evens out and she's finally lulled to sleep.

He looks down at her. Her face is still flushed and her cheeks are still stained with tears, but she's asleep. And for what is probably the first time in his life, he feels guilty.

He isn't guilty that he ended almost all of the resistance once and for all, and he isn't guilty that they are now the uncontested rulers of the galaxy. But his chest aches for the woman he's holding onto, brushing through her hair to keep her asleep. He wants to take away her pain, but how? The traitors are already dead. 

There's suddenly a knock at the door and he tenses, his fingers freezing in her hair to make sure she didn't stir awake. "Supreme Leader," a posh voice says behind him. He turns his head to look over his shoulder at Lilith and another Knight of Ren, Apate. Their helmets both in their hands at their sides, dark circles under their eyes. They seemed to get as little sleep as he's gotten over the course of these days. 

"What is it?" he asks them, turning his attention back to his wife. 

"We need you to come with us," Apate tells him, her deep voice almost hoarse. "We found something you need to see." 

"It can wait," he says immediately.

"Supreme Leader," Lilith steps forward, trying to reason with him. "This actually cannot wait. It's about Snoke." 

His blood instantly runs cold at the mention of his previous mentor. Did they know the truth about happened to Snoke? Did they hear his conversation with General Hux? Were they here to arrest him now?

Ben immediately looks to Rey like it was some sort of reflex, taking her in. What would happen to her? Would she be allowed to live while he surely perishes?

"Supreme Leader," Lilith repeats again, earning his attention once more. "You need to come with us." 

Reluctantly, he removes himself from Rey, pushing on his knees to stand. He winces, his legs already sore. His eyes remain on Rey until he's ushered out of the room and into the hall. Crossing his arms, he leans his back against the wall, glancing between them with tired eyes.

"This better be important. And quick."

Lilith and Apate look to each other in silence, but Apate is the first to speak. "We performed an autopsy on General Hux."

The look he gave her must have been enough to prompt them to continue because Apate clears her throat to speak again. "When we checked his eyes... they were gold. The brightest eyes I've ever seen."

"Impossible," he says passively. "He doesn't have the Force. You must be seeing things."

Lilith steps forward. "I saw it, too. We performed a body scan, and in his head..." she trails off, looking back at Apate as some sort of permission to continue. "There was...  _something_. It wasn't exactly any sort of matter, but it was something cloudy. We think it could have been the Force. Because when we checked again, it was gone." 

Ben is shaking his head before she even finishes. "That doesn't make any sense. That's not how the Force works. It doesn't just  _jump_ from person to person. Especially if said person never had the ability to begin with."

"We heard him talking to you, before you launched the missiles," Apate says softly, her voice barely audible to the two people in front of her. "About what happened in the throne room. With Snoke. And Rey." 

 _Shit._ "It was a misunderstanding. He was insinuating things that weren't true like destroying the throne room surveillance, I was just going with it, and-"

"For fuck's sake, Ben,  _listen_ to us!" Lilith interrupts, and if he wasn't already in shock, he would have reprimanded her in the worst way possible for using his birth name. "We don't care what you did or didn't do; he wasn't where our loyalty lied. There  _is_ no surveillance in the throne room, that was what the Praetorian Guards were for. It wasn't  _Hux_ you were talking to, it was  _Snoke_.

He looks at her then, his brain not quite catching up with her words. If that was truly Snoke and not Hux, they were truly in no danger, and Rey killed him for nothing. But more importantly,  _he_ killed... for nothing...

His face is burning as he leans his head back against the wall, trying his best to swallow the wave of nausea that's threatening to rise in his throat. He forces a breath out, and another one in, closing his eyes. Fuck. What did he do?  _What did he do?_

"Do you need water?" Lilith asks him, stepping forward. "You look awfully pale."

He reaches up and swats the air around his face, forcing them to back away from him. With another breath, he picks his head up from the wall and opens his eyes, looking at the women in front of him. "Are you positive it was him?" He asks with a clenched jaw.

"As sure as we can be. We've never seen this before, and Hux knew things only Snoke knew." 

Ben stands up straight, reminding himself that regardless of how scared he was, he was still their leader. "Right," he says, clearing his throat. "Apate, get rid of General Hux's body. I don't care if you have to throw it into deep space, I want it gone. Lilith," he continues, turning towards his second. "Get Rey discharged. We're staying on Coruscant for the time being. I don't want her anywhere the ship." 

They part with wordless bows of their head before breaking off onto different paths, leaving him alone with himself. With a groan, he digs his palms into his eyes until he sees stars. Perfect. Just fucking perfect. Not only was Rey critically injured, he now has to worry about a goddamn ghost haunting him that suddenly can invade any living body it pleases. Something which he has never heard of before, thus making it impossible to tell how to stop it.  _Fucking_ great.

* * *

Rey is in and out of sleep for four days. This time when she wakes it's dark, unable to see anything as her eyes begin to adjust. She stretches, a dull ache radiating through her body rather than the sharp pain she felt days before. As she relaxes, she figures Ben must have done whatever he did to her in Jakku. She probably should thank him.

As if it's a reflex, she reaches out next to her in the bed, fingertips meeting warm muscle. She faintly smiles to herself as she hears him let out a sleepy moan, shifting onto his side. She feels his breath on her face as she shifts closer, encompassing her in his arms, pressing her against him as softly as possible. She runs her hand up his arm before wrapping around his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispers. "For... whatever you may have done."

His fingers trace aimless patterns into her hipbone. "You're welcome," he breathes into her hair, sounding like he's still half asleep.

They stay like that for who knows how long, his fingers still on her waist, and she figures he's asleep. Rey reaches up to brush through his hair with her fingers as she stares into nothingness. Her heart aches, but she can't figure out why. 

Ben sighs against her neck. "I'm glad you're safe." He nudges his nose into her shoulder. "And not in any more pain."

It clicks then. That's right.

Finn.

Tears pinch the backs of her eyes and she begs them not to fall. She would consider herself to be used to death and people leaving, judging by her past on Jakku. And Ben was her soulmate, but Finn was her very first friend. She hasn't seen him in so long, but he was like her brother. A long-lost, fun-loving brother. Part of her was gone now. But she's thankful she had Ben. If she lost them both... she didn't want to think about that. This was hard enough as it is.

"I love you so much," she says into his chest, cursing herself when her voice breaks. She's crying freely now, wiping her wet cheek on the thin tunic he wears. Her arms tighten around him, trying to ground herself. Use him as an anchor.

"Shh," he tries his best to calm her, a hand reaching up to wipe a few of her tears. "You'll get through this."

She closes her eyes tightly, willing the tears to stop. God, she hopes so.

* * *

Rey watches Ben dress from her spot in their shared bed. He sits near her feet, bending his frame over to lace his boots. With a deep breath, he places his gloved hands on his knees and pushes, standing up. He turns to her as he fastens his cape tighter around his neck, his face riddled with uneasiness. 

"You could still join us," he tells her, moving to stand by her, reaching a hand down to brush the hair from her eyes before settling his knuckles on her cheek. "I'm sure Knights would like to see their Empress again." 

Rey only frowns at his words. It's been weeks since the First Order slaughtered the Resistance, and she has barely been able to bring herself to leave their bed, much less this apartment. "I think I'm done with politics and war." 

He watches her for a long while, finally appearing to accept her words as truth. Wordlessly, he leans down, pressing his lips to her forehead. He gives her one last look before pulling his hood up and over his head, throwing his features into darkness as he leaves the room. 

Her heart wills her to go with him as she stares at the door he left out of. They are still very much intertwined, the force pulling them together now more than ever in the face of her grief. But her stomach still sinks every time she thinks of Finn, and she has to force the knot in her throat back down with a hard swallow. She is in no state to face anyone, let alone govern the very people she's grown to hate once more. 

Closing her eyes, she settled back into her pillow, begging her brain to let her sleep. 

* * *

"Any news on whatever the _hell_ was in General Hux?"

Lilith, Apate, and Emil were walking behind him, trying their best to keep up with his fast pace. "We think it's some sort of Force ghost," Lilith tells him, following the Supreme Leader into the meeting hall. "But it's not even a ghost, it's more like a Force entity." 

He pauses to place his hand on the scanner, throwing a lifeless glance over his shoulder at her. "I wasn't aware there was a difference," he murmurs, shoving his glove back into place as the door slides open. 

"The term is broader, it allows for more definitions," she says, sitting across from him at the table. Apate and Emil follow suit. "We think this is the first  _anyone_ has seen something like this. Snoke was old. And he knew the lore. For all we know, this could have been his plan all along. Not to be a literal ghost, but a soul to be passed from person to person."

"Like a fallback," he says, sitting back in his chair. He knew it was too easy to just kill him.  _Shit._ "But why now? It's been more than a year since his death. If he wanted to punish me, he would have already." 

Apate nods in agreement, though hesitantly. "If I can speak freely, I'm surprised he went to Hux and not Rey. If he really wanted to get under your skin."

His eyes cut to her, frowning. "If _I_ can speak freely, I prefer when you're silent." 

"The point is, we have Force knows what on this ship, and we need to find a way to find it and stop it," Lilith interrupts, bringing back the focus of the conversation to what matters. "The sooner we figure it out, the better. For everyone's safety." She glances to Ben then. "Especially Rey's." 

With a sharp inhale, Ben reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. When he blinks back into focus, he sits up, reaching down to rub his palm with his thumb. "Have there been any reports of anyone acting differently? Or has this only happened to the General?"

"The woman assigned to Rey," Emil speaks up, her outer rim accent thick. "I think her name was Lieutenant Alte, sister of the late Captain Phasma."

Ben clenches his jaw. "And where is the Lieutenant now?"

"Dead," Lilith says, flicking a speck of dust from her robes. "We heard on the coms that she reported a suspicious conversation with the Empress to General Hux. When we went to go confront her, she was in the corner of the armory with a broken neck."

"And I wasn't informed of this because...?"

Lilith shrugs. "Honestly, we thought the Empress did it perhaps to stop her from talking to the General. We went to go tell you, but you were no longer on board." 

He pauses, sighing. "So what you're saying is that we have the ghost of an ancient Force-user that can go from person to person whenever it pleases, can alter their mind enough to control them, and also has the ability to kill them?"

"Essentially, Supreme Leader." 

With the wave of his hand, he dismisses them, leaving him to himself. This meeting can be added to the list of things he wasn't telling Rey, falling right below the fact that he was the one who approved the bombing of the Resistance fleet and not Hux. He reaches up to rub his forehead, letting out a groan of frustration. One glance into his head is going to tip her off that he's hiding something. They're far too intertwined by now.

He was screwed. Completely and absolutely screwed. 

* * *

A month later, when Ben returns from a round of meetings and other First Order business, he finds their bed empty. Confusion etches itself into his forehead, placing his gloves on the table next to the bed. "Rey?" He calls out.

"In here!" 

He follows the voice through the halls of their apartment, finding her on the sofa in the living space. She was hugging a pillow to her chest as she used the holoprojector to watch what seemed to be a pod race, her feet crossed at the ankles as the stretched out on the cushions. Dark circles are still beneath her eyes, but there's color in her cheeks again, and he thinks this is the first time he saw her out of bed since Finn's death for more than a few minutes at a time. She's in one of his tunics, the dark gray fabric grazing her freckled thighs. Her hair was haphazardly pulled to the top of her head in a bun, flyaways sticking out every direction. He much preferred her like this than in the fancy dresses the First Order puts her in, he realizes.

He goes to her then, picking her feet up by the ankles just enough to allow himself to slip beneath them before placing them on his lap, letting his head lean against the back of the sofa. He closes his eyes as he throws an arm over the back of the couch, settling in.

Honestly, Rey is taken aback. Ben was hardly this domestic, and she can’t actually remember a time he ever so much as glanced at a pod race, much less wanted to listen to one. But here he is, subconsciously stroking the skin on her bare ankle like it was the most normal action ever. It almost made her smile. Almost.

“Do you know what I realized?” She asks him, sitting up straighter as he lifts his head and turns his gaze to her. “We never _actually_ have any conversations anymore.”

His brows draw together as his fingers on her ankle stop moving. “We talk all the time.”

“About _business_. Or wars. Or silly Knights. All we do is talk about the First Order and have sex.”

Ben chokes on a chuckle, reaching up to pull at the collar of his tunic, almost sheepishly. “Last I recall, I don’t think either of us has an issue with the latter.”

“No, we don’t,” she assures him, her cheeks and the tips of her ears beginning to redden. But even then, they haven't been intimate since Finn's death. Based on the physical nature of their relationship, she was almost sure Ben would push her on it, but he's been surprisingly a gentleman. It only made her love him more.

"Okay," he says with a light smile, deciding to play along. "What would you like to talk about?"

“What you had for breakfast, for instance,” she offers with a shrug.

He snorts. “What I had for breakfast?”

“Perhaps a girl just wants to know what her husband had for breakfast.” She says, a bit defensively. "Is that too much to ask for?" 

He looks over at her. "Toast," he says easily, raising an eyebrow at her. "Satisfied now?" 

"Ben," she wines, leaning up to wrap her arms around the one draped over her legs. He looks at her again, all teasing and joking gone from her face. In its place is the frown he's grown accustomed to, the one she bore since her friend's death. "Just talk to me. Take my mind off it." 

He's not sure why he even stalls because he would never deny her anything. With an exhale, he removes his arm from her grip, choosing to wrap it around her narrow shoulders instead. She brings herself closer, hugging her knees to her chest as she leans into him. The action reminds her so much of their time on Naboo, when they cuddle on the beach. Rey wishes she could go back. It was simpler. Less depressing. 

She's surprised when Ben actually tells her a story of when he was still Ben Solo. He was thirteen and here, on Coruscant. His mother had some meeting to go to, and so he and his father went into the city, making conversation with the townspeople. Rey could have sworn she heard a smile in his voice.

When he gets to a stopping point in his stories, he notices Rey fell silent. He tilts his head to look at her, and he sees that she's asleep, her head rising and falling with every one of his breaths, the arm that held his waist now lay lip on his hip. 

Ben swallows and shifts her closer, leaning his head back against the couch, closing his eyes as she begins to snore. It was the most relaxed he was in weeks.

* * *

"Put this on." 

She looks at him incredulously, the faintest smile playing on her lips. "This is a ballgown, ben." 

"That's exactly why I brought it here for you," he tells her, unable to hide his grin.

Her eyes go from him, to the dress, back to him. He was dressed up, and she doesn't even think she's ever seen him in a suit before, let alone a bow tie and the First Order sash across his chest. She goes back to the dress, the black, heavy material almost translucent, silver crystals and diamonds covering the breast and body, fading out down the length. "Ben," she says again, hesitantly reaching out to touch it. "What is this even for?" 

He watches her marvel at the dress, her fingers lingering as they brush the expensive fabric. "Do you trust me?" He asks her, and she can't miss the playful glint in his eyes.

She raises an eyebrow. "Depends." 

"Just put it on," he tells her, holding the dress out for her. "It's a surprise. I promise it'll be worth it." 

And so, somewhat begrudgingly, she turns from him, going to the mirror. Ever the gentleman, he glances away when she pulls one of his tunics she's been sleeping in up and over her head, tossing it to the bed. She reaches out to take the heavy material from his outstretched hands, stepping into it, pulling the sleeves over her arms. Ben steps behind her, his fingers delicately going to the zipper, pulling it up carefully. She can't remember a time he's ever been gentler. 

Unsurprisingly, it fits her like a glove. Her eyes are no longer sunken and tired, and even the color has returned to her cheeks. But she can't shake the smallest hole in her heart swell with every breath she takes, reminding her of her lost friend. But Ben's hand on her shoulder grounds her, and she turns to him as he tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

"What is this even for?" 

"I told you," he says, going to the nightstand, grabbing his leather gloves before slipping them on. She runs to fetch a pair of shoes, stepping into them as he reaches a gloved hand out for hers. "It's a surprise. So shut your eyes and trust me." 

The corners of her mouth tick up as she does what she's told, closing her eyes, letting her husband lead her out of their apartment. Soon enough they're in the streets, warm air hitting her as she follows Ben, air vehicles zooming past her, voices of other people filling her eyes. "Ben, where are we going?" She says, giggling when he comes to a stop, reaching his other hand out to stop her. 

"Your eyes better still be closed," he teases her when they begin to walk again. "We're almost there." 

She hears people begin to whisper as they pass, asking who they're with if that's _actually_ the Empress and Supreme Leader. She briefly wonders what people are thinking as they walk by, the face of the First Order leading a blind, giggling mess of a girl through the streets of the capital. Hopefully, it changes the public's mind about him. The beast has a heart, after all.

She feels them enter a building, and the conversations assaulting her instantly tip her off that they're in a capital building. There are too many voices she recognizes. "Can I open my eyes now?" She asks him, letting him weave her through groups of people she didn't know.

"Almost," he tells her, pulling her into a quiet room. She feels him lean forward to press what sounds like a button, and instantly, they shoot up, her stomach dropping. They were in an elevator. 

"Can I open my eyes  _now_ _?"_

She hears him laugh under his breath. "If you want to ruin the surprise, then sure." 

Rey can't help but grin at him as her eyes open just in time to watch him roll his. "You should know by now I'm not all too good at following orders," she tells him. Rey begins to swing their intertwined fingers back and forth between them, and he can't help but smile softly at her.

"You're in a good mood," he notes, leaning his back against the wall of the elevator. 

She can't help but shrug, shivering when his thumb brushes over her knuckles. This is such a stark contrast when they were last in an elevator together, her handcuffed and on her way to meet Snoke, trying her hardest to get through to Ben. How far they've come. "I feel good. And I'm tired of being sad." 

He watches her for a beat, taking in her words. It's been months since the Resistance was destroyed, and he can't remember the last time she seemed this... well,  _happy_. She was glowing. He missed her.

To his delight, she closes her eyes once more when the elevator lurches to a stop, and he leads her out into another loud room, this time with music playing, laughs filling the room. The mood in the room is light, she detects, and happy. People are enjoying themselves, _genuinely_ enjoying themselves, even in a First Order world.

"Okay," he says, bringing their hands up to his mouth to brush his lips across her fingers. "Open your eyes." 

Rey gasps as soon as she sees where she is. It's a ballroom of some sort, but it's decorated like the pictures she's seen in books about Canto Bight. Black and silver curtains hang from the ceiling, crystal chandeliers lighting the room. The people surrounding them are dressed in lively colors, laughing and drinking sparkling liquid as they converse amongst themselves. She's never seen so much beauty, and- oh!

Her head turns to look at her shoulder, something that resembles silver liquid landing on the expensive fabric of her dress. She moves to brush it off or rub it in, but it simply floats away in one piece, eventually settling somewhere on the ground. The liquid was weightless, never leaving a stain, never leaving wetness behind. She's never seen anything like it.

Ben watches her as she laughs, holding her hand out in front of her. More silver lands on her fingertips before sliding off, settling on the floor beneath her feet. She looks up at Ben, a grin to match his. "What is this?"

"Stardust," he tells her, watching it land in her hair; on her eyelashes. He wants to kiss it away when it lands on her lips. She shakes her head, smiling as she watches the featherlight liquid float away from her. "It is your birthday after all." 

Her eyes snap back to his. "How did you know that it-? How is this even possible?"

"A man never reveals his secrets," he tells her, winking at her. "You'll come to find that being an Emperor can get you more than just the fear of your people. I called in a few favors."

She can't help but raise an eyebrow at her. "The great Kylo Ren asking for _help?"_

He reddens, faltering at the mention of his alias. "Begrudgingly, yes. Apparently, I don't know everything." 

"And he's humble?" She teases, widening her eyes. "How did I get so lucky?" 

"Shut up." He presses his lips together to keep from smiling. Now that he actually got her smiling again, it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe the thing with Snoke was a one-time incident. Maybe he and Rey can completely move on and continue their life together in peace. 

She steps further into the room, eyes scanning the ballroom. "Who are these people?" she asks, politely smiling back to whoever makes eye contact with her. 

"Mostly politicians and ambassadors. Bankers. Other rich assholes." He smirks at her when she gives him a look. "They're here for you, though. These people fear me, but they admire  _you_." 

Rey feels him behind her, his chest brushing her back. Aside from Finn and now Ben, she never felt  _wanted_. But now she's met with what seemed like hundreds of smiling faces. These people  _wanted_ her, no matter how shallow their aspirations were. 

She feels his lips at her ear. "Do you want to dance?" 

Rey turns to face him, her eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. Who even was this man tonight? "Ben Solo  _dances?"_

"I absolutely do not. But since it's your birthday, this is the first and only time I'm offering."

With a smile, she places her hand in his, letting him lead her further into the crowded room. She's showered with compliments as they pass, and she can't help but blush when a woman, probably not much younger than Rey, curtseys, commenting on her beauty.

Ben lifts her hand and turns her until she's facing him, pulling her to him. His fingers find purchase on her waist, bringing her closer. Her other hand finds it's way around his neck, fingertips slipping under the collar of his suit jacket. 

"She's right, you know," he leans in to murmur in her ear as they begin to sway. She closes her eyes, leaning her head against his. "You look breathtaking." 

Rey simply hums against him, feeling his heart beat in his chest against hers, letting him lead her through this. She felt so removed these last few months from everything, and the intimacy of what they were doing was making her lightheaded. This is where she belonged, in his arms. 

"Thank you," she whispers, turning her head just enough to brush her lips against his cheek. "For this. For everything." 

He pulls away to twirl her, and she laughs when the hem of her dress catches in the air, spinning around her legs like magic. When he brings her back in, they're so close if she only tilts her head, they'd be kissing. And at this moment, she wants nothing more. 

"I'm serious," she breathes against him, his grip on her waist tightening. "Nothing has ever done anything like this for me. Thank you." 

"You are worth it and more, Rey Solo." 

Her eyes close as he leans in to kiss her nose, tears welling behind her eyelids. Rey Solo.  _Rey Solo_. Not only did he call her Rey  _Solo_ , but he's acknowledging that he  _is_ a Solo. Happiness blooms in her chest, a level of relief she hasn't felt in months washing over her. Was this really it? Did Kylo Ren no longer exist in his eyes? 

She pulls him into a tight hug, holding him to her, breathing through her tears. It's been so long since she held him like this. Her fingers ache for more. "I love you so much," she exhales into his suit jacket, shivering when his arms wrap around her.

"Are you alright?" He asks, pressing his lips to her hair. "You're trembling." 

Rey recognizes the feeling that she hasn't felt in so long. Deep in her stomach, growing stronger with every touch, every glance, every time he speaks. Her skin flicks alive with excitement and her nerve endings burn every time he touches her. Pleasure has been growing within her since they left, but the desire she has for him is finally reaching its boiling point, and she decides she has to get him alone. 

Her lips go to his ear. "You have an office here, right?"

She feels him nod, and at once she's turning on her heel, walking through the stardust once more, allowing him to lead the way once they're through the crowd. He leads her to a nearby door, and he throws a quick glance over their shoulders before removing his glove, pressing his hand into the scanner. It hisses open and immediately Rey pulls him inside by the collar of his jacket, finally tugging his lips down to hers. 

He's shocked, to say the least, stumbling on his feet as the door closes behind them. But he recovers quickly, his hands going to her cheeks as he kisses her back. She wastes no time pulling him to the desk she saw when she entered, backing up against it, pressing a hand into the wood to push herself up onto it. He lets out a deep breath against her mouth as she pulls on the silk of his bow tie, twisting the knot loose, letting it fall to the floor next to them. 

Rey is thankful he can read her thoughts because there's no time for talking; she needs this now. She waited so long until she was ready, and now she can't get him out of his damn suit fast enough. 

Chuckling, he reaches up to help her undo the buttons of his tunic, removing both that and the jacket, leaving his chest bare. Rey sighs, fingertips running over the familiar muscle of his stomach, taut under her touch. He tenses and  _Force_ , she can't wait any longer. 

Ben seems to agree, because when his lips go back to hers, he's leaning her back onto the desk, crowding her. She reaches down, fumbling with the hem of her dress, pulling it up to bunch around her waist. There was no time to slip out of it; she couldn't wait. Her heart is in her throat when she feels his hand undo the button of his pants and she feels the pressure as he dips the front down just enough to pull himself free.

When he finally enters her, it's so euphoric, she sees stars. He leans forward, burying his face in her neck, letting out a string of curses. She could die of happiness. She missed this so much. She swears she could come now, just like this, from this sensation alone. 

"Oh, my God," she lets out, already rolling her hips in time with his. She was already so close. Her fingers tangle in his hair and pull, her other hand digging into his shoulder. "Oh, Ben." 

 _Fuck_ , he missed this. He missed this so goddamn much. His salvation was in the form of her body, and he was finally able to get lost in her again. Fuck Kylo Ren and fuck the First Order. At this moment, as he hugs her to him and thrusts into his own personal heaven, he'll be whoever the hell she needs him to be. Nothing else mattered.

And it felt  _good_ for Rey to feel pleasure again. To be honest, she never would have thought she would be able to recover from Finn's death, and perhaps she hasn't, but the man over her has been helping her through it ever since, and that counted for _something_. Right now, it counted for everything.

"Don't stop," she breathes, his teeth pressing into her neck, driving her to the edge. The hand on his shoulder slips to his bicep, her other hand going to squeeze his ass, holding him closer. " _Force,_ don't stop." 

He only grunts in response, pressing so far into her, he practically has her on her back on his desk. Ben forgot how fucking  _good_ she felt, utterly speechless as he thrusts into her. He's drowning in her, his mouth attacking her neck with hungry kisses. He couldn't hold her close enough. He couldn't get enough of her. He needed her  _closer_. 

Frustrated, he reaches for her dress at her neckline, pulling at it until it tenses and begins to rip at the delicate seam. She doesn't even care as he defiles her dress, turning the work of art into nothing but ripped lace and silk and diamonds. He pushes it from her arms, exposing his chest to her. She moans as he leans down to bite at her chest, her arms encircling him, holding him in a gridlock. He kisses her body until he's breathless, hugging her tightly to his body as he buries his face in her hair. "Fuck," he breathes into the sweet strands, cradling the back of her neck with his hand. The other is around her back, hopefully bruising her waist. He wants to mark her. He hasn't done it in so long. 

"Ben," she pants into his shoulder, trembling in his arms already. "More." 

He grabs her, and eventually, they end up fucking on the floor of his office, over his tunic and jacket. He holds her down by sheer body weight, bruising grips on her side and thigh, holding it so high on his side, her leg is eventually thrown over his shoulder. She feels her orgasm begin to crest, pleasure beginning to crash over her. 

"I love you," she cries when his fingers put pressure on her clit, digging sharp nails into his back as he bites her neck. Her hips are erratic, acting with a mind of their own. "Oh my God, Ben,  _please."_

It's just enough to send her over the edge before he's coming too, his grip absolutely bruising on her body as she cries out. He curses into her skin, withdrawing his mouth from her throat as his hips slow before stopping completely. He makes a move to lift himself from her but she stops him, circling her arms around his torso.

"Just stay here," she pants, letting her head fall back onto the floor, her eyes closed, her swollen lips parted sinfully. "Stay right here for me." 

He obliges as they catch their breath together, but eventually, he detangles himself from her and stands, his back aching from her scratches as he readjusts himself and buttons his pants. He lets himself fall into his office chair as he runs a hasty hand through his tangled hair, watching her stand and step out of what was left of her dress.

"You owe me a new dress."

He chuckles as she reaches down to grab his jacket, pulling it over her bare shoulders, oversized just enough to cover what needed to be. His eyes follow her as she nears him, leaning her backside against his desk, crossing her arms as she worries her bottom lip. "I have to tell you something," she finally says, glancing at him. Her cheeks were still flushed and her neck was beginning to bruise, and at this point, she could tell him whatever the hell she wanted to.

"Okay." 

She takes a deep breath, looking down. "When I joined you after we just killed Snoke and his guards, I wasn't joining the First Order. I never had any interest in any of it." Her eyes flit to his. "Only you."

He draws his eyebrows together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"My plan was to get you to turn on the First Order somehow. Bring you back to the light with me and take you to the Resistance. Find a way to undermine the power the First Order has. I don't know," she shrugs, watching him closely as he takes in her words. "But I didn't realize how much in love with you I would become." 

Rey pushes herself from the desk then, going to him, folding herself into his arms, straddling his waist like they've done so many times before. Her hands go to either side of his face, his eyes filled with conflict as she continues. "I don't care anymore about that, Ben. You can be whoever the hell you want to be. A Jedi or the most powerful Supreme Leader this galaxy has ever seen; I will love you no matter what you do."

His heart is in his throat as he stares up at her, his fingers restless on her back. "I- what prompted this?"

"Finn's death, believe it or not," she says with a sad smile. "It got me thinking that if I'm spending all this time fighting you on who you think you truly are, who does that make me? I know I can love you through anything, regardless of if it's as Kylo Ren or-"

"No," he cuts her off, clenching his jaw. "I don't want you calling me that. I don't want you using that name." 

Her face relaxes at his words, her eyes growing wide at his words. "Ben Solo?" 

He swallows. He hasn't gone by that name in so long, he's not even used to how it sounds anymore. It doesn't feel right, but it feels better than Kylo Ren. "Ben," he settles on, swallowing, letting the humanity in. "Just Ben." 

It's no use hiding the grin on her face, and so she throws her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She was right, he was still in there. This is the best day of her life. "I wanted there to be no more secrets between us," she murmurs, her fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck as she hugs him. "I love you so much." 

_Fuck._

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

The guilt of what he did to the fleet and what he's not telling her threatens him once more. He tries to push it back, but she notices before he can remove it from his mind completely. His stomach sinks as she untangles her arms from around him, leaning back.

"What is it?" She asks him, rubbing his bare arm up and down soothingly. "What's wrong?" 

Fuck! 

"Nothing," he tries to play off, putting his mental walls back up, much to her displeasure. "It's nothing." 

"Ben," she says, her voice soft but her eyes demanding. "I'm tired of secrets. Whatever's bothering you, we can work through it together."

He takes a deep breath, reaching a hand up to brush her cheek. He doesn't miss the way a smiles ghosts over her lips at his touch. "No matter how bad? No matter what?" 

"No matter what. I promise" 

His fingers flex on her hips, swallowing the ball of worry that threatens to rise in his throat. He had to tell her. He had to tell her  _now_. Because if not now, and if she finds out later, she'll never forgive him. "Rey..." He takes another breath. "I was the one who fired on the Resistance fleet," he tells her, forcing the words out against his own will. "I was the one who gave the order. Not General Hux." 

Ben watches the contentment drain from her eyes, her face becoming pale and stricken at his words.  _Fuck._ He wants to take it back. This was a mistake. 

"You... what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kylo Ren is finally accepting the fact that he is, in fact, Ben Solo, but is it too late???
> 
> Also, is anyone actually sure that the Resistance is truly dead??
> 
> Find out next chapter! Thank you so much for all the support on this story thus far!

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the poem in the title: http://pencap.tumblr.com/post/143132395230/you-love-him-you-do-and-heres-the-miracle


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